Therapy Question

[saffy]

But my friends have their own life. I am not in a relationship, and am wondering why he brought that up if I'm not in a relationship.

Was he talking about relationships in general or romantic ones?

Then, got hit with an intense emotion of loneliness.

When I read your post it reminded me that I do this all the time. If someone asks me about my horses or animals or interests I can talk intelligently and coherent. If I am reminded that at times I can not share any of these things because most of my time is spent alone, I too get a big hurtful heart pang of loneliness.

If it were me your therapist said this too, I would have probably said nothing too, I hate to admit that I am lonely, I see that as a failure on my part to not be able to have meaningful relationships of any kind. Although most of the time I just cannot work out what I am doing wrong. The guilt and embarrassment of admitting to myself that I am on my own and hate feeling lonely. I find it incredibly hard to talk about it. I am getting techy now. :(

Anyway, What he might want to hear is what you are actually feeling and why rather than nothing. I know how hard that is though.

I was honest in the end with myself and knew it was my issues and patterns of behaviour, so rather than trying to find someone to put up with them, rather than keep getting rejected, I would have to change these flaws first. Took me a long time to admit that though. This was the only thing I could do to grow and improve.

I can get these feelings, I don't know whether they are transference or not, when I am sitting with people and some of the group start talking about a night out they have planned. I have a fear of something that makes me need an official invite. I immediately get a pang of loneliness and anxiety especially if they have not asked within a few minutes of chatting about it. I then feel really awkward, like I should not be there and by being there I am making them uncomfortable and that is making feel even more anxious. I make my excuses to leave, as the feelings were getting over whelming and I was starting to fidget and scratch. When I get outside I feel a relief but also a great sadness.

When I think about everyone I realise they are so much more connected than I am. It is this connection I can never get. I always seem to be sitting on the outside looking in. (going of the subject sorry, but I had to write this down quick, sorry)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Abstract]

Yes you are right that what you were meaning would be counter transference not transference. If he was the one that was lonely, has issues about loneliness and if that was affecting his treatment of you then it could be.

But from the sounds of things he simply asked you a question which is a difficult topic for you and therefore brought up difficult feelings and thoughts that are your own and nothing to do with your therapist.

It seemed at the start that you found it odd that he should ask such a question and imagined that he almost had an alteria motive. Whilst I think there is nothing in what you said he did to make that likely. It would be good to speak to him about it I think.

 

[Phenioxrising]

Very true, and I am a vet. tech. Though haven't been working for a few years due to a downward spiral of health problems. During the first four years of my career; had worked with someone that opened my eyes to the way the other staff and Dr's. were treating me, and I deserved better; That I should have become a Dr. That was about a month before my PTSD surfaced.

I went on to work other places cause of the maltreatment, and talking to co-workers and bosses did nothing. Basically just accept being treated differently. During the time I worked, I helped many animals and clients. Clients were so appreciative they asked me to be the only one working and caring for their animal. I am satisfied of the work I've done. But it's something I don't know if I could go back to.

Before being sick I felt connected to other people, but since therapy, and working on myself I feel connected to people on a whole different level. More for who I am and capable of, than just what job I acquired.

If that makes sense to you.

 

[saffy]

Perfectly, You have found the faith in yourself :) and learnt to stand up for your rights by the sound of it.

Your journey has taught you a lot about yourself and you have grown emotionally, you are a stronger person and so your relationship dynamics will have changed.

Best wishes and luck for the future.
Saffy :)

 

[DharmaGirl]

Emotional transferance is when someone consciously puts out their mood into the room

Thank you, that makes sense.