Does anybody struggle with worrying about what your therapist might think of you if they knew what was really on your mind? Do your troubles somehow seem inadequate to warrant the need to engage in therapy? Do you ever think that maybe, just maybe, you are a snowflake, and a normal person would not be reacting to things the way that you are? Are you able to check items off the "Crit A list", yet somehow think that your particular circumstance should be the exception that does not deserve that check mark?
Do you worry that speaking about it will just sound like whining? Perhaps saying it out loud will make you sound like an idiot, just like when you explained that terrifying nightmare....that didn't likely didn't sound so terrifying to the therapist who didn't have the vision and emotions stuck in his head? It just sounded stupid out loud.
When your therapist asks about the fear in your eyes, does your stomach drop, and your train of thought become muddled to the point of not being able to speak to them? When they specifically ask about trauma, do you deny it, despite the therapist's uncanny ability to always ask the questions you should be answering? Is his question returned with shoulder shrugs, silence, and a change of subject?
Has anybody out there's overcome their failed attempts at therapy? The attempts that have failed because you are unable to engage and answer the hard questions even though you know it is counterproductive to not do so? Have you gone into therapy each week telling yourself, "This time it will be different," yet fail to make progress because you are so used to avoiding conflict that your automatic response is to not approach the difficult subjects and to avoid making waves? As a result, you walk away, feeling like the failure you always knew you were?
Do you keep going, hoping something will change? At what point, do you decide that therapy is harmful because it is stirring up unpleasantries and keeping them in the forefront of your mind, but not ever making enough progress to move toward a resolution?
Do you worry that speaking about it will just sound like whining? Perhaps saying it out loud will make you sound like an idiot, just like when you explained that terrifying nightmare....that didn't likely didn't sound so terrifying to the therapist who didn't have the vision and emotions stuck in his head? It just sounded stupid out loud.
When your therapist asks about the fear in your eyes, does your stomach drop, and your train of thought become muddled to the point of not being able to speak to them? When they specifically ask about trauma, do you deny it, despite the therapist's uncanny ability to always ask the questions you should be answering? Is his question returned with shoulder shrugs, silence, and a change of subject?
Has anybody out there's overcome their failed attempts at therapy? The attempts that have failed because you are unable to engage and answer the hard questions even though you know it is counterproductive to not do so? Have you gone into therapy each week telling yourself, "This time it will be different," yet fail to make progress because you are so used to avoiding conflict that your automatic response is to not approach the difficult subjects and to avoid making waves? As a result, you walk away, feeling like the failure you always knew you were?
Do you keep going, hoping something will change? At what point, do you decide that therapy is harmful because it is stirring up unpleasantries and keeping them in the forefront of your mind, but not ever making enough progress to move toward a resolution?
