Therapy

[KAT]

I guess all we can do is love our inner children and protect them.:hug:

 

[anndeb]

Well the laundry still isn't done but other chores have been accomplished with little protest from 'little ann'.. I think she is slowly getting the message that she is valued and listened to. I hope so.

Thanks Kat for your comment.. I think pretty much all of us have wounded inner children due to our traumas and I agree, we need to validate them, hear them and comfort them. Love them. My eyes are no longer filled with tears now I'm happy to say. :love:

 

[KAT]

your welcome:)

 

[anndeb]

Went to my NAMI meeting on Sat. which was pretty heavy. One new person talked about a restraining order begin taken out on him. I was reminded of the hounding by my ex partner and how I had come close to having had to do the same with him. We cried a bit together over lost loving relationships, which had gone sour. But we agreed we had to move on.

 

[KAT]

I am not feeling very well now. I am working on my being emotionally retarded. My abuse started when I was three.The thing that bothers me the most is how my odd behavior has effected my daughter. My counselor said that I was a much better mom then my mother. To me that is not saying much. I keep having intrusive thoughts about this. I am going to talk to my counselor about this Monday. How much pain can one person live with? :(

 

[Lionheart]

(((Kat))),

I would imagine that you are a great mom. I know that I am a great father to my daughter and my abuse began at 5 years old, so there was a time when I felt like I wasn't a very good dad, but my therapist kept asking me, "Have you done the best that you could?" and I had to answer "yes", so she said, "that is all any parent can do."

As for intrusive thoughts...I battle them almost constantly and have been in therapy a long time, so please let me know how you deal with these after you talk to your counselor. (I am in between therapists right now)

I am truly sorry that you are in pain and I am sending you big healing hugs.
LH

 

[Lucycat]

I am sorry you're not feeling well.

'Emotionally retarded' is a harsh term but I get what you are saying. This week I said to my T that I am a novice learner when it comes to emotions. His reply is that actually I am now an expert in the theory! As he said most people just don't think about their emotions. It, sort of, just happens.

I am sure that you ARE a much better mother, than your own mother. You are aware of your limitations, and able to make conscious, well thought out decisions. This will all have had an effect on your own daughter. As for 'odd behaviour' well - none of us is perfect!

I am glad you are going to discuss this more with your T. It sounds like you are low in self confidence, and need a big boost of reassurance which I hope your T will administer.

 

[KAT]

Thank you guys. My appointment is today.

 

[KAT]

We did EMDR today. I do have self esteem issues. All kinds.:(

My counselor said that I shouldn't live in the past. That is easier said than done. That every generation in my family is doing better than the generation before. Part of the problem I having is a great big denial about my odd behavior at times. I had been called backwards, I had people ask me what was wrong with me and I didn't even know. I think what makes the whole issue worst is that my mom was insane. So when anyone asked me what was wrong with me I was triggered big time.

I would like to wish my life away. Silly. But no matter how much I would like to disappear( not healthy),I really need to get past this. I am going to work harder on this problem. :(

I have a critical parent (inner voice) that tell me that I am stupid just like my father said. That is one of the intrusive thoughts that I have running through my head. My counselor says it is a cycle that I get on. I would just like to have a memory without thinking how weird(insane like my mom or stupid like dad said) I was. Guess I better work on that too. Damn. Never ending.

So to get past all this self hated I just have to accept that I was strange as hell (critical parent), but not as bad as my mom. Well the good news is my daughter isn't as strange as me.
Is it possible to feel good about yourself under these circumstances?:(

We are going to work on it some more next session.

 

[KAT]

Looking back on what I just wrote about. My intrusive thoughts are holding me back from getting better. I not sure how to stop them.:( I'll talk to my counselor about them next session.

 

[anndeb]

By simply becoming more aware of them I think you are already making good progress. We can't change what we are not aware of i don't think.

And so I say congrats to you. :)

 

[Lucycat]

EMDR is really hard isn't it? I am thinking of saying 'no more'.
But then Rory reminded me of all the good things it has achieved.....