@berlinda, I did not know I had PTSD until 1991. I had been told all the things others referred to here. But something wasn't coming together for me. I still felt there was something WRONG with me. And as you shared, I had been told all my life what was bad and wrong.
It wasn't until my last T and I was talking, and I told her, 'there is nothing wrong with my 'mind', but there is something wrong with my 'brain''. I remember her cocking her head to the side as she had finally heard me. She set up the testing with the Pdoc, and the rest is history.
I wasn't excited that I had PTSD, but was relieved that 'it' finally had a name. A label. Then my therapy took a different turn and things finally started making sense and I started to feel tiny little changes I had not managed to do before.
Like so many others, I had a lot of 'labels' that fit, but it wasn't the whole picture. There wasn't as much information as there is today. But it did make sense and I felt I finally had a direction to go that made sense. It's been hard. And I have felt alone many times.
I was able to look back at all the people who labelled me 'bad and wrong' and think, just because THEY said this or that, did not make it true. If they called me a 'chair' it didn't make me a chair.
I didn't tell anyone for many years. I didn't want the negativity and judgement that came with other opinions. I had too much work to do.
I still don't do 'self-care' in the standard ways. I have found things thru the years that work for me. I have ADD and simply can not meditate. It gets on my nerves. But I have found ways to relax and be present in the now. Hope this answered your question. :hug:
