Therapist Is Frustrated With My " Case "

[canucklady]

Went to psychologist yesterday, was telling her that felt discouraged because feels like take one step forward and 10 steps back.

She admitted that she is frustrated with my case and the challenges that come up. She is not sure what to do next.

So now what? If she doesnt know what to do, I am in big trouble, because I have no clue.

Feeling lost at the moment.

Basically can't work on trauma related issues because present life brings its own challenges (job stress, mom's health problems and financial issues)

So now am tryinig to deal with past trauma on top of everyday stresses.

Something's gotta give

 

[anthony]

You actually hit the answer on the head in your above statement.

Basically can't work on trauma related issues because present life brings its own challenges (job stress, mom's health problems and financial issues)

#1 rule to trauma therapy, you must have a stable environment in which to perform trauma therapy. A stable environment means, your daily stressor intake is minimised (jobs, kids, finance is in order as much as possible, etc), you have a safe home environment (neighbourhood, relationship, others in house, etc), there is no substance abuse or dependence (use only) and the big one... some type of support structure in place.

If those ducks are not in a row, you should not be performing trauma therapy. Sure... you can delve around things, but lets be honest, if you open Pandora's box, you cannot control it once you begin releasing traumatic emotion. These are foundation principles and rules to trauma therapy, which should never be broken if you want it to be successful and as short as possible.

 

[canucklady]

I realize that Anthony, just feel like present stressors always come up, so then have no time/energy for trauma work. In meantime still trying to deal with dissociation and ptsd symptoms.

I see T again on Feb 11, now part of me thinks T is waste of time and I don''t even want to bother going, so I am fighting that on top of everything else.

I have been with this T for awhile now and I trust her. First time I seen her at a loss of what to do next, she always had a plan or suggestion. I am scared.

Part of me is thinking I am a hopeless case

Plus on top of everything else had to deal with psychiatrist who had to stop sessions suddenly last May due to her child having cancer (I wish I didn't know the reason), she is due back at work in March and I am not sure want to go back to see her especially since might be dealing with my mom who may have cancer (waiting for biopsy results). I dont want to upset psychiatrist talking about my mom.

A friend said I am a drama/crisis junkie and I thrive in crisis mode. That got me thinking, do I intentionally create drama? Maybe I am making too much out of my situation

Although logical part of me know I couldnt create mom being sick or even psychiatrist's daughter being sick. I dont know

I am very confused today.

 

[anthony]

It has nothing to do with your therapists abilities... they DO NOT control what present stressors occur in your life, YOU DO, for the most part. Your therapist cannot control what only you have, for the most part, control over.

Its like when someone says to me... I don't have control over my finances. Well... for a good part, you do. You don't have control over whether an employee sacks you, or if working for self, a client leaves you, etc... but even in those instances, if you did something to force that action, then you did have control over them. Your therapist is not the control mechanism in your life, you are. Stop looking to another for answers and you need to start taking control of your life, your choices, yourself. That is the only way you will regain control and atleast put some wrappers around your life and your stressor exposure.

Control what is in your power to control... look for alternatives... sacrifice what you need, etc. What you don't control, neither you or your therapist are going to change.

It sounds to me right now, yes... you are creating a little bit of drama. And I get the distinct impression you look far to much towards your therapist for a solution, instead of working it out yourself. The idea of therapy is to take control of your life, not create a dependence on what someone else thinks or their solutions.

 

[Nicolette]

It's not just about you having too much stress - it's your environment too. Like you said your mum's situation impacts on you yet you did not cause it nor is it a drama you created if your mum has cancer (I hope not).

Some people express themselves more openly and talk about the troubles in their life where others are a closed book etc. I actually hate it when people say you are a drama/crisis junkie as sometimes it is just those people who are an open book. Also, if like me, you grew up with having to operate in crisis mode it them becomes more prominent in an adult as I think it impacts on your being and you get to a point where it is easier to expect and prepare for the worst and have it turn out less than the other way around.

Personally I have had a lot of drama and crisis in my life and it takes re-training of ingrained thought processes not to head in that direction every time something borders on being a problem.

