Let me shed some light on the background of the story first: I posted like a month or so ago that I lost my damn mind and had my first major dissociative/psychotic episode from a trigger. That lead to me being super scared it happening again and making a safety plan w my therapist and psych. It has things on it like “call my emergency contacts if I am: extremely hopeless, have an active plan, stopped showering, canceling ALL of my therapy appointments (she lets us schedule months out) don’t talk to anyone for 3 days, continuously calling or texting therapist” and so on.
So the last few weeks I’ve been running into people from my old job that I got hurt at and they’ve been triggering. It’s been 2 years and I hadn’t run into anyone and now I have run into 3 in the last 3 weeks, the last one trying to talk to me at length.
The first time this happened I had my major dissociative episode. This last time, the other day, I just felt somewhat paranoid and don’t really want to leave the house. Not to mention I’ve had nightmares and night terrors for almost 2 weeks and they’re mainly about my last job and being hurt.
Sorry this post is a mess.
Anyways, I let my therapist know I wouldn’t be there Monday bc I hadn’t slept and couldn’t do the hour plus drive to Chicago safely and that I was having nightmares. She said ok and I need to give her 24 hours. So I canceled my next appt bc honestly I am having bad anxiety this week and w the nightmares I’m not sleeping and I honestly want to even skip thanksgiving.
She took this to mean I was acting like I was before and needed to go get assessed at the hospital. I never said I was going to hurt myself and I honestly have no intention to. I just want to sleep. She said she messaged my brother that her recommendation was I get assessed at the hospital.
I haven’t heard from her since and I am wondering if she’s mad I didn’t go to the hospital or follow the safety plan though I didn’t hit some of the criteria. I sent an email saying I was ok, tired and having nightmares. But I don’t know. I could be wrong about everything, I usually am. I don’t want to die, which is a change, I just want to avoid everything, which is also not helpful.
Hell I don’t know.
So the last few weeks I’ve been running into people from my old job that I got hurt at and they’ve been triggering. It’s been 2 years and I hadn’t run into anyone and now I have run into 3 in the last 3 weeks, the last one trying to talk to me at length.
The first time this happened I had my major dissociative episode. This last time, the other day, I just felt somewhat paranoid and don’t really want to leave the house. Not to mention I’ve had nightmares and night terrors for almost 2 weeks and they’re mainly about my last job and being hurt.
Sorry this post is a mess.
Anyways, I let my therapist know I wouldn’t be there Monday bc I hadn’t slept and couldn’t do the hour plus drive to Chicago safely and that I was having nightmares. She said ok and I need to give her 24 hours. So I canceled my next appt bc honestly I am having bad anxiety this week and w the nightmares I’m not sleeping and I honestly want to even skip thanksgiving.
She took this to mean I was acting like I was before and needed to go get assessed at the hospital. I never said I was going to hurt myself and I honestly have no intention to. I just want to sleep. She said she messaged my brother that her recommendation was I get assessed at the hospital.
I haven’t heard from her since and I am wondering if she’s mad I didn’t go to the hospital or follow the safety plan though I didn’t hit some of the criteria. I sent an email saying I was ok, tired and having nightmares. But I don’t know. I could be wrong about everything, I usually am. I don’t want to die, which is a change, I just want to avoid everything, which is also not helpful.
Hell I don’t know.