This Is A New Sub-forum For Suicide Prevention Articles And Threads.

[Barberian]

If your concerned about committing suicide and need to talk please feel free to post here. We have vets from vietnam to still in service. I'm sure there is someone here who can help you through this rough patch. There are phone numbers and web sites listed below if you need a quicker response and some one to talk on the phone or online with.

If you have any questions, comments, or articles you want to post, please feel free to do so. As of the date of this post, 22 American service members and veterans commit suicide every day. Those are just the ones that can be linked. That is not counting the guy that drove into something on purpose, that is not counting the gal who drank too much on purpose and died in her sleep, that is not counting....

Unfortunately I don't have the numbers for the other countries around the world, both allies, neutral and enemies, This post would become a wall of text if I listed all countries. I'm sure that well over 100 service members and veterans around the world commit suicide every day.

So, lets try to be positive, active, and proactive to drive those numbers down. Even if only one life is saved... It's a priceless life that deserves to go on.

American suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255 Veterans press 1 or visit veteranscrisisline
Canada suicide prevention: only place I could find phone numbers were regional @ suicide.org
UK: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90
Australia: regional @ suicide.org (<--different hotlink address embeded in text than above)

The above phone numbers were where where most current site members are from. I can't list every country. Google or Bing can find them for you if they aren't listed above. If you are from a country not listed above please add any pertinent phone numbers and/or websites.

 

[Barberian]

http://blog.theveteranssite.com/vet...dium=psatest&utm_term=20140812&utm_campaign=3

 

[Grizzly]

Barberian thanks for posting this.

This is a very difficult thing to admit. It should be admitted to my therapist more than some online forum. But fear and stigma so far prevent it.

This is a very haunting thought I deal with a lot. Not everyday, but more often than normal. I myself cannot explain why. From what has been explained here, it the depression side of the beast. Today for instance. Very dark day. And I haven't a clue why.

I realize it's a selfish act and I have lot of people who depend on me. This has been my saving grace I believe. I hope I continue to hold that strength to fight for years to come.

Whether fleeting thoughts or idealization. It has to be a normal rationalization for us right?

 

[Barberian]

Honestly I have suicidal fantasies almost every day. Sometimes they are just that - Fantasies. Somedays... I truly wish I could kill myself. When it gets really bad I go to the VA Emergency Room and get admitted to the psych ward for help sometimes. I've been there 5 or 6 times now I think. There is no shame in getting help. Far greater men than myself have sought help, who am I to think I'm greater than them?

Personal religious beliefs posted after this. Stop now if you don't want to read it.
The ONLY reason I haven't yet, or probably will is of my religious beliefs. I read in the Bible when I was around age 13 that committing suicide is forsaking the Lord, and an express trip to hell. If I think the Earth is bad, I don't want to find out what hell is like. I don't know if those words were from the Lord, or from someone who just wanted to change the book for his own reasons, but once again...

 

[Friday]

Normal here, in any event.

Most of the time, for me anyhow, it's a mistranslation. I don't want to die, I just don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm tired. Tired of hurting. Tired of being in pain. Tired of guilt. Just tired.

Ideation
If I translate it right, then I can do something about it. Sometimes it's just as simple as taking a painkiller, or talking with someone, or even sleeping. Kill the pain. Kill the lonely. Subvert the tired. Other times I actually have to change my life around, because something is clearly not working. Don't always have the energy or mental ability to figure out how to do that. At least not in a healthy way.

It's one reason why suck starting a pistol is my least favorite way of offing myself. Generally, I "just" go do something effing dangerous for awhile. If I die, great. Better me than anyone else, right? If not, round 212 starts after a brief intermission. I don't go out of my way to kill myself, here. In fact, I'm usually fighting like hell to stay alive, in more ways than one. Pour on the adrenaline. Simple choices. Black and white. A few steps before this are the hard core distractions. Needing to feel x1000 or numb out.