If you are already doubting therapy then you will need to work on changing that thought before going back otherwise your sessions will not be productive. I go to therapy when I feel I am in crisis mode as it helps me get a professional unbiased opinion on the situation which I often can't discuss at home living with a PTSD Sufferer as it just causes him stress.

Only you know the answers. I once had a therapist, whom I am now back seeing, tell me I had too much on my plate and to come back when I had the space to deal with my trauma. He was right and I knew it but I was only going due to feeling pressured to do something when, in reality, I was overwhelmed with everything and just couldn't think straight.

 

[Nicolette]

Wow, Anthony must have been replying when I was.... seems we have differing views. Oh well, all you can do is what you think is right and sift through the opinions given and take what you think is relevant on board.

 

[allitherapy]

I think a huge part of therapy is learning to deal with your day to day stressors better. If you can't work on trauma now due to the day-to-day things that are coming up, you certainly can work on coping skills to better manage your present life. Everyone has daily stress, it's just a matter of learning how to cope with it. Maybe talk to your therapist about working on trying to improve your daily stress tolerance and then you can go back to trauma work. You can't face everything at once, it just doesn't work.

 

[Nicolette]

I think a huge part of therapy is learning to deal with your day to day stressors better.

That's what I mean when I go to therapy when in 'crisis' mode. I need help breaking down the issues. For me it just simply re-training myself on what I can control, what I can't, what is my responsibility (biggest issue) and what is not. I was brought up being 'responsible or blamed' for things which sometimes weren't my issue, fault or responsibility. I have dealt with my trauma - therapy for me is now about re-training my thinking style in terms of undoing bad programming - managing my thinking.

An analogy: if you are sick you can't function well at work so you are better off at home getting better by resting - if you are overly stressed you can't work on healing your trauma until to take time off and get better by removing/eliminating what stressors you can and disowning the ones which are not yours.

 

[canucklady]

Actually my problem is I don't tell many people what is going on with me, I just go into crisis mode and handle it. Nicolette, what you said makes alot of sense. I think we are on same wavelength

Just feeling overwhelmed by it all.

 

[anthony]

Don't get carried away with my drama statement, it is not being applied to your life, but the one situation, and in small part.

Point is... take control, start making decisions, stop getting to crisis mode and coping... prevention is better than cure.

 

[kers]

Actually my problem is I don't tell many people what is going on with me, I just go into crisis mode and handle it.

Canucklady, I do this, too. I find that it often means I am not coping with whatever is going on, I'm just buckling down and enduring it, usually avoiding as many feelings as I can in the process!

My therapist has been frustrated with my case, too. It was scary for me to hear that, but it also gave me a chance to talk about how frustrated I was, as well. Then we could have a mutual discussion of my goals and how I might go about reaching them. Maybe this frustration will be an opportunity for growth for you, too.

 

[Iam]

Canucklady,

I understand your frustration. Sometimes I feel like I am just running around in circles, coming back to the same old tree stump. I have found that there are times in therapy when you get stuck. For me sometimes it's the walls I put up situation comes up that sets me way back. In those latter instances my T and I use them as learning tools to start using the coping skills we are working on or to learn new ones.

As far as the drama/crisis junky statement goes, I am like Nicolette. I grew up with constant crisis and have a mother who still creates it if there isn't any just to get attention. I think that has programmed me to jump to that connection when things look like they are starting to go wrong. I discovered long ago that crisis made me feel more alive. Maybe because I dealt with my feelings by pushing them down? IDK. Anyway I think it is a proclivity for anyone who grew up in an abusive household, not that all are that way, just that it is easy for us to lean in that direction. If it is true (and that is a big IF), be open to looking at it objectively. If you find it to be truth, then you have just made a HUGE step towards gaining control in your life and you will feel much better because of it.

It sounds like you do have a lot on your plate right now and of course PTSD is just going to magnify it all ten fold (or more). Maybe therapy needs to be where you can go and vent for now. I know my T has told me at times to not expect major breakthroughs every session or even every month. That just the therapeutic relationship is therapy in itself. Though admittedly I have a tough time with that one, I do trust that he is right and keep going even when we seem to be at a standstill. When I look back over time, I can see that we have made progress even when it seemed all I was doing was going in circles.

Good luck and BIG HUGS to you. Keep up the good work, it's frustrating, but will be worth it in the end ;)