These Are The Days I Hate

[atilla]

Know what you mean Grizz, I get in cat-strangle mode...the sound of screeching cats to block out the ringing in my ears and the screams in my head.....the cat things a metaphor...lol..i love cats. I play black ops after work if ive had too many close encounters of the stupid kind. I pick an urban map..and let the rounds and frags fly...just my remedy.;)

 

[holdenmonty]

The beast sure is a bitch. Remembered a dream for the first time in four years last night and the f*cking beast won't leave me alone about it. It's almost like it's whispering in my ear your f*cked up and your f*cking crazy. and keeps running all the different shit through my head. I wish I could tell the beast to f*ck off and have it go away...

 

[atilla]

Horrible night, my friends brother, a combat vet, couldnt handle it anymore. Im so sorry for my friend, and my bro. I didnt know this bro, but his sister has been one of the few people i consider my friend. The bro who checked out lived away in alabama, so i never got to meet him. His sister and i got along so well, cause she said my crazy ass reminded her of her bro. So sad today

 

[OldDoorGunner]

atilla, Even after dealing with this over and over and over for 40+ f*cking years. It has not gotten and I don't believe it ever will get, where the pain feels a damn bit less. All we can do is Stay Strong, Stay Hard and do our best to stop just one. We may never know if we did or did not, we can just keep trying and never give up!!!! Yes Brother, another sad day today.......

J R

 

[atilla]

Thanks ODG, Im not giving up, but it rips my heart out. Another bro gone, for nothing. Brings back a lot of the feelings of loss. It never gets easy. Shit like this just takes me back to some of the worst shit in my life. Just a bad f*cking day Bro.

 

[Friday]

Don't know if it would help at all Atilla... But my personal grief & pain panacea = Equal parts hot water, cold alcohol, hot sex, loving arms, beating the shit out of something replaceable or designed for it, & sleep. Not necessarily in that order. Repeat as needed.

 

[atilla]

Thanks sis..utilizing three of the seven...im ok just saddened at the loss of one of us...

 

[Kaishi]

Atilla, how are you doing today? It's not like a day is a fix but I know how lonely nights can compound everything.

 

[atilla]

Im alright, thanks for asking Kaishi. Its just hard t loose another bro to ptsd. I didnt get a chance to talk to him.

 

[holdenmonty]

I was in a dark place yesterday I was voicing my frustration with our three year old how he poops in the toilet for his baby sitter but not us and my wife came into the bathroom smashing me with the door and yelled at be to get out. So I went for a walk it took me about 4 miles before I could control myself again. I never wanted to run away so bad in my life. The only reason I came back it's because I didn't grab a sweatshirt and I knew it would get chilly last night. I had my phone turned of the whole time and the wife said that she was about to call the base cops to start looking for me. I wonder if she is going to take me seriously now about my ptsd

 

[Grizzly]

Well I am back to square one.

The week began nose diving. Stupid work shit really. No one with a clue. I swear the ineptness is worse than the f*cking military. What a mongolian clusterf*ck! Make an executive decision and execute for f*cks sake.

Halloween sucks. I hate it, everything about it. I get 2 doses. One in the hood and one at the school. Both f*cking suck. Good thing...kids are happy.

Wife wants to know why I'm so bitchy. Well I have tried to f*cking explain it. Put the f*cking phone down for 10 minutes and listen maybe you'll understand. But I put up with her narcissistic depressive ass for 19 years. The minute I let my guard down show my depression I'm a prick because I'm not happy. Newsflash! I'm haven't been happy for a while but I fake it OK why cant you?.

Then there is the VA. Wont go there cause I don not need to go the ER from a stroke.

Dammit I wasn't supposed to make it this long. What happened? Why do I exhaust such effort to survive but wish I be put out of my misery?

Meh...I must be stressed.

 

[spc_ralph]

Grizz, I kinda understand the BS you deal with with your wife. My wife has physical problems (f*cked up back, chest, blood clots, etc) and she just doesn't get it when I have an "episode". After all, "she's" the one with problems, not me! I remember one time, I beat the shit out of our bed for twenty minutes, and tossed the mattress across the room. She came it and flipped the f*ck out on me, asking what the f*ck I was doing? So I told her what was going on. She continued to freak out on me, and basically told me (not in these words, but STRONGLY implied) "Suck it up you f*cking pussy!" Needless to say, I don't talk to her about the beast much anymore.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you're not alone Grizz. We're here for you, Brother.