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Things My Kids Do
- Post starter popeye
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amethist
VIP Member
About 18 years ago when my girls were still young, we would go out for a bike ride or walking most summer evenings. One in particular came to mind today.
That evening we had decided to walk along the canal bank and sit and watch the barges go through the lock gates, nothing unusual with that as we had done it many times in the past.
When we arrived there was a large metal/steel container barge moored up waiting to go through the lock, this in itself was unusual at that time of day, as it is more tourist canal than transport, especially in the summer. My girls being the curious type wanted to know what was in it, I told them to ask if they wanted to know, there were 2 guys on top tying up mooring ropes. Eldest one very politely asked the nearest what was in it. After a few seconds hesitation and thought he replied, with a single word and a slight grin, "Effluent". Completely bemused, both girls turned and looked at me for an explanation as to what he meant. The guy looked straight at me waiting for MY answer, you guessed no beating about the bush like he did, I came straight out with it complete with a sweet smile, " Basically kids that means SHIT". The guy nearly fell of the barge laughing, as my 2 girls both pulled face and groaned very loudly and ran. I don't think he actually thought I would just blurt it out to them like that.
But it was one of those "Well you did ask moments"
Amethist
That evening we had decided to walk along the canal bank and sit and watch the barges go through the lock gates, nothing unusual with that as we had done it many times in the past.
When we arrived there was a large metal/steel container barge moored up waiting to go through the lock, this in itself was unusual at that time of day, as it is more tourist canal than transport, especially in the summer. My girls being the curious type wanted to know what was in it, I told them to ask if they wanted to know, there were 2 guys on top tying up mooring ropes. Eldest one very politely asked the nearest what was in it. After a few seconds hesitation and thought he replied, with a single word and a slight grin, "Effluent". Completely bemused, both girls turned and looked at me for an explanation as to what he meant. The guy looked straight at me waiting for MY answer, you guessed no beating about the bush like he did, I came straight out with it complete with a sweet smile, " Basically kids that means SHIT". The guy nearly fell of the barge laughing, as my 2 girls both pulled face and groaned very loudly and ran. I don't think he actually thought I would just blurt it out to them like that.
But it was one of those "Well you did ask moments"
Amethist
- Post starter
- #27
My daughters have a habit of walking around the house wearing only underwear. Well this past sunday we were cleaning the house and I had the windows open along with the front door so only the screen door was blocking the way out. Well I have to lock the screen door so that the kids don't go running out into the street, or the dogs for that matter. Well Here I am busy sweeping the kitchen floor minding my own business when I hear giggling in the living room. (Giggling is never a good thing at my house.) I get into the living room and someone is knocking on the door. The completely naked 4 year old thinks this is a good time to answer the door herself. As I shout at her to stay away from the door I hear a voice outside asking "Are these your dogs out here?"
So here I go out after the dogs. Jethro came back as soon as he saw me. Riley on the other hand has a habit of making it a game of catch me if you can. So here I go trying to run as fast as a chocolate lab. I chased him for 8 blocks up and down the road. Eventually I finally get him confused as to which way I am going to get around a fence and he runs right into me. I grabbed onto his collar and just at that moment he spots a squirrel. If you have ever tried to hang onto a 100lbs dog when he wants to do something then you know how this worked out. He dragged me all the way right up to the stupid tree the squirrel went up. After bouncing over someone's rock garden and almost losing my pants in the process I finally got a leash on him and lead him home.
Now I get home and Jethro is standing in the front yard again with the girls standing on the porch, one naked the other one only in a diaper. Jethro decides he might be in trouble so he stands by the front door waiting for me. But now the naked 4 year old thinks she will be in trouble for letting the dog back out so she takes off down the street. Finally corral all dogs and children back into the house only to find out my wife is still in the bathroom and missed everything.
So here I go out after the dogs. Jethro came back as soon as he saw me. Riley on the other hand has a habit of making it a game of catch me if you can. So here I go trying to run as fast as a chocolate lab. I chased him for 8 blocks up and down the road. Eventually I finally get him confused as to which way I am going to get around a fence and he runs right into me. I grabbed onto his collar and just at that moment he spots a squirrel. If you have ever tried to hang onto a 100lbs dog when he wants to do something then you know how this worked out. He dragged me all the way right up to the stupid tree the squirrel went up. After bouncing over someone's rock garden and almost losing my pants in the process I finally got a leash on him and lead him home.
