Well, yeah, it is a communication issue…and an inconsistency issue. But then, if her being inconsistent and not communicating transparently leads to me feeling unsettled and unsafe (I hadn’t thought about that word before you mentioned it, but I think that’s probably right) and dents the trust…that’s a rupture really? Not trying to label it that and make a big deal out of it or make it into something bigger than it is. But I really don’t feel good about it.Instead of thinking of it as "a rupture", would it be more useful to think of it as "a communication issue"?
I’m sure she didn’t have any intention to have the impact she’s had with this. And I said that to her in my email. I know she won’t want me to be feeling upset and stressed about this. But I do feel that, regardless.
I might do something along these lines, thanks. I suppose I just feel a bit awkward emailing her again when she hasn’t responded to the other one. And hasn’t responded to my request for a session this week either (that I requested when I cancelled)I think I'd pay the invoice but include something like, "Would you fill me in on what your cancellation policy is? I don't remember discussing it and, since this is the first time I've gotten a bill for cancelling a session, I'd like to be clear on what the rules are in the future.
I may wait til I can see her before I ask what her policy is, just to see if I get a rabbit in headlight look that suggests she doesn’t know! (Ha! Joking/not joking!)
Yeah, exactly.Sorry I didn't realise this is the first time she has invoiced you in 8 years at a short notice calculation. That does add a very confusing spin on it.
I don’t see it can be really. She wrote that she hoped I was feeling better, so was aware she was writing it to me specifically…she wasn’t just blanket invoicing a bunch of people with the same message. She obviously just decided that last week’s cancellation justified being billed for it, even though she’s never done it before. So, I’m not sure what’s different/why the change?Do you think there was some sort of mistake?
I don’t know. Maybe. It doesn’t sound unreasonable, I don’t think. And it’s certainly info I’d like clarified. I’ve just never asked for a call before and I don’t know how she’d respond if I did. A bit of a risk that if I asked and she said no, or didn’t acknowledge the request at all, that I’ll just end up feeling more wound up than I do now!Do you feel able to ask for this? Sounds a reasonable thing to ask, a quick call to under the cancellation policy, and why this time has differed from other times, and what the expectation is moving forward.
We have had a few brief phone calls out of sessions but she has always offered them. A few times I accepted her offer…but then, having said yes, she sometimes then didn’t call. Which didn’t go down well! Though that was a long time ago and I think she is better organised these days.
Yep!It adds a financial 'ouch' to the emotional one.
Thanks. Yeah, it’s stressful. And I think we both have stuff that takes us back into this pattern every now and then. Sigh…I'm sorry you're in this situation @barefoot. I remember your previous ruptures and how at certain points it feels like she brings her own stuff into it which doesn't help to make the repairing of ruptures easy.