As long as I'm struggling with ideation, I'm okay. I still want to be here, and I'm rather desperately trying to figure out how to make that work. Either holed up and hurting, or putting on my crazy and taking it to the street... I'm still fighting. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. f*cking do this shit. Figure it out, already! Keep moving.

Suicidal
When I actually don't want to be here, anymore, that's when things get dicey. That's when we're in kissing a pistol territory.

 

[Grizzly]

@Barberian : No shame in admitting. I think a lot of people are ashamed thought or afraid to really face the thoughts. But it's very real. I just don't trust my T or anyone else enough for that matter. I'm afraid of being locked up or other consequences. Whatever they may be.

@Friday You hit the nail on the head. It's an ideation. Just being exhausted from fighting the fear, anxiety, worry, anger, panic attacks, stress and all compounded by lack of sleep.

 

[dutchiedelta]

Been digging in all the files that C45 will need.
Found a letter from GP from 2004 where he writes I've been having PTSD for years.

Yet when I had him on the phone earlier on he said there's never been a good diagnose. BS cos he knew all along. Only his own mental problems stood in the way. That has cost me and the kids dearly.
I wrote a list before here. Hearing him say this makes me want to give up and just end it all.
He has known for over 14 years I have PTSD and only when I asked foor help he send me to the wrong place of treatment. Three times over.
Right now ...just nothing anymore. Just let it be over.

 

[holdenmonty]

It is tough and the definition of harming yourself or others and idealizations are very gray to me mainly because I have told my therapist about thoughts of harming other people usually it has been while I am driving and the stupid drivers but they said that they aren't worried about those because it is more defensive and they have had those thoughts their selves. They said the real issue is if I follow them and stalk them and make a plan on how to kill them. Basically premeditated I guess. I have also told them that I have had thoughts about stepping out into traffic not necessarily to kill myself but to turn the emotional pain and all that into physical pain and a physical problem that people can't ignore/be ignorant to, but they said if the thought it just to get hurt and possibly die but no guarantee that I would die doesn't count as a suicidal thought. Sometimes it's like the ideas that I have it's almost like they dismiss them instead of addressing them. Which is tough because that's probably where some of my distrust comes from because when I felt like something should have been addressed it was just dismissed.

 

[Kaishi]

Dutchie, hang in there please. That screw up is on him. His bullshitting you doesn't invalidate your struggle. I get he's putting bricks in the road and being a jerk and it's got fairly none consequences for him, and so many for you. But you've dealt with much, you can beat one moron's mess.

(Don't know how to put this. Bad words day. Apologies if I screwed more than supported.)

 

[Grizzly]

Fact of the matter is, I doubt i would ever do something deliberate. I have fought this long. But dammit...it is tireing.

Are these ideations normal? My T says yes. But i also admitted at one time in my life I used alchohol to self medicate and was labled an alchoholic. So I am choosing words with her very carefully.

 

[JarHed]

Great sub-forum.

I think what Friday said; 'I don't want to die, I just don't want to feel this way anymore, I'm tired.' Probably echos what most feel. I've felt that way and sometimes still feel that way. I think that the people that are just too tired to fight it any longer are the ones that commit suicide. It's a sad thing but I understand it, intimately. I had a few failed attempts, guess I'm glad I failed. PTSD is crappy and always with us. There are no answers that are right for everyone. There are things that help, like therapy for instance, but you have to work at it every day. But after more years than most here have been alive you do want to think and perhaps hope for a time when it will get and stay a little better. The truth is there won't be. I hate to say this as some may feel like what's the point but for me I'm a stubborn, never stop fightin' fool. Don't know which is more important; stubborn, fightin' or fool.

It's one day at a time, sometimes an hour or minute at a time. People who don't have PTSD have no real idea what it is, what it does to you and how it affects everything in your life. And we all have these ideations, there our way of thinking that in some other place, if ya'll believe that, it will be better. No answers here, sorry. Just a guy struggling like ya'll.

Jar

 

[Jimmy1]

Australia: Dead Link Removed

Lifeline: 13 11 14
Veterans Help Line: 1800 011 046