Therapist touch during a flashback

[Bird33]

Is it normal for a therapist to hold you during a flashback? I never usually have flashbacks very often and I have had several recently in session. The flashbacks have been difficult like I used to have when I was a teenager.

 

[Teamwork]

Once or twice putting both his hands on shoulder and saying so, as well as listen to my voice, feel my hand on your shoulder, I’m right here. But that’s the only physical contact and it’s not long lasting.

 

[Muttly]

When I have had flashbacks and a little (I have DID) has been out, T has asked if she can touch my hand. Then, like @Teamwork mentioned, she has used that as part of grounding. "Can you feel my hand on yours" and that sort of thing. If she did more it would freak me out.

What do you mean by holding? And does it make you uncomfortable.

 

[Bird33]

She has her arm around me, holding me really close to her and is rubbing my back and holding my hand. The first time it happened I felt really uncomfortable after, bc I wasn’t sure if there was something wrong with that. Then since it has happened a few more times I think now I like it bc I feel safe, but part of me wonders of there is something wrong with it. Does that make sense?

 

[hithere]

Do you feel something is wrong with it only because you have read or heard that therapists should not touch client's because of sexual boundary crossings? Or do you feel "creeped" out or "used" afterward? Some therapists may be lonely and use their clients for their own touch. That would be very wrong. I see nothing wrong with hugging touching etc for the purpose of making a person feel safe and connected to their bodies and environment. I believe people are like animals and can tell when we are being "used" or "manipulated" Therapists have not touched me because they can tell it would NOT be good for me for many, many reasons. but my reasons may not be issues that you or others have.

 

[Bird33]

Yes I have always thought that therapists do not touch clients so I think that is why I am feeling that way. Also I don’t always trust my instincts bc so many of my relationships were just about sex. I learned early on it was about others pleasure and not to worry about how I felt. I am trying to learn now but not sure I really trust any of my instincts.

 

[hithere]

Yes I have always thought that therapists do not touch clients so I think that is why I am feeling that way. Also I don’t always trust my instincts bc so many of my relationships were just about sex. I learned early on it was about others pleasure and not to worry about how I felt. I am trying to learn now but not sure I really trust any of my instincts.

that is great you understand how you can't trust your instincts concerning touch. eventually you will learn to trust them. Since "power and control" is a big deal in PTSD (this is just my opinion) but it may help to tell your therapist that for now you are uncomfortable with the physical contact whether you are having a flashback or not. There are other ways to ground yourself, and your t can talk to you during these episodes. my t says things like "look around the room. look outside. describe what you see. you are safe. this is a different time" those kinds of things... so they don't have to hug you to help you ground. That way you will learn some personal "power and control" especially in the area of power over your physical body. I had a t over 25 years ago tell me people need to ask permission to touch you, that is not unreasonable. It also taught me to ask people may I give you hug, is a handshake ok? that way they have an out if they don't like being touched.

If you are wondering if it's ok to be touched in therapy, yes it is. However, it depends on the context, and how you feel about it. These are just my thoughts, though. I'm no expert. Just someone who knows what it's like to have full on flashbacks and panick attacks.

 

[MyWillow]

What my psydoc does - which is very empowering - is to encourage me to wrap my arms around myself and verbally and physically soothe my SELF when I come out of a dissociative state/flashback. Reassure my body that I am safe NOW and I am listening. I have a terrible dislike of being or feeling dependent or helpless so this really is quite powerful for me.

 

[bhm]

When I was initally paired up with my clinician, being responsible, having had researched my background, asked if it would be ok to touch my hand or shoulder to "bring me back" if I started having responses during sessions, I said I didn't know but would prefer if they didn't, After working with them for a few months, and starting to do emdr work, I find even the knee tapping during sessions off putting let alone if they were to start touching me, If it makes you uncomfortable in any way, ask them to stop. Or if you notice they're doing it to often or more often, But as long as you're ok with it and it seems appropriate and professional, hey go with it?

 

[Rumors]

I dunno but therapists are always talking about connection and that as humans we need connection. I think the kindest thing your therapist can do is comfort you at that moment. I am sure the connection, just to feel like you are not alone, would be helpful.

 

[Bird33]

Thank you all! That’s so helpful to know that touch is okay and it happens with others too. I don’t like feeling vulnerable and I am trying to allow myself to accept this from my therapist. I do think it helps me to feel safe in the moment and it helps to know I don’t have to question her motives or question the fact that it is helpful to me.

 

[NightSky]

Just yesterday I met with my T during the middle of what have been a couple of inconsistent months due to our schedules. I emailed ahead to tell her what I needed to bring up but admitted I was feeling disconnected from her- not mad, just defensive and guarded. When I came into her office she asked if she could give me a hug (hugs are not unusual between us. We have some overlap in our social lives and always hug when we see each other), but she held on for a long time and I started to get uncomfortable. So we talked about it. She asked if it felt too long (and apologized), and asked what it was that made me uncomfortable. She asked if I felt unsafe. Or like I didn’t deserve it, etc. it was helpful to have that conversation with her and maybe you would benefit from a similar one with yours. It’s not wrong for her to comfort you, physically, in my opinion. You just need to make sure you’re open about any discomfort you feel.