Thinking you don't have ptsd?

[Bristol]

so glad im not the only one that doubts it all!

 

[One step at a time]

Yep. Right now, the main reason I come here is to help me remember, so that I can stop blaming and shaming myself for having symptoms. There is a reason for the symptoms. Now I can go about living with and through and around them.

 

[frogthroat]

I think when I finally knew I needed help was I knew something was wrong and it had to do with unpleasant past events. When I was diagnosed with PTSD/ severe depression last year I vehemently resented it. I figured I was just out of control and I needed to "grow up." I went on a alcohol fueled perfectionism/denial tour that ended up with me snapping like a twig, threatening suicide, and ending up hospitalized. Now that I've stopped fighting it and managing the symptoms my life is better. I'm calmer and more level headed on the meds I swore I would never take. I don't obsess over my trauma nearly as much. Are PTSD and depression still negatively affecting my life? Yes but I've found that viewing and monitoring it like you would diabetes or high blood pressure makes it easier to accept. Plus, it gets me out of that victimhood headspace. I try to not use it as an excuse for anything and if I realize I am then I know it needs to be brought up in therapy.

 

[Freida]

wow. I'm not sure if I feel better or worse after reading this thread. Because how can we all be in the same boat? Or maybe that's one of the criteria .... a refusal to admit we need help and being adamant that we just need to get over it.
@Friday I was going to go more into detail on my own blah blah but you wrote it out perfectly! That's exactly how I feel most times :laugh:

So if we all share this feeling how do we break out of that thought pattern?

 

[frogthroat]

So if we all share this feeling how do we break out of that thought pattern?

I just think it takes time. It seems like you have to go through the stages of grief to just to accept you have PTSD and then go through them again as you start to heal.
Mental illness is hard to accept because it's still widely stigmatized. I have my own opinions on how it's romanticized in pop culture which I think doesn't help either but that's for another thread. Plus, if you don't have support or backwards advice from people who mean well but still cringe at the thought of discussing mental illness it can be a lonely road. Finding out who you should really be listening too and what you should be doing to get better can be overwhelming when you find out you need professional help. Sometimes denial helps disconnect you from your emotions enough to reach out and you have to go from there. That's not always the case I'm sure. In my case it helped me and hurt me at the same time.

 

[katz]

So I very regularly find myself thinking I don't really have PTSD and was wondering if others feel this way regularly too?

Couple things come to mind -

Core beliefs about being a bad person - thinking I must be just seeking attention or be deluded or something.

Avoidance of reality? Maybe denial of the facts. But more than that it feels like my brain is somewhat compartmentalised. So in certain headspace I'm not really aware of certain other headspaces or something?

Would like to explore this a bit. Be great if anyone else relates or has summat useful to add. Thanks

If you do some scientific research, you will find that compartmentalization is very normal for people with ptsd. It is a physical coping reaction done in the brain--- no fault of yours. Very natural.

 

[hithere]

I have these same thoughts frequently, and for two different reasons, and two different types of thoughts.

One thing I frequently think: I don't have PTSD anymore because I've had a calm mind, I've slept well, someone walked up behind me and I didn't scream bloody murder, etc. But then, a few days later... something... happens...-- and suddenly I'm caught in a living nightmare movie and think I'm going to die and I'm trapped and I'm trying to figure a way to the exits asap! It takes way too long to calm myself down, way too long to fight off the "bad" feelings... Dagnabit, I still have PTSD. :(

The other thing I frequently think: I don't have PTSD. I really just have Munschausen Disorder--(only I'm not making anything up)-- I'm just wanting someone to care about me and to listen, which is pathetic! That's the real disorder. I think I have MS without the lying part. The truth is everyone has a sad story, some of my friends are civil war survivors and the horrors they've lived thru, some have grown up in orphanages in extremely poor places & all the crap they endured? -So I think, no I don't have PTSD- I'm just a pathetic person trying to find sympathy (although no one in my life knows anything about me--so I'm basically living a fake, happy life). Still, I'm good. I don't have ptsd.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m confused but perhaps in a different way...

I know I definitely had ptsd at one time, but anymore, I just don’t know. I really should examine the criteria again.

My case is a little complicated because my sensitivity issues pre-date my trauma by YEARS and yet the psychological community is telling me that my sensory issues are a part of my PTSD diagnosis. From what I’ve read, I qualify for sensory processing disorder, but seeing as how this disorder is still fighting for official recognition on its own, it’s kind of a losing battle, and hard to find anyone who treats these issues in adults.

Discussing this with my therapist got me nowhere. She argued it’s all a part of my PTSD even though I told her my sensitivity issues pre-date my trauma by years.

I’m going to try and talk about it with my doctor. He’s a bit more enlightened.

I guess at this point I need to accept that I definitely have some PTSD symptoms, but it may be years before I can discriminate between what reaction is due to what disorder.

 

[Teasel]

@Carpman ???

 

[Montgomery]

I've felt like this on occasion. Today is particularly bad. Other times im 100% sure my PTSD and trauma is real.
For me i feel like the abuse wasn't actually abuse and the diagnosis doesn't apply to me. Like im using it as an excuse to be depressed and suicidal. Not sure why i would want that but thats what my head tells me.

I also feel like it's just me being unable to deal with rejection and that i still love my abuser and can't stand losing him because without him i am worthless. Which sounds insane when i type it out, it just sounds like brainwashing and like im gaslighting myself on his behalf. But in my head it feels so true.
If i don't have bad enough symptoms one day i just start obsessing and debating with myself what is real and what isn't, what was abuse and what wasn't and have a mental breakdown thinking im just making it up and victimizing myself for whatever reason i come up with.

I just have to tell myself that i've been 100% honest with my therapist and was given this diagnosis despite these thoughts. The side effects of the abuse are pretty clear and so is the trauma. It's just so difficult to get out of this headspace. Sometimes it's worse than the actual PTSD itself...

 

[Gamera3000]

@EveHarrington I happen to know a little about sensory processing because of something I study professionally (or did). My kid has sensory processing disorder too, coincidentally.

I have seen cases in my profession (when I was doing it) where a person became traumatized because someone else was systematically disrespecting their sensory processing issues and the trauma contributed to their PTSD.

For example, let’s say a child had trouble looking in people’s eyes. A parent might try to “help” the child by forcing them to look into other people’s eyes whenever speaking or listening, or get punished. This may give the child more of a problem looking at eyeballs, not less of a problem. It might feel like the equivalent of looking at naked people or having something screamed in their ears. Way too intense, too intimate, and abusive. Then you have the question of at what point should the abuser know what they are doing when a person is sensory impaired. What kind of sensitivity should be expected if a another person has different sensory needs?

 

[katz]

I don't mind saying that I was "relieved" to finally have a name for it. "You mean It's not just me - being so messed up?? " Wow!