Now I get home and Jethro is standing in the front yard again with the girls standing on the porch, one naked the other one only in a diaper. Jethro decides he might be in trouble so he stands by the front door waiting for me. But now the naked 4 year old thinks she will be in trouble for letting the dog back out so she takes off down the street. Finally corral all dogs and children back into the house only to find out my wife is still in the bathroom and missed everything.
D
Deleted member 541
OMG...I needed a good laugh today.... I hope that you aren't to hurt though.....
- Admin
- #29
anthony
Founder
That cracked me up popeye... thanks for that. Kids just do the best things... with such innocence and no idea they entertain us at times.
- Post starter
- #30
Well I don't know if this counts as one of the things my kids did. Are the animals allowed in this one?
My cat and I are not the greatest of friends. We tolerate each other mainly because I am the one who changes the cat litter and remembers to feed her every day. Well I have this habit while asleep of tapping my foot to sort of rock myself while I am sleeping. I am usually fast asleep with the covers off of my feet because they don't make a blanket long enough for me. Well apparently last night my foot was under the blanket and moving and the cat thought that it would be a good idea in the middle of the night to go on the attack with my damn foot. She was declawed in the front about 1 week after we got her, so she uses her teeth in her attacks.
The first attack was nothing serious I sort of shook it off as one of the dogs climbing on me or something. The second attack was apparently the kill pounce because she grabbed onto my dang foot with enough force to pierce through the blanket and the webbing between my toes. When I struggled she clamped harder which caused me to try and kick her off of me. That didn't work too well. Eventually through my thrashing my foot became exposed and the cat realized she was not supposed to be killing dad's foot.
She let go and quickly headed for the top of the entertainment center to hide either for fear of me or shame I am not sure. Later after a bandaid and alot of cursing the day of the stupid cat's birth I laid back down, making sure this time that my feet were not under covers.
About 30 minutes later by the light of the alarm clock I see a pair of eyes staring at me in the darkness. A quick hop puts her back at my feet. Now paralyzed in fear I didn't move. A gentle nudge with her nose first, then followed by several minutes of licking the wound she inflicted the cat finally came up to my face licked me a few times, and went back to her perch on top of my wife's pillow with her butt facing the puppy sleeping on mine.
I think the funny part was my wife never woke up through my shrieking and thrashing and the big dog growling and barking. She did however wake up when I put my arm around her to go back to sleep.
My cat and I are not the greatest of friends. We tolerate each other mainly because I am the one who changes the cat litter and remembers to feed her every day. Well I have this habit while asleep of tapping my foot to sort of rock myself while I am sleeping. I am usually fast asleep with the covers off of my feet because they don't make a blanket long enough for me. Well apparently last night my foot was under the blanket and moving and the cat thought that it would be a good idea in the middle of the night to go on the attack with my damn foot. She was declawed in the front about 1 week after we got her, so she uses her teeth in her attacks.
The first attack was nothing serious I sort of shook it off as one of the dogs climbing on me or something. The second attack was apparently the kill pounce because she grabbed onto my dang foot with enough force to pierce through the blanket and the webbing between my toes. When I struggled she clamped harder which caused me to try and kick her off of me. That didn't work too well. Eventually through my thrashing my foot became exposed and the cat realized she was not supposed to be killing dad's foot.
She let go and quickly headed for the top of the entertainment center to hide either for fear of me or shame I am not sure. Later after a bandaid and alot of cursing the day of the stupid cat's birth I laid back down, making sure this time that my feet were not under covers.
About 30 minutes later by the light of the alarm clock I see a pair of eyes staring at me in the darkness. A quick hop puts her back at my feet. Now paralyzed in fear I didn't move. A gentle nudge with her nose first, then followed by several minutes of licking the wound she inflicted the cat finally came up to my face licked me a few times, and went back to her perch on top of my wife's pillow with her butt facing the puppy sleeping on mine.
