I try to give as often as possible. if i see someone on the street i remember hey i was in there shoes not too long ago myself and give whatever is in my pocket. even if they use it for liquor or drugs I don't care, if it makes them feel any better. I've given so much of myself in my life i have to wonder why people just take and never give anything back. this holiday reminded me i never had birthday presents except from the parental figures. no xmas presents except from family members. not even my x of 5 years. nothing but a shitload of roses which just reinforced his affair. so now i hate roses with a passion.. i got one card from my great grandma this year. and a card from the chaplans at the VA. and two my kid drew. now think on this. my mom sent a card but i wasn't on it. only my kid. i was left off to cause pain. f*ck it. f*ck it all. my holiday sucked. i hated it. my kid was sick. when we went to the ER ....AGAIN i hit my eye on a f*cking computer slide out desk that hangs on the wall and got a concussion. i have had a headache ever since ruining my plans with my kid to do cooking and baking. my ptsd has had me suicidal for days. but i refuse to act on it. this is horrible. I HATE XMAS...ALWAYS HAVE ...ALWAYS WILL. if i had my way santa would be grilled on a spit along with all the big wig money making business CEOs who make tons due to abusing a religious figures birthday. then, I'd chop up the reindeer and make a great stew for every homeless vet there is. lots of veggies like tatters, celery, onions,,,,,garlic..you name it. spices. mmmmmmmmm smoked grilled santa and reindeer stew and boxes upon boxes of ice cold brew, with every vet I could find. NOW THAT WOULD BE XMAS!!! and a rule...NO PRESENTS ALLOWED!!!!!
