This may be old hat to many of you but I have just become aware of Thomas Joiner's theory of why people die by suicide. It makes so much sense but it absolutely terrifies me as it fits combat vets so well.
Joiner says for a person to seriously attempt suicide three factors must be present. Firstly, they must feel that they do not belong. Secondly, they must feel useless to the point of being a burden. Lastly, they must have acquired the ability to seriously self-harm.
After the intense 'belonging' of a infantry soldier - literally 'brothers in arms' - to be 'left out of battle' leaves vets feeling they do not belong. They no longer belong with the armed forces. Its bad for morale for the boys still in service to hang out with those too damaged to continue. They certainly don't belong in civvy street. My vet has tried to join sports teams, mens groups etc. Hell - even regular social interactions make him painfully aware of how different he is. I try so hard to make him feel like he belongs with me - like our team is enough. But I can't replicate the feeling he had when he was leading 300 men in battle.
My vet can't work. Some days he can hardly walk. And, most frustratingly for him he can no longer make others accomplish tasks. So, from being able to effect real change - ie: literally saving people's lives by leading teams to remove those that were threatening them, build schools, deliver food and medicine etc - he can no longer influence the world around him. Its very hard for him to go from being an active contributor to being "disabled".
Lastly Joiner says that to overcome our natural instinct for self preservation is hard. Most people have to work up to it. Either by increasingly serious self harm or by becoming habituated to violence (ie: as a policeman or a paramedic or ER doctor). Joiner hasn't mentioned it - at least not to the point I've read in his book, but not only is a combat vet habituated to violence - as witness, perpetrator and victim but they have also spent years overcoming the natural instinct for self preservation. How else can you explain soldiers advancing into enemy fire?
There is nothing I can do about the last, but I am certainly focused very much on the first and second. No matter how tired or grumpy I am I am determined not to let my vet feel like a burden and I will try to do all I can to make him feel like he belongs to our little team.
Joiner says for a person to seriously attempt suicide three factors must be present. Firstly, they must feel that they do not belong. Secondly, they must feel useless to the point of being a burden. Lastly, they must have acquired the ability to seriously self-harm.
After the intense 'belonging' of a infantry soldier - literally 'brothers in arms' - to be 'left out of battle' leaves vets feeling they do not belong. They no longer belong with the armed forces. Its bad for morale for the boys still in service to hang out with those too damaged to continue. They certainly don't belong in civvy street. My vet has tried to join sports teams, mens groups etc. Hell - even regular social interactions make him painfully aware of how different he is. I try so hard to make him feel like he belongs with me - like our team is enough. But I can't replicate the feeling he had when he was leading 300 men in battle.
My vet can't work. Some days he can hardly walk. And, most frustratingly for him he can no longer make others accomplish tasks. So, from being able to effect real change - ie: literally saving people's lives by leading teams to remove those that were threatening them, build schools, deliver food and medicine etc - he can no longer influence the world around him. Its very hard for him to go from being an active contributor to being "disabled".
Lastly Joiner says that to overcome our natural instinct for self preservation is hard. Most people have to work up to it. Either by increasingly serious self harm or by becoming habituated to violence (ie: as a policeman or a paramedic or ER doctor). Joiner hasn't mentioned it - at least not to the point I've read in his book, but not only is a combat vet habituated to violence - as witness, perpetrator and victim but they have also spent years overcoming the natural instinct for self preservation. How else can you explain soldiers advancing into enemy fire?
There is nothing I can do about the last, but I am certainly focused very much on the first and second. No matter how tired or grumpy I am I am determined not to let my vet feel like a burden and I will try to do all I can to make him feel like he belongs to our little team.
