Things My Therapist Says....

[mamachick]

Junebug-I understand. I hope I did not offend you. Do you have some days that are better than others? I guess that I think we all do. When I have a good day, I try to be optimistic for others, and its ok to lean on me. When I dont, I need a place to lean. When I am having a bad time, it feels that that I say "I can't " a lot, and I mean it. I feel like others don't understand-they might not.

I dont remember a lot of things from day to day. What I do remember is that you have always made me feel better through your comassionate comments. I think I have been on here about 4 months or so. I might post something and think how stupid it is, and you post a "like" or a nice comment. I dont remember others story, but I do remember how I felt. I want to be able to share that better than I have been doing, Im not sure how.
I wonder if we have to dream it, imagine it , before it can happen

Im horrible with words since a head injury. I hope I am not offensive in my optimism-if so, I apologize.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh dear brat17,- no! You didn't offend me at all, and if I were offended (which I'm not) that would be my problem, anyway, not due to you or anyone else.

I think that what you said is very true and healthy and you have very good awareness and courage. I hope to get where you are! :)

Yes, for sure some days are better, I think when they are I feel more open/ optimistic etc, or it begins the other way around and is a positive cycle. (Hope that makes sense, too- eiy- 'words'- lol)

Yes in fact, maybe you are very right- to dream it, imagine it first. That to me is a lot like trust or hope, and all positive things.
Maybe that helps to bring courage to go against even what we fear. Because I think fear too can seem like reality, when in fact it is just 'fear', and (but) for me that can seem as 'real' as if it were so.
Thank you, too, because I think that those (yours) are words of 'hope'. I just read yesterday that hope and peace (I think- Oiy! My memory can be terrible, too!-) are things we give each other.

Thank you for your kindness! And kind words! Nothing you have ever posted was stupid, and I never hit 'like' unless I can either relate or someone has said something that makes sense to me.
You just keep being yourself- that's all you have to do, as that is helpful and just perfect as-is. :)

((((brat)))), hope hugs are ok.

 

[mamachick]

Thank you Junebug. I know that I have a lot of fear. Much of my fear isnt about some big physical harm as one might think. It can be paralizing though. I fear moving forward in so many ways. I fear pushing for the divorce after 8 years of seperation (because our judge hates women and is often unfair), I fear selling my house even though it is breaking me physically and financially, I fear returning to work because I might fail/be overwhelmed and feel worse about myself. I am coming to understand how all of these things are related to ptsd-not trusting other, the world, and myself.

I about drove my daughters nuts when they were teens as I feared for their safety-I had to let go of that-they forced me as it was not by choice. A big symptom for me is the sense of foreshortened future. Sometimes I don't take action because I have a deep down belief that it won't make any difference. Some days these feelings come through so strong, some days I am less aware its part of me.

I agree completely-fear is our reality. I know my fear not logical to others but it is huge and real to me. When I step back from my own stuff and look at it objectively-I can see that a healthy person would do something differently than I. So I try to imagine what that would be, how that would look.

I use to have a huge fear of getting up in front of others and speaking-I hated it. I wanted to overcome it though. So I put myself in the position that I had to do it in the college program I was in. I faked it until I became comfortable with it and it worked. I overcame by doing and I ended up actually do some of that in my work which I loved and realized that I would have missed that if I chose to stay in my comfort zone. This is nothing compared to some of the life and death fear that we are talking about here, but I do think the principle is the same. I am to the point that I am sick of myself for allowing my fear to dictate how I live, what I do, where I go, and who with, etc.

You seem very insightful Junebug and thank you for your kindness and sharing. Hugs are great.. Hugs to you