Forgetful
Gold Member
Awhile ago my Pdoc asked me why I'm resisting therapy? After discussing it and a lot of thinking I came to the conclusion that I was scared of healing. Sounds stupid, right? I mean I hate the way I feel and all of my symptoms but for me, they're my normal. What would "healing" feel like?
My trauma happened almost 30 years ago and have been symptomatic since 2 years after that. My first DX was MDD 25 years ago. It has been my constant companion since then. Its my normal. After a slew of hospitalizations, therapy, meds and other diagnosis I was DX with PTSD 7 years ago.
Earlier today I had my phone session with my T. She's great - best I've ever had! We were talking and after awhile she said she liked my laugh, she never heard it before and I sounded good. After talking some more I realized I was feeling HAPPY! WOW!
Afterwards I was thinking really hard on that. I realized that for the last week or so I've only been nauseous once, paranoia almost gone, no nightmares, very little anxiety, only 1 melt down.
I'm working on adding structure and routine to my days. I'm on disability so I'm not working but I do watch my granddaughter 5 days a week so I've had to be a little creative to do that. I make sure I spend some time outside everyday when its not raining. This is important because for the past 3 or 4 years i practicaly only went out to walk the dog or go to the doctor. I'm spending time playing with my granddaughter, and really enjoying it. I'm preparing for a yard sale next month which involves going through a whole bunch of crap and sorting it out. I'm keeping busy.
Still not sleeping much but I'm happy! I'm keeping busy which I think is helping. Feeling happy feels strange but I like it. I hope it lasts awhile
My trauma happened almost 30 years ago and have been symptomatic since 2 years after that. My first DX was MDD 25 years ago. It has been my constant companion since then. Its my normal. After a slew of hospitalizations, therapy, meds and other diagnosis I was DX with PTSD 7 years ago.
Earlier today I had my phone session with my T. She's great - best I've ever had! We were talking and after awhile she said she liked my laugh, she never heard it before and I sounded good. After talking some more I realized I was feeling HAPPY! WOW!
Afterwards I was thinking really hard on that. I realized that for the last week or so I've only been nauseous once, paranoia almost gone, no nightmares, very little anxiety, only 1 melt down.
I'm working on adding structure and routine to my days. I'm on disability so I'm not working but I do watch my granddaughter 5 days a week so I've had to be a little creative to do that. I make sure I spend some time outside everyday when its not raining. This is important because for the past 3 or 4 years i practicaly only went out to walk the dog or go to the doctor. I'm spending time playing with my granddaughter, and really enjoying it. I'm preparing for a yard sale next month which involves going through a whole bunch of crap and sorting it out. I'm keeping busy.
Still not sleeping much but I'm happy! I'm keeping busy which I think is helping. Feeling happy feels strange but I like it. I hope it lasts awhile
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