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Things only get worse, never better.

I was in the city today, wandering around being cold and sad and forgetting why I actually came in, when I decided enough was enough.

I made my plan and decided to go into a pub for one last meal before lights out.

I'd literally just ordered it when there's a ping on the app for the charity I volunteer with, telling me there's a seal pup needing checked up on down at the beach.

I sighed and call in, to be told that nobody else has responded. So I said I'd stuff my food down my face and head along asap.

I post that to the local team group chat, only to get a reply from a certain person of a female persuasion saying 'if you need help, I'll come'.

I then get a message from my best friend, also a member and apparently taking time out from grieving the deeath of her grandfather this morning just to mock me, saying 'haha, you're in luck'.

The seal has gone back in the water, but this female person and I are going for drinks tomorrow night. I will not read anything into it, but this is a woman with whom I left a letter telling her how I felt about her in case I didn't come home.

Actually, if she brings that up, this could be super awkward.

Ugh. We'll see. If I go expecting mockery and derision Ican only be pleasantly surprised, right?
 
The worst case scenario came true today. My kids are gone. Officially.

I will go tonight and spend time with this woman, be rejected by the very last person whose opinion of me matters and then...well, we'll see, won't we?
 
The court granted the orders that I can't see them, based purely on 'the balance of convenience', rather than any sort of sound reasoning.

I can't. I just can't
I don't really know what "balance of conveniance" means but it's ok if you don't want to talk about it. I understand. Im really sorry to hear that.
 
Basically, they already live with her, so it's less effort for the court to just go along with what she wants.

I have new plans for tonight.
 
I'm sorry this is happening. This happened twice in my family, to my brother and to my in Uncle. In both cases when the child became an adult the child reached out and established a relationship. Your kids will be adults one day. Hang in there, take care of yourself and one day you will have a relationship with them regardless of your ex.
 
I won't be around by then.

I have a war to get back to.

I hope her hernia kills her in the slowest, most painful way.

I'm still in contact with them by WhatsApp. I have told them what their egg donor has done. I will see to it that they will hate her as much as I do.
 

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