Thoughts and feelings when t goes on vacation

[Skywatcher]

I’m actually doing much better than the last two times that my T took off work. This time we did emdr on her leaving and it made some connections that helped explain some of the transference and my fears. Even still, I’m one of those “abandonment types” and this is really hard.

I have been on a roller coaster of weird emotions and thoughts since she left. I have reverted back to negative coping skills and mild self harm mixed/followed by positive self care and using the tools that I have. The hardest thought that I fight against is that she left because she really doesn’t care about me. That I am just her job and the relationship is completely fake. I have also gone into a weird thought of how can she care about me when I’m fat? (That lasted a day). My mind has wondered if she is dead. (A lot of my abandonment is related to death)
Then I go through the “do I really need therapy?” My traumas weren’t that bad. Since we haven’t been able to work on trauma for awhile, that seems more distant as well... til it doesn’t, via trigger. :O_o: Also, I’ve gained 5 lbs with her gone, been distracting by filling the time with trying new restraunts, alcohol and dessert places followed by lots of sleeping after I finally fall asleep due to the insomnia. Going to a lot of movies as well. $ is depleting.

What happens to you when your T takes time off?

 

[Mach123]

Nothing anymore? Sometimes while she's gone I feel like stuff builds up but, that's it. I can email her or text her, I'd call her but IDK what could rise to that level if she's away. I know how it feels though to be upset by it. It used to bother me.

 

[grit]

Hey Skywatcher. I do not have anything to add but just wanted to say I read your post and it touched me. I hope you find a relief soon.

Take care.

 

[Stephernovas]

When my therapist takes time off, I find this is my time to practice the skills she tries to teach me in session. As if I was in school, and it was time for a test. I find people in the USA lucky to have therapists they can call and text/e-mail as needed. For me, I get an hour a week and that is it. If I were to try to contact her outside of session she’d scold me/tell me to figure it out on my own.