I think the funny part was my wife never woke up through my shrieking and thrashing and the big dog growling and barking. She did however wake up when I put my arm around her to go back to sleep.
amethist
VIP Member
My darling 4 1/2 year old granddaughter sent me a message this morning.
It seems she has got a sickie bug that is running rife round her school, but it is my fault she is ill. Her theory is that my bug that I put in a cage, escaped when I was not looking.
The imagination of young children is wonderful.
Amethist
It seems she has got a sickie bug that is running rife round her school, but it is my fault she is ill. Her theory is that my bug that I put in a cage, escaped when I was not looking.
The imagination of young children is wonderful.
Amethist
amethist
VIP Member
My big kid (husband) embarrassed me big style today bless him.
He had an appointment for some blood taking, to check for Diabetes, no problem there in he went while I waited, 5 minutes later he is out and finished.
It was quiet in the doctors surgery when we arrived, but quite busy by the time we left. As we were walking through the waiting room towards the exit, he looks at me and exclaims rather loudly.
"Look I Got A Plaster"
The ground could have swallowed me whole at that point, a 5 year old would have got a few ahh's for that, he just got strange looks.
We both burst out laughing once outside, but he does know how to embarrass me at times.
Amethist
He had an appointment for some blood taking, to check for Diabetes, no problem there in he went while I waited, 5 minutes later he is out and finished.
It was quiet in the doctors surgery when we arrived, but quite busy by the time we left. As we were walking through the waiting room towards the exit, he looks at me and exclaims rather loudly.
"Look I Got A Plaster"
The ground could have swallowed me whole at that point, a 5 year old would have got a few ahh's for that, he just got strange looks.
We both burst out laughing once outside, but he does know how to embarrass me at times.
Amethist
- Post starter
- #36
Well here goes another round of Things my Kids do.
We recently moved into my wife's grandmothers house due to financial reasons and because of grandma's health. Well grandma has a back porch that is actually the garage roof. It's fenced in and safe for the kids due to the netting i installed between the slots of the fence. Well one morning after having stayed up all night washing the walls and cleaning various other things in the house. I get downstairs and realized I couldn't hear the kids on the porch and hadn't seen them in the house. I wander outside and realize the 4 year old had figured out how to open the gate. The kids are no where to be seen and are not responding to my calls for them. I find the dog near the neighbors yard and figure the kids to be nearby. I begin walking towards the dog who decides to run away and then spot the 2 year old walking out from behind a bush completely naked with poop on her backside. The 4 year old has the collar of Jethro the smaller dog and is headed back to the house without shoes on or pants. The thing of this one was when last seen the 2 year old had a diaper on and was fully dressed.
After a few moments of questioning the 2 year old had apparently found a neighbors kiddie pool and had taken her clothes off thinking to jump in the water. But her answer to why she didn't get in the water is she said it was too cold. THANK GOD!!! All of this transpired in a matter of 5 minutes. I guess the lesson learned on this one is if you can't hear the kids find them fast.
We recently moved into my wife's grandmothers house due to financial reasons and because of grandma's health. Well grandma has a back porch that is actually the garage roof. It's fenced in and safe for the kids due to the netting i installed between the slots of the fence. Well one morning after having stayed up all night washing the walls and cleaning various other things in the house. I get downstairs and realized I couldn't hear the kids on the porch and hadn't seen them in the house. I wander outside and realize the 4 year old had figured out how to open the gate. The kids are no where to be seen and are not responding to my calls for them. I find the dog near the neighbors yard and figure the kids to be nearby. I begin walking towards the dog who decides to run away and then spot the 2 year old walking out from behind a bush completely naked with poop on her backside. The 4 year old has the collar of Jethro the smaller dog and is headed back to the house without shoes on or pants. The thing of this one was when last seen the 2 year old had a diaper on and was fully dressed.
After a few moments of questioning the 2 year old had apparently found a neighbors kiddie pool and had taken her clothes off thinking to jump in the water. But her answer to why she didn't get in the water is she said it was too cold. THANK GOD!!! All of this transpired in a matter of 5 minutes. I guess the lesson learned on this one is if you can't hear the kids find them fast.
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