The Season's Upon Us :cry:

[Deleted member 28403]

I hate myself. Everyone is yelling around me. Nobody gives a f*ck about how do I feel, nobody gives a f*cking f*cking about any f*cking thing in my f*cking family. I f*cking hate them. My parents smile whenever they hurt me. They f*cking smile... They just smile as they see me crying, angry. I hate them. I f*cking hate them. I f*cking hate them. I f*cking hate them. I f*cking hate them. They keep screaming and yelling at me. How I'm a failure. They keep threathening me. They keep doing everything to make me feel bad. And then they smile, and then they go and talk to people with a happy voice. I hate them. I f*cking hate them. I want to be away from this. They keep calling me retarded and everything. They keep telling me I'm a failure and that I am worthless and they call me lazy. I f*cking hate them. No matter how much I f*cking work, they still call me f*cking lazy. I f*cking hate them. They don't care about anything. They just yell at me. They threathen me. They keep telling me that all I deserve for christmas is a good beating. They don't care about anything. They are f*cking crazy. I f*cking hate them. They don't care about anything. They yell at me and threathen me. They tell me that I mustn't talk to anybody about this, because it's 'private'. I f*cking hate them. They threathen me and hit me from time to time. I hate them. They are f*cking crazy assholes. They tell me how I will fail in life. They are crazy and just yell at me. I f*cking hate them. I f*cking hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I want to be away from this, I want to be somewhere else. They keep yelling at me and telling me how I will br kicked out of highschool becausr I'm 'a lazy twisted sick bastard'. They keep telling me I'm retarded, demented, stupid. They yell at me all the time. I f*cking hate them. I hate them. I want to be away from this. They just yell at me and don't care about me at all. They are f*cking crazy. I f*cking hate them. They threathen me and tell me I deserve nothing for christmas.

I hate f*cking christmas, i hate my f*cking birthday, I hate all those holidays when they force me to listen ti them yelling. They don't f*cking care about anything. Other than looking like a normal, happy family from the outside. I hate them. I'm glad christmas comes only once a year. I f*cking hate all this shit.

 

[GG-love]

I am sorry you are feeling this way, I hope you can find some peace away from those feelings soon. In speaking with you I see intelligence in you. I hope you find something in this day that is positive.

 

[Kintsugi]

Hi, Otaku. I'm sorry you're going through this right now. Most of us on the forum speak of these episodes of our teen years in retrospect, whereas you are experiencing this in the now.

You're right. They are f*cking crazy. I'm glad that you realize that. I hope you know that I believe they are sicker people than you will ever come out of this being. You are very strong to be able to fight for your right at a good life in spite of how they try to break you down.

Something that comes to mind is that nothing you do will ever be enough for your family. They are sick, and they are taking all their sickness out on you, and it has nothing to do with who you really are or what you really do.

I hope you take your work ethic and your fighting spirit and apply it to things that will improve your situation. I'd hate to see you burn all of your energy up performing for people who are ever ungrateful. I want you to stay as safe as possible, and by all means do what you must to survive this, but the day will soon arrive when you can leave this situation behind and start your own life.

I think when that time comes, you will be prepared to work for your own good, your own benefit, to make yourself a good life to match the good heart you will bring out of this hell with you.

Sending you stylized manga hugs. :D Take care of yourself.

 

[TLight]

Way to acknowledge and express your feelings. Right on! Sickos raised you......but they will not get the better of you.

I haven't 'done' xmas or even thought about holidays, bdays etc for decades now. Just another day in my book....I usually go for a walk and make myself a nice latte or cup of tea.
f*ck EM.......I actually consider it a real blessing to not have to do the 'holiday' thing....everyone seems so stressed out about it and I'm just lolly gagging around.

 

[ShadowSolace]

You'll be okay. Just try to ignore them, man. Let it go in one ear out the other. I know what theyre saying is scary, it sure as f-ck sounds scary but if you sort of just ignore it to the best of your ability, it may not be as bad if you just start to have that "Yeah, whatever you say" way about you. I may be wrong because people are wired differently but just give it some thought. Message me if you need to.

 

[ms spock]

So sorry to read that you are having such a rough time of it @Link Removed. I was the family scapegoat and punching bag, and it really sucks to be the one that everyone takes their stuff out of all the time.

I live in this now but things are repeating and reliving in me all the time, whilst this now is going on, so I have no ideas for you.

Just hold on, until you can get the hell out of there. How old are you now?

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Ms Spock I'm 14.


@carmenstarlet
And I am not quite capable of ignoring what they say, I simply can't... :cry: and even if I do, they will still find other ways to punish me :cry: For example, they took away my bathroom key because 'I spend too much time pooping' because I poop for a hour and I poop only every 5 days... I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome so I constantly get diarrhea and blood... They keep telling me I will fail, and they blame me how I take away their weekends... :cry: they f*cking yell at me through the weekend. I'm really tired... They are even mad at me for spending too much time in transport, getting from place to place and yell at me.... :cry: I'm tired.

 

[ShadowSolace]

Thats f-cking stupid, actually. You have to realize its them, not you. I'm sorry im not giving you the best advice but im just baffled tbh and I dont know what to say. Reading that actually floored me. -hugs-:hug:

 

[ms spock]

So how long until you can leave home otakujome?

I was thinking that writing out a plan for leaving might give you something to aim for at this time.

 

[Ellabella44]

sorry you are going through this right now. bathroom key? in a family home? thats ridiculous that they restrict you from using bathroom.. that is a basic human need. hopefully you are leaving there soon.

 

[illusionist]

They are so sick, you know it so keep being aware of that, it's not you. I know you can't get out of it now...I used to think of all the things I would do when I was free, this isn't how you are going to spend the rest of your life..it's not forever though it may feel like it, it's not. I can't offer much advice except to say that my thoughts go out to you, stay strong.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Ms Spock
I have some plans for leaving, unfortunately, I will have to spend next 4-5 years here...

Everyone, thank you for support, It means a lot to me