Thinking About Dating?

[Lilith Jane]

Hi all! I'm four months post-diagnosis and trying to figure out how to live with this new version of myself. I've had some therapy and have made progress - returning to work (with some new boundaries), journaling, developing better self-awareness, practicing yoga, working toward connection in a healthy and supportive community, learning to identify my triggers, etc. etc. etc. I'm sure you know the drill. I've started to feel things again and am trying to develop good coping skills.

It's been encouraging to see some progress and begin to have some good days again, for the first time in a couple of years. In some ways, it makes the bad days harder though . . . because with every good period, I start to hope that I've somehow turned a corner and am making it out of this. I guess I'm not really able to face the fact that PTSD is a permanent condition.

I HATE the idea that PTSD is permanent - I'm willing to go through a rough patch, but I can't accept the idea that I'll be messed up forever.

Recently I met someone that I'm interested in - which is somewhat rare for me. (I do have good taste.) ;-) I haven't dated much in the past, and in some ways I'm feeling brave and ready to take on a new challenge . . . and I think the guy is worth it.

My question is this: How can I even consider inviting someone into my life when I have this condition?? I have many friends with various struggles or health issues and I love them and have no problem seeing their beauty and worth . . . but I guess I'm having trouble thinking about myself in the same way. I hate feeling broken and impaired. I'd like to give dating a go, but just can't justify intentionally bringing someone into my (permanent) mess.

 

[Intrepid]

I HATE the idea that PTSD is permanent

Me too. I don't believe PTSD is permanent, but I can't prove it yet from my experience.

PTSD has made dating really hard. I get triggered then I isolate, or just am unable to interact.

Right now I'm staying alone. I'm waiting until my current therapy has concluded.

 

[Friday]

I work really hard at not making other people's decisions for them.

That means if I don't want to date for my own self? I'm too f*cked up right now, I can't handle it, I don't want it, need to be focusing on other things, etc.? Cheers. No dating.

Deciding no one else should have to, would want to, etc.? Is not my decision to make. If someone is foolish, brave, or stupid enough to want to be with me? For an hour or a life time? That's their decision to make. Not mine.

I don't want to be with them? My decision.
They don't want to be with me? Their decision.

 

[ladee]

You do not have to disclose that you have PTSD right away... start very slow... go have a coffee, maybe take in a movie... ya know, the simple 'first stuff', and see how you handle it and how you handle yourself... won't mean you can't ever date, will simply mean possibly right now you are unable to . If it something you desire, go for it... as things progress, if they do, then a conversation about PTSD can happen... We don't usually just meet someone and tell them we have PTSD... so take your time.. it is very much a personal choice....
Wishing you success as you see if this is something you want in your life right now...

 

[aquascape]

Just because you acquired a label doesn't mean you should wear it o your sleeve or put your life on hold. We're given precious little time, and I whatever your life goals, I'd continue to work on it.

The value in any label is to get a viable treatment. Unfortunately, PTSD has "permanent" and "untreatable" associated with it. It's not a very useful label in that regard, but it does give a sense that you're not alone in what you're going through.

You probably managed to get here due to some trauma. If so, forget PTSD and just tell the truth in terms of a bad childhood or war experience. Another human being can be tonic for your soul. If they run away, that's their prerogative and loss.

btw, I think of my PTSD as a pet dragon beasty that I do my best to keep in a restive slumber. Some medications help. Yoga, meditation, mindfulness, etc. Working out (compulsively). Etc.

You need to find your own secret sauce to help you continue to thrive despite your troubles.

 

[Lilith Jane]

I work really hard at not making other people's decisions for them.

That means if I don't want to...

That's really true, isn't it? I feel the impulse to create distance, to protect other people from my sharp edges (even though I KNOW I need to have people in my life - seems ironic!), but they are free agents too and have autonomy to make their own decisions about the relationships they'd like to be in.

I think it's partly that I've gotten spooked from reading stories saying, "My SO has PTSD and it is extremely extremely difficult . . ." I don't want to be that person wreaking havoc on others' lives. I don't like this aspect of myself and don't expect others to like it either.