Therapists never want to talk about anything but my relationship.

[BrokenProject]

The last two therapists never would talk about my trauma. Once they found out that I'm in an odd relationship that's all they want to talk about. I had to stop seeing my last therapist after all she would tell me was that I needed to leave my partners.

 

[Stephernovas]

Can I ask what you mean when you say 'odd relationship'? As well, for clarification sake, what is your PTSD from? Obviously you don't need to go into details, I'm just curious about how they linked the two together, if at all.

 

[BrokenProject]

Can I ask what you mean when you say 'odd relationship'? As well, for clarification sake, what is...

I'm Polyfidelidous, and the relationship is BDSM centered I happen to be a submissive. I was trafficked from age 10 to 14.

 

[Stephernovas]

I'd have to speak to your therapists to hear their points of views (unless they told you why they were only speaking about your relationships), but my initial assumption would be regarding what you've learned it means to be in a relationship, and what that looks like. Does that sound anywhere close??

 

[BrokenProject]

I'd have to speak to your therapists to hear their points of views (unless they told you why they...

They were of the opinion that being poly wasn't healthy, and being a submissive now couldn't possibly be my choice given my past trauma. I'm the happiest I've ever been with my partners. My last therapist called the police and tried to tell them that I wasn't mentally sound enough to make choices regarding relationships.

 

[Stephernovas]

Well, to be honest I can see their point of view. However, I do not know you, am not your therapist, and don't know anything else about you so it's really hard to comment on something like this. Do you have a direction that you were hoping therapy would go? What are you looking to get out of it?

 

[BrokenProject]

Well, to be honest I can see their point of view. However, I do not know you, am not your therapis...

I understand but the T met all my partners and seemed like she didn't want to even talk about the trauma at all. I wanted to try and resolve self-image issues, hopefully, come to terms with the trauma so the nightmares became less.

 

[Abstract]

Well. That sounds complicated. I'm not saying they are right or wrong but am guessing they feel the present environment is perpetuating aspects of the past. I could see why they have concerns. Reenacting can be a powerful force. Especially if one has never known anything different. T's don't like working on trauma if there is present trauma happening or the person isn't in a stable enough environment. Are these t's quite open minded?

Could you ask her why she doesn't want to speak about the trauma? Putting the relationship aside.

 

[Suzetig]

How old are you know? I'm guessing you're still a minor or there would be no point in going to the police.

The first aim of any therapy for trauma is enduring physical, emotional and psychological safety. No T should be addressing trauma directly if they have concerns for your safety, it's dangerous, poor practice.

If the BDSM and poly aspects of your relationship mirror aspects of your abuse (rape enactment, causing physical pain, humiliation, drugging, multiple partners) I can see why your T would be concerned that you might be recreating your trauma and therefore may not be psychologically safe to do trauma work. You could try to find a kink-friendly therapist but tbh I think most Ts would be concerned given the nature of your trauma.

 

[BrokenProject]

Well. That sounds complicated. I'm not saying they are right or wrong but am guessing they feel the pre...

I recently moved states so I'm about to start with a new T and I just don't want it to happen again. I guess I'm tired of T's not listening to me when I explain why I'm in the relationship I'm in and why I'm safe and such.

 

[BrokenProject]

How old are you know? I'm guessing you're still a minor or there would be no point in going to the poli...

I was 19 when the T called the police. She wanted me admitted for a psyche-hold. they didn't do it but still. My T wouldn't listen to my explanation of why I'm safe where I am. She thought 50 Shades of Gray was an accurate portrayal of BDSM, and wouldn't believe otherwise. should I just not even bring up my relationship with my new T?

 

[Suzetig]

No, your therapy will be most effective if your T knows what's going on with you.

Do consider though the possibility that it feels safe because abusive relationships were your "norm" as a sexually exploited teenager. That isn't a conscious thought process at all but part of the process of therapy is to work onpatrerns of relationships and to discover blind spots. I'm not saying you're making poor relationship decisions - you may or may not be - but can you see why someone might be concerned about someone whose early sexual relationships were incredibly abusive being in a submissive BDSM relationship with multiple partners. The dynamic is very similar. Yes the difference is choice and consent but I'm guessing you may at some point felt you had chosen and consented to the exploitative relationship too.

Its the same kind of mechanism that sees women who have experienced domestic abuse going from one abusuve relationship to another over and over again. They don't like getting battered but something in their subconscious draws them into that kind of relationship - and they will almost always feel they've chosen to be there, because on a very surface level they have. But there's a deeper drive underlying the choice.

I hear you say it feels safe for you, and you may well be safe but I'd also ask you to consider the possibility that your marker of what makes a relationship safe may have been knocked off balance by your early experiences.