This Emptiness Once You Try To Stop Thinking Negatively

[Yvy]

Does anyone recognize this? Sometimes when my head seems to be finally silent I feel this emptyness. I think I'm so used to thinking negatively or thinking about all kinds of dangers in the past or the future, and I've lived so long in my head that I don't know what to do once I try to ground myself. It feels so empty, like I have nothing to hold onto. I've read that the negative patterns feel 'safe' in a way, allthough they aren't, but because you did this your whole life.

And I can imagine that I should think of fun things, nice things, or just try to 'be', focus on my senses. But still it feels like I'm nothing. Like I don't know who I am, like I have no control anymore. It feels a bit awful... I try to turn this around positively by doing nice things but for now that doesn't work...

So I was wondering, does anyone recognize this? What helps you? What has helped? Maybe it's a phase I have to go through but I would really like to have something to hold onto for myself. Not just that empty feeling of nothingness as if I don't exist.

 

[Deleted member 28986]

This isn't a complete answer, but when I'm feeling completely down, lonely, unsafe, etc., I sometimes find my flashback-recovery checklist helpful. My checklist is loosely based on this one: http://www.pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm

Even outside of a flashback, some of those steps can be really helpful.

By the way, if someone just handed me that list, I would be totally confused by it. My therapist and I built a checklist together, and he explained stuff in easier-to-understand terms.

I hope my message isn't too off topic, but maybe it'll help :). Big hugs.

 

[Yvy]

@The One Who Knocks thanks for your answer! That's helpful.

 

[shimmerz]

Yes. I tend to use the phrase 'blank slate' as opposed to the term emptiness that you describe. I see it as a new opportunity to re-write those empty bits. That can be really overwhelming - it is like looking at a kazillion roads, any one of which I can take, and wondering which one is best. It think what I got to was that any one of the roads would be 'better' and to be okay with that rather than seeking out the 'best'. Not sure if you can draw a parallel with this line of thinking or not.

 

[Yvy]

@shimmerz I think I understand your line of thinking. It's beautifully said. But does that feel so awful too? I think I imagined that state of emptiness or the blank slate wouldn't feel so awful like there's danger coming around the corner any moment now because I'm not controling... It's like I've lost my grip. So is it the same thing? Or is what you say something that comes behind that?