The Slow Murder Of A Relationship

[nomedic1]

I have slowly murdered my marraige over the years with my erratic work decisions, my idea of saving the world one patient at a time meaning I needed to run were I thought the greatest need was. Always feeling I was needed somewhere else, somewhere I could prove to myself I was a real medic. This and the fact that I keep my encounters both from my military days and those of civilian locked away in the depths of my head .(had some bad encounters with sharing, what I commonly refer to as the asshole factor). After finally admiting to my wife after a good number of years what had caused my problem. I have closed that vault again and when I was offered a job in another god forsaken place, she told me it was over, I am back with her, but she is tired of waiting for me, and I can understand, she wants a future I am still playing in the past. I actually don't know why I am posting this but anyway.

 

[Jimmy1]

Only you can make that decision mate. Whats more important, your relationship or trying to find the never ending, ending to make you feel better.
IMO I would go get help buddy. Go to DVA and get sorted out. You both will benefit from it.
It destroyed my marriage and my family. I wish I had gotten help sooner.

 

[wife of]

Get help,let her in and maybe you can builda future,,,,,,,together,,,,,,,you cant do this alone,,,,cards on the table time possibly? If shes in,shes in but only if you LET her in.

 

[Ted Moen]

After Vietnam I felt a need to keep everybody at a safe emotional distance. After all, if I opened up to anyone something would happen and there would be body pieces and fluids splattered all over me again and people dying and it's just easier to keep everyone a safe distance away. Of course, there's a price. Joy in life comes from participating in relationships and activities. So, do we serve out our tour in this world surviving a safe, more or less comfortable (but lonely and depressing) emotional distance from relationships and activities. Or do we commit to emotionally participating which involves dealing with all those uncomfortable feelings and memories in the short run for a chance at experiencing joy in the long run.

I came home from Vietnam in 1968 and chose the former for 27 years, surviving well enough but leaving a stream of potentially rewarding relationships and activities along the way. In 1995 I finally decided to participate in my marriage (2nd) and therapy. It was really rough for 6-7 years, but it came out well for me.

Hard decision.

Ted

 

[nomedic1]

I live in Aus now jimmy and fought my war in South Africa. So i guess DVA is not on the cards I have a pretty good psych that is trying to help. Wise words ted and Wife of thank you, I will try my best and hope its not too late.

 

[Jimmy1]

Mate, thats all cool, but it does not stop you finding a good shrink. Having the SF over there in Swanbourne means there will be some good psychs and should be a PTSD unit.