Therapist Says I'm Too Overwhelmed

[FindingMyself88]

*sighs* My group T says that I am overwhelmed and have got to learn how to "contain" these memories and flashbacks before my parents move up here. I agree, but feel like its impossible. For a couple of months, I was doing so much better. Now I'm back to where I was…self harming and anxiety driven miserable. I feel like trying to hold these memories back is like a small dam made for a lake trying to hold a raging sea back, like its going to burst. It doesn't help that I haven't gotten to see my regular T in three weeks, when I normally see her every week. I still have 5 days until I see her. She said if she had a cancellation she would let me know, but she rarely does.

I'm not sure how much longer until my parents move, trying to sell house. There is the huge issue that I haven't been able to work since before Christmas. I need to go back for money's sake but I know its just going to add to my stress and anxiety. Plus I am still battling health issues, and I'm only in my 20's! It's not fair. I really do hate my life :(. If I'm not dealing with my mom, then I'm dealing with my real dad. If I'm not dealing with them, its my health. Or its my cousin who raped me, or its my other cousin's husband who texts me sexual things and makes me feel horrible. Then there is school and work, waiting on getting my service dog. It's all just too much :(.

 

[arfie]

Yes, it sounds like "overwhelmed" is precisely the word for it. You have its coming at you from all directions, past present and future. Unfair and then some.

The only suggestion I have to offer is to keep sorting here and try to tackle it one piece at a time.

Gentle hopes.

 

[FindingMyself88]

That's the thing, I can't tackle it one at a time. Right now I'm dealing with health issues while trying to manage classes. Thankfully my professors are understanding, but I'm getting behind and that makes me more anxious. Then I have to go back to work soon or I won't have money for rent, but physically and mentally I am not ready to go back. Then I deal with flashbacks and nightmares almost daily and I feel too weak to fight them.

None of my coping techniques are working. I can't keep going like this, but nothing can be put "on hold". My group T wants me to try to put my memories on hold, but how is that possible with flashbacks and nightmares….I can't really stop them.

She says if I don't though, she is afraid once my mom, stepdad, and his parents move up here, I will become suicidal and get worse… my mom is one of my issues. But I have to move in with them, I have no choice :(

It's all just too much, I see no way out.

 

[Hashi]

I'm so sorry.

It really does sound too much to deal with. Do you have to do your classes right now? I took a year out of university because of overwhelm, and it was OK. In fact it was better, because when I went back and did the year later I got good marks which I couldn't have managed before that.

I'm thinking if you paused the studying maybe you could work enough to not have to move in with your family? I know it might not be what you want, but you can only do so much. Wouldn't it be better than self-harming and suicidal ideation?

Also, what does your group therapist suggest for learning coping skills? Will s/he help you with that?

 

[atthree]

I'm sorry,as well.
You know my family doesn't even want to talk about the traumatic event. "Just forget about it." they say. For the longest time I just wanted to get even with "whatever" not having a conscience like mine. We all deal with this in our own time and way. Just don't get overwhelmed with getting even like I have. If I only took a step back and understood there point of view as well. I hated them for not feeling the way I did, so I feel it sister

 

[FindingMyself88]

@Hashi I dont HAVE to take my classes right now, but the sooner I get my BA under me, the quicker I can move to Colorado which is states away and is where I want to finish my masters. Plus for various reasons (one including my mom talking me out of college) I have put college off. I am now 25 and haven't even finished my BA. Plus I get my counseling, psychiatry, and group therapy free through my school and insurance.

The thing about work is even if I wasn't in school, I couldn't work enough hours to live on my own anymore due to health reasons and my anxiety. Work is a major stressor for me because I want to be great, but with my anxiety and depression, I end up not reaching my standards which is a cycle. Plus if I quit school, I would have to move from where Im at because Im in college apartments, which would mean higher rent.

It seems hopeless. I HAVE to move in with them in order to finish school and eventually put enough distance between us. I just don't know how to "suppress" all these memories like my Ts are basically asking me to do.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think it's important to realize that something MUST be put on hold or you are at risk of a complete breakdown. If this happens, you'll have your choices made for you. Right now you do in fact have control over things, even though it may feel like you don't.

I honestly think you're taking on too much. Please find a way to reduce these stressors in your life.

Your therapist isn't suggesting that you "suppress" your memories per se. She is talking about a skill known as containment. Please look it up. I'd tell you more about it as I learned this skill while I was in the trauma hospital, however it is the one skill I rejected outright as it had potential to do more harm to me than good. (Hence I don't know much about it other than the basics.)

 

[FindingMyself88]

@Solara Thank you, I will look that up. I do realize something has got to give or this dam is about to burst. Thats why I'm trying to move in with my parents. The pros is that it allows me to work less, gives me more time to work on getting my service dog (if I can go to place every weekend, I will get it quicker), and more time to focus on school. The con though is it puts me back in a triggering environment.

I have gotten better at dealing with my mom, but I won't know how much better until I move in, it may not be enough. But at least I have the support of my counselors and psychiatrist now and hopefully soon my service dog. I also will be living in basement, so it will be separated a bit. I just don't know if I can contain everything. I will be fine for a few weeks, then one trigger sends me spiraling down again...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I am honestly afraid for you. I know that you're dealing with financial problems, but I fear that moving in with triggering people may not be in your best interest in terms of healing. It is difficult if not impossible to heal when we are in an environment with someone who constantly stresses/triggers us. Yes, I know, I've been there. An old therapist once told me that I wasn't going to heal until I was able to get away from my toxic mother. It turns out she was right.

 

[FindingMyself88]

@Solara Thank you for caring. I am afraid to, to be honest. But I have no other option at this point. RIght now Im not working period, I should be able physically to go back in about 2 weeks, but my doctor doesn't want me working over 20 hours a week. To be honest, I don't know if I can go back to work right now emotionally. I've run out of options and I just don't know what to do...

 

[Leah123]

You do have options. Lots of options. You're trying to convince yourself you don't, that everything is equally important, but that is not true. I had a breakdown trying to do that when I was 18. I learned the hard way about balance and not trying to act like I was invincible. Be very wary of your mental state right now: you can prioritize. Something now, something later. You want it all, but trying to get it all now, simultaneously, is hurting you. You don't need everything on your list to do a lot better. Achieving one of those things well instead of struggling with all will strengthen you and make future accomplishments easier.

 

[Abstract]

I only managed to start putting the pieces back together after I was no longer in an ongoing unsafe environment. I hate that you need to move in with your parents. I am sure you have discussed this with your t's at length but is there no other way of doing this? Is there anyone else you could stay with or could you take out a loan? Is there any way of you taking a break to try to regroup so you have resources to tackle this?

Leah is right in what she said. In recent years I have realised there are always options. They may not be perfect options or give me all that I want but sometimes they can be the right options for me at that time. Imperfect but necessary options.