Therapy Creating More Anxiety

[desiderata310]

I've been in therapy for 5 months now, almost 6 and every time I go in, I get really anxious. At first, I thought it had to do with my anxiety of opening up to someone, then I thought it was the EMDR, and then the subject matter. The problem is, even when I know our sessions are going to be very benign and more of the 'checking in' variety, I get so anxious it's all I can do to walk in his office. I usually wind up sitting very tightly: stiff, rigid and physically closed off (I am aware of this but can't seem to change it) I know that there are times I walk in and expect to hear him say stuff like: 'get over it', 'stop making such a big deal out of this', or expect him to tell me I am a fake a fraud or worse, I need to be locked up.

I have gotten to a point where I actually trust and like my therapist so what gives? I actually have the feeling that this is hampering things at this point. I STILL cant look him in the eye.

I had a flashback last week (total no idea I was there) I was terrified of going in Monday. I repeatedly apologized for having the flashback. At the end, he actually asked me to look him in the face ( which I managed to do only briefly before I couldn't stand it anymore. He said - "well, if you can" - I felt so terrible about it but I couldn't!!) and told me it was ok and normal, and that he was used to this kind of thing. It didn't help. I was just miserable and left as quickly as possible.

My next session is tomorrow (yes I'm twice a week) and while I currently can't make it successfully through the week without the support, the thought of going tomorrow fills me with dread.

I've written to him in the past between sessions but I have found that this creates even MORE anxiety. (I emailed him a link on Sunday and even though he responded positively that evening and wanted to talk about it in session I was a basket case )

Ugh. Thoughts?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I just wanted to say that I have been seeing my therapist for almost a year and I still struggle to look her in the eye. I go twice a week, too, and it made me feel better to see that you do too so I know I am not alone! I trust my therapist a lot, but I still hate when I have flashbacks or body memories and I have apologized for them as well. I keep forcing myself up to show up to appointments even though it's hard because I know that it is part of what keeps me surviving. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in some of these feelings.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

It is natural for therapy to cause some anxiety. You are sharing personal things, opening up with mental health so I think it's normal that you will need some recovery time after therapy session.

When I first started therapy I was often writing him emails in between sessions and I used to go twice a week. Now it's every few weeks. I still have eye contact problems but that is getting better with regular social interactions.

Normally if I am more anxious then normal I pace his office and if he notices more anxiety he reminds me that I can pace if I would like. Have you tried that?

Hang in there. What you are feeling is perfectly normal.

 

[Healing Reins]

I think being a little anxious about therapy is normal! I know I get anxious about therapy mostly because I know I'm talking about some pretty heavy stuff, or I know that I'm going to share some pretty heavy stuff.

I think that maybe you could talk with your therapist about how you are feeling? Would that help?

sorry I'm not much help on this subject!

 

[Suzetig]

Ah I feel your pain, I'm already a little anxious about my session on Monday and i know that'll stay with me to some extent over the weekend. I think it's natural though, we make ourselves vulnerable, explore issues that are deeply held and often painful. I guess my thinking is I'd be more concerned if I didn't feel a bit anxious. I'm at about the same stage as you with my therapist and we're starting to get a clearer idea of what our work together will look like and it scares the life out of me. But, I know it'll be good for me and is the right thing at the right time.

What helped me not worry about feeling anxious was my therapist talking about her own experiences of therapy and feeling vulnerable and scared. I have a lot of respect for her and find myself thinking "we'll, if she can et that way, it's no wonder I do".

Are you able to tell your therapist how you're feeling through the week and approaching the session and talk it through with him. He sounds very attuned to you, which is half the battle I think. Good luck for tomorrow, I know how hard it can be.

 

[Justmehere]

My therapist says that when we really begin to feel safe, that when we really begin to feel everything we have been holding inside. Maybe that could be a factor...

I have been seeing my therapist for about 6 months and sometimes (most of the time) I get super anxious too. Sometimes it is because I finally feel safe, and so I am letting myself feel fear, and sometimes it's because I'm so scared to lose something that feels so safe. Sometimes I have no idea why I feel so anxious. It's hard and totally confusing.

 

[desiderata310]

I have an email written. Can't bring myself to send it.
Can't stand the idea of pacing- it's a tiny office anyway. I would wind up banging into the wall and couch. Besides I really don't need any help with the looking crazy part. AHAHAH!

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Can't stand the idea of pacing- it's a tiny office anyway. I would wind up banging into the wall and couch. Besides I really don't need any help with the looking crazy part. AHAHAH!

If I can bring myself to do it, I will sit on the floor to make myself feel less anxious in therapy. Sitting on the floor is my go-to position when I am anxious anyway. I always feel self-conscious about moving from the chair though because like you, I don't need any help with the looking crazy part. Good luck with deciding whether or not to send the e-mail.

 

[scout86]

I feel basically the same way, after a year. The one night of the week I can pretty much be sure I won't sleep is Wed, because my appointment is Thur.

All that stuff you're "expecting him to say"? Would that, by chance, be stuff other people have said and done? I don't think it's all that unusual to transfer expectations like that, even if there's not a good, clear cut reason for doing it.

I'm hoping Ayesha is right! Hang in there.