The Stuff I Do While Waiting

[Still waiting]

I am still on the road to becoming whole. While on this road here are some things that I find myself doing on my road...

I listen to music that I connect with because of my emotions. When I am angry I listen to Eminem.

I drink to numb my pain. I hate feeling this shit 24/7!

I play games. World of Tanks...it pisses me off most of the time now.

I eat to feel better. Love great tasting food that dances on my palate.

I started here....so I am trying.

Taking psychology classes at college. Abnormal psychology has been interesting.

I would love a job to hurt people that hurt kids.

Why does God allow kids to suffer?

That is me

 

[PureDogs]

Hmm...

I wish I can listen to music but I don't. I'm told that it is amazing feelings but I am not able to hear it but that doesn't stop me.

When I'm happy and in good hands - I do just do routines.

Whenever I'm angry or anything irritates me for reason or out of blue (sometimes both) I would distract myself into do something differently such as games or check out websites, and often being quiet and alone.

 

[Still waiting]

Music moves me...

 

[Spiderallis]

I found it interesting that you call all that waiting. Sounds like you're hard at work to me, a few of the things you mentioned are awesome coping skills- like using music to help with emotions, or the games to distract yourself when you need a break. Deeply enjoying a nice meal is something that comes up in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, it's a 'mindfulness' exercise to fully experience all the aromas and flavors while eating- another awesome idea that's far from sitting and waiting. Be careful with the drinking one though, it's okay to enjoy a few here and there but don't forget that PTSD makes it easier for that turn into another problem. I do a little drinking myself so I understand. It's decreased for me as I learn new ways to handle it when the emotional stuff gets to be a bit much.

 

[Loyal by default]

Still waiting, what exactly are you waiting for?

 

[Still waiting]

Still waiting to heal....

I drove through where I use to live today. It was surreal........

 

[Still waiting]

I use to live in a really bad place...or shall I say places? Today I drove through those areas and felt quite a bit of anxiety. I did breathing, I told myself that was then and this is now. I did good until I looked for an old childhood friend. I could not find his grandparents house. I spent about 2 hours looking and ended up getting very dizzy, and I became confused, and physically sick. I had to leave...

The last time I spoke to my friend was in 1992. It was via the phone. The first thing he said was, "you remember your dad throwing you around?"....

I could not get the phone away from my ear fast enough! I have blocked all of this out. We'll I am ready to hear the truth now. So I will have to hire a private detective to find my old friend. I am now at hotel with wife. She has been very helpful with all of this but it is taking a toll on her. She is a sleep and I am drinking to do a little numbing. The anxiety sucks but I do what I do....my parents really suck!!!!!!!!!

 

[Loyal by default]

Stillwaiting, perhaps you need to stay away from these trigger points until you are "better" or at least stronger. What do you like to do in your spare time? Who are you? When you were growing up as a little boy, what did you want to be? Dreams? Focus on those instead.

 

[Still waiting]

I actually live in a different state and was driving through. So its complicated to say the least.