Things only get worse, never better.

[Survivor3]

I'm not agreeing with you that it makes sense to end your life but I do understand what your saying. And I've been suicidal many times. Nearly stabbed myself in the heart one time. So I get it. Do you speak to the social worker today? Sometimes councils put up deposits for housing. She might be able to help you. Its worth sticking around to see.

 

[Paladin_141]

I spoke to the police and a social worker.

They're trying to get me some help, but there's a limit to what they can do.

 

[Survivor3]

That's really good news. . Try to be accepting of their help. This dosent have to be the end of the road for you paladin. I'm glad your still here. Hard to see any good after the shit you've been through I know but things can get better and you have to be a little bit patient.

 

[Movingforward10]

Well done for speaking with them and letting them try to help.

 

[Paladin_141]

I don't know. Woke up this morning and everything is right back where it was.

I might hike to the woods today. I still have a bunch of tourniquets. That's basically a garotte if you put it on your neck, right?

f*ck, this is going to hurt.

 

[Survivor3]

Morning Paladin. What did the social worker and police say yesterday?

 

[Paladin_141]

Um, I can't really remember.

I mostly remember crying a lot. They put me in touch with some people but, realistically, there's not much they can do about what's actually happening. As far as the kids go, it's up to the courts. As far as my parents go...that just is what it is.

I slept last night, for a while, and had a nightmare.

I was back in the coastguard, with my old friends, sitting in the station, looking out to sea. Then a line of huge waterspouts came out of nowhere and started tearing the place up, you know? Just massive f*cking funnels, rolling boats over and throwing debris. I decided to get to the vehicle and one of the girls came with me and we started pulling people out the water, but it was getting worse and we had to get them back inside.

I ran back up to the ops room and the Boss was telling everyone to get further into the building, but it was too late and the windows blew in. I remember ducking under a desk and hiding while the wind roared and glass flew everywhere.

Then I woke up in a terrible state and decided I needed to off myself. A bit calmer now after a few cups of tea.

I think I need to get back to the war. I don't belong here anymore.

 

[Survivor3]

Yes i understand. Sometimes when people might try and help us it doesn't feel like it's addressing certain problems but try not to dismiss it. It builds agency for you here which is something you need, people on your side. Rest up, eat and look after yourself.

 

[Movingforward10]

I mostly remember crying a lot. They put me in touch with some people but, realistically, there's not much they can do about what's actually happening. As far as the kids go, it's up to the courts. As far as my parents go...that just is what it is.

They won't be able to change your parents or get the judge to make a decision about your children. But they can help with the scaffolding around it all. Maybe with a listening ear, helping you feel less alone, helping with housing or work or meeting other people.
Other changes that help make life more bearable.

 

[Paladin_141]

While I was over there I was constantly worrying about getting back here to my kids.

I just want to go back now. There's nothing for me here.

That's my life now. Once that one ends, on to the next.

 

[Survivor3]

I hear you. Are people putting in place court appeals to get you visitation rights to see your kids?

 

[Paladin_141]

No, the ex is try to throw all sorts of orders and injunctions at me. I'm fighting this alone due to poverty. Got stiffed on my last contract