Therapist dilemma

[Bluejam]

I've been seeing a therapist for the last 2 years. When I initially started with her she told me she wasn't a trauma therapist but could help me, that the connection between us was more important than her having the trauma skills. Fast forward to now…we've had a great connection, best therapist I've ever seen, she's helped dig up a lot of memories but that is where it stops. My anxieties are through the roof, I've started having panic attacks and it takes me 30 minutes to leave her parking lot after a session. The last session we worked on some new trauma and she left for a month on vacation. Needless to say I felt kicked to the curb, and that is when things came unglued. (w/ anxieties, panic attacks, body aches and constant crying out of the blue) I decided it was time to do something different or was going to end up being committed. I went to my doctor for panic attack medication and saw a cannibis doctor for my anxieties and body aches. I also started shopping around for a 'trauma therapist' and I think I found one that might fit the bill. I met with this therapist for an hour and a half, she was great at calming my anxieties but I'm not sure i'll have the same connection or openness as I will with the last one. I told my therapist of 2 years everything I've just stated, right up to how I felt alone and kicked to the curb and that I didn't feel supported by her after our sessions. And I constantly ask myself 'what was she suppose to do'? Did I cut her lose w/o thinking things through? What if I can't connect with this new therapist on the same level? Have I just blown my chances of going back to the old one? What should I be expecting from therapy, during and after? I'm one hot mess and I certainly hate the lack of control.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Bravo!!! You did a BRAVE thing! Omg you totally looked after yourself and your own needs. That's freaken amazing. So, with that amazingness comes the dreaded "wtf have I done??!!!" anxiety. Completely normal and completely a pain in the a$$.

If your old t is as good as you say, she will welcome you back if you should need it. You have officially stopped seeing her? What was her response to your concerns/decisions?

Sending her an email about your desire to return, should you need to, and verifying she will indeed see you again later will help that particular anxiety.

As far as the rest? Ah, the great uncertainties of making a decision. That's exactly why a lot of people stay with people who are no longer helping them. Nothing is known. But you only find out by giving it a chance. You've made the decision. Put everything into it and know those fears you have are completely normal and ok and they don't mean anything has gone wrong. I applaud your courage and how you're putting yourself and your future self first.

 

[scout86]

And I constantly ask myself 'what was she suppose to do'?

She was supposed to go out and learn enough about 'trauma therapy' that she could at least avoid making things worse. Just because she wasn't trained in trauma therapy to begin with doesn't mean she can't learn, if she wants to. If she was going to work with you on trauma, memories, all that, then she should have upped her game so she could handle the job.

 

[Bluejam]

:) Thanks Unicorn for the 'pump me up' response I think in the back of my mind I was thinking what you're saying. By th by, I really don't consider myself brave.

Regarding my old therapist taking me back, she probably would. I texted her after our lasting session saying… 'thanks for being receptive, i'm not convinced I'm making the right decision. This is a lot harder than I had envisioned. Wished I would had the courage to hug you goodbye'.

Her response: 'there isn't a right or wrong, just a step in a new direction that may provide what you need now! I'm always here to bounce anything off of :). You have more courage in your little pinky than many people have in their whole being, so sending you a virtual hug instead'.

Even with that…I'd feel like a fool going back to her stating I made a mistake seeing someone else.

My heart still says I need to give this trauma therapist a shot. Wouldn't hurt to get a new perspective.

If things don't work out with this new therapist I'll find the best way to eat some crow.

 

[whiteraven]

I think you are so awesome! I was reading through this and it could so have been me writing. I'm going through a similar situation (although mine adds another dimension), and I just haven't been able to get to the place where you are.

So...how did your first therapist react? And do you think you will be able to check in if you need to?

Really good job of taking care of you!

And btw...I absolutely get that sense of being totally out of control here, even though what you basically did was take the reigns and take full control of the situation. You might not connect like you did with the first therapist (that is one of my biggest fears, as well), but you've been with her for 2 years. You don't know that you won't. And, it sounds like this one has some skills that are going to be beneficial to you, yes?

Deep breath.

 

[Bluejam]

thanks Scout

She was supposed to go out and learn enough about 'trauma therapy' that she could at least avoid making...

I agree with you Scout. I've tossed that one around multiple times.
Regarding making things worse? I think it's unavoidable. They always tell you it gets worse before it gets better. That being said, I wish she would have had the skills to get me past the body memories. Scout you're right, and I made sure I told her she let me down before I ended our sessions. Doesn't mean it was all for not but it wasn't 100%

 

[scout86]

Regarding making things worse? I think it's unavoidable

I really don't, for sure, know the answer to that. My T has said, several times, that there are ways of going back and revisiting traumatic memories that are actually re-traumatizing. Should that happen, I don't think it would be the end of the world (and it may not have happened to you at all), but I expect it wouldn't help either. I think there's a difference between it SEEMING like things are getting worse and them actually getting worse. Like there's a difference between deliberately re-fracturing a bone that's healing wrong and randomly re-fracturing that bone by accident.

 

[EveHarrington]

Did she teach you coping skills?

Step 1...

:hug:

 

[Bluejam]

Did she teach you coping skills?

Step 1...

:hug:

Yes she taught me some… but this new therapist taught me more in one session.

 

[EveHarrington]

She should have taught you enough coping skills to ensure that you could keep yourself stable while doing trauma work. IMHO skill building should last quite a few months before getting into deeper trauma work.

 

[Suzetig]

You don't need a super good connection with a trauma therapist working on skills etc - you need someone who knows what they're doing, can pace the work so that you aren't overwhelmed leaving and who can help you through a process. Unless your specifically looking for a relational therapy - usually for long term relational trauma - as long as you have a good enough relationship you'll be fine.

We often need different things at different stages in therapy so if you do want to go back to your old therapist at some point, it's fine. It doesn't mean you made a mistake, just that you need something else from her.

 

[Bluejam]

Thanks everyone… I think I'm going to continue with this trauma therapist and see where this leads me.

I'm starting to think maybe my ex-therapist should have referred me to someone whom could of handled me better, instead of roaming in unchartered territory. I'm upset that I have to revisit/rehash everything I devulged to the ex for the last two years to the new T. It seems to me like I'm going backwards.