Therapy Starts Again

[Jane.l]

I have had a break from trauma therapy whilst moving house and seperating from my husband but tomorrow we need to begin again and for some reason it scares me more now than it did before the break !

I am really not coping well with flashbacks and nightmares . Feel like I have fallen down a black hole but I know I will just freeze and dissociate if I try to talk about it . There is so much I can't get out even though I trust and have a great relationship with my T. How will this ever get better if I just dissociate at the slightest thing???

 

[Jane.l]

I think I might just go in trashed - makes talking so much easier .

 

[Rumors]

Really sorry! I hope you are able to make it through in one piece! If only getting trashed would make it go away!!! It just doesn't though.
Best wishes!

 

[EverOnly358]

@Jane.l,

I'm so sorry this is causing you so much anxiety! I do relate, however. My therapist cancelled a session at the last minute, just once, and that sent me into a tailspin. Then the next time I just couldn't bring myself to go. It's difficult.

Obviously, you have so much going on in your life, a lot of stress. Maybe you can go in and talk to your T about all the stresses you're under and spend some time talking about ways to help you... mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation... y'know whatever. Maybe just talking about all these big life changes will help, especially since you have a great relationship with your T.

Dissociation is really difficult to cope with, I know. But remember, it's just your brain's way of protecting you from what you can't handle yet. Try to be patient with yourself. I really like this article about dissociation... it makes me feel smart and talented as opposed to y'know, just really screwed up. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/dissociation-explained.13879/ I especially like the last paragraph in that link...

"Dissociation does not mean that you are defective, damaged, insane, stupid, or worthless. In fact, you are among the most gifted people in the world because it takes intelligence, creativity, and imagination to learn how to dissociate. Congratulate yourself on your ability to survive overwhelming trauma."

Anyways, I know it's all really hard, and I'm very sorry you're struggling.

Hang in there, everything changes,
D123

 

[digger]

I always struggle more after a break, it takes me a couple of sessions usually just to get used to the idea of going again. My goal for the first session back is usually just 'getting there and staying there' and trying not to feel any pressure to do anything else, then if I manage more than that it's a bonus ;)

Would help maybe to write some stuff down before you go?

 

[Jane.l]

I have been going but we've been talking about easier things. He is the only person I trust but as much as I want to I can't tell him all of what is going on for me.

Went to the session this morning - couldn't talk totally shut down . Had a flashback and took forever to get grounded . He is so patient with me but I am just so frustrated with myself !!