Thoughts On This?

[mytai]

I read something recently and I was wondering what you all thought of this.

"An unresolved past never really goes away until you find the courage to revisit all the pain and accept that there's nothing you can do to change the past. What's happened has happened, what's done is done."

I'm not sure how I personally feel about this. I'm conflicted. I don't know how I feel about the concept of revisiting the pain to accept that I can't change it. I can see from a logical point of view how accepting that you can't change the past would help you stop obsessing over it, but it is hard for me to think about revisiting the pain.

Curious on what everyone thinks/feels about that comment.

 

[Penny Andrews]

It is true that we as human beings withhold information in our brains that will only come out when forced due to pain. It is also true that the acceptance is within and once we have eased the pressure in our brain we think much better. Once you have accepted the pain as you say you have there are different segments of tragic that fall in line, the tragedy is within. Only you can find it and make your way clear to clear the obstruction.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Sometimes looking back on things that happened I think it might be to simple to just say 'what's done is done'. Honestly that feels like something someone tells themselves when they mess up at work, not something that can be taken and used for dealing with years of abuse.

I get the idea of the quote though but it's just words. It's putting the words into actions that is the hardest.

 

[Penny Andrews]

It is called a mental block, we as humans and all usually do have formed mental blocks. Think as you go throughout the day "It is not a mental block, it is a building block" then when you come home to deal with it in the evening you may find yourself much closer. I know I did, while working on my trauma.

 

[Penny Andrews]

The important thing is ... is knowing how to break it down, don't you? If you break it down a little bit at a time; it comes back a little at a time, the more you stare at the trauma the more the trauma returns in various forms. So, take one peice of it... a forceful hand coming at you or words that were too traumatic, break it down little by little in your mind. Share it if you can and remember continually let yourself know it is not a mental block, it is a building block. Good luck with this.

 

[scout86]

To a point, it sounds like something my T has said and it sounds somewhat like what he thinks we need to do. But, he avoids words like "never" and "always". And, I think there are a lot of things that need to be accepted. Not only that you can't change the past, but that you couldn't change the past when it was happening.

We all do the best we can manage at any given time. Sometimes there are better things we COULD do, if we were capable, but we can't do what we aren't capable of doing. We can't make good choices, if we don't know how. We can't defend ourselves from abusers, if we are children. We can't keep our friends from getting shot or blown up if we are in a war. We can't get out of the way, if we don't know we're IN the way, etc. All of that can be pretty hard to accept, but it's probably a more accurate view of the universe that to believe that we're responsible for everything and everything is out fault and we should have "known better".

And, I say all that while remembering that 2 days ago, I emailed my T and told him I was thinking about quitting therapy, selling my place, and moving somewhere WAY far away from people because I'm a jinx and bad things always happen to the people I start to trust. (Actually, I ran through this to the "barricade the driveway" point and then remembered that, locally, my T is one of the people they send out to retrieve folks who do that kind of thing and maybe it wasn't a real good plan. LOL We all have our moments, I guess.)

 

[The Albatross]

“A lot of people say they want to get out of pain, and I’m sure that’s true, but they aren’t willing to make healing a high priority. They aren’t willing to look inside to see the source of their pain in order to deal with it.” ~ Lindsay Wagner

 

[The Albatross]

;) Hugs for you Mytai. There is a difference between retelling and reliving. I had to learn how to retell without the reliving. It is hard to explain but it is possible to go back there and self examine without reliving. Maybe your shrink knows how to assist you to do this. I would ask.

 

[mytai]

@The Albatross, I think I will ask her. I know I have great difficulty when talking about the abuse to not relive it. I understand that there is a difference though, I just haven't been able to accomplish retelling without reliving.

 

[The Albatross]

It is like anything else, something to be learned. I actually learned in a rather unorthodox way... cranio sacral therapy with an astute practitioner and Alcoholics Anonymous when I was doing my 90 in 90... 90 meetings in 90 days. The AAers helped me deal with the flake outs and about half of them had "issues other than alcohol" most of which were mental health disorders. My shrink was a free flow guy and when I'd ask him stuff, he'd say that I knew the answer. Ugh. Ultimately? I did, but my other support systems helped me more. I needed the wisdom and guidance of a group to get a finger and toe hold on it. But bounce it off your shrink as my own resources here are still majorly limited (being rural and all)... I pretty much have had to take advantage as I can with what is available.

It is doable, though, honest. I can feel now when I start getting caught up in the retelling and start reliving. I can pause and center myself back down, affirm where I am and continue without seeming to skip a beat to most people.

Edited to add: Don't know if you knew that I first dealt with alcoholism before I even knew I had PTSD. I did though... sort of a cart before the horse sort of thing... but hey, it is what it is.

Here's some of my basic tools/tips: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/playing-with-the-motivational-poster-generator.23843/

 

[atthree]

"An unresolved past never really goes away until you find the courage to revisit all the pain and accept that there's nothing you can do to change the past. What's happened has happened, what's done is done."

My parents was right to say," Just forget about it." at the age of three. It wasn't until I was in my forties till I was having flash backs what happened that day. It was a day I wish I could have made a better choice.

What's beautiful, those of us with PTSD has a good conscience.

God Bless

 

[Deleted member 1860]

"An unresolved past [ie trauma] never really goes away until you find the courage to revisit all the pain and accept that there's nothing you can do to change the past [ie processing]. What's happened has happened, what's done is done."

Can someone please point out to me the issue with this quote? I am not seeing it. Perhaps it is a bit simplistic, but isn't this what we do in processing? (I know I did!)