Thoughts

[Snowflake]

Do you ever wonder if something is really wrong with you and your therapist isn't telling you? I've seen her for 2 1/2 years and I still feel like something is wrong with me-I feel stuck in the suicidal thoughts, the self-hate, the guilt, the memories. When do I or will I move on? I want her to be honest with me...what's wrong with me.

 

[Lee2001]

Good questions...following. I do hope you get some answers and that T is totally upfront with you. I think them being brutally honest is what I would want. Although my therapist says I just think badly of myself etc due to being groomed from such a young age to see myself negatively, or how my abusive family gave me a role. T says I am not broken the way I see myself. Working in changing the way I think and feel. So if you ask me; I think it's hard to know if something really is wrong or we just think there is!

 

[Snowflake]

Good questions...following. I do hope you get some answers and that T is totally upfront with you. I th...

Part of me agrees with you-the other part thinks she's lying and I'm messed up.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Question, do you trust your therapist?

You've stayed with her for a couple of years now. Has she helped you with any specific things?

I would come right out and ask her. We're supposed to able to be honest and open. Our T are supposed to be safe people. We meet in a safe place. First step, go ahead and ask.

 

[Snowflake]

Question, do you trust your therapist?

You've stayed with her for a couple of years now. Has she help...

I was going to leave her a note after my EMDR on Monday -lol.

I don't trust anyone-not even her-trust takes time after living a life like mine. But I do like her and I have progressed since working with her.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

If trust is an issue, then I would end the relationship as well. You've invested a lot of time and effort.

Would you be looking for a new therapist or taking a break for a bit?

 

[Snowflake]

If trust is an issue, then I would end the relationship as well. You've invested a lot of time and eff...

I don't know-I need to hear her answer to my question

 

[Deleted member 34328]

A wise choice. I thought you meant you had already decided to leave.

I guess I would just try to listen with an open mind if possible. Don't make any specific decisions on the spot if you can.

 

[GrayOwl]

Learning to trust after trauma is not simple or quick. Perhaps be more patient with yourself. The soul has been wounded deep, and the path to trust can be long and tedious, for good reason. Our brain is very protective of ourselves, especially once we're so deeply hurt.
The rewards are there. It is just so hard to change our patterns, overcome fears, and to be patient and give ourselves time to heal. I hurt so bad sometimes...... I want it all to go away.
Do you not trust your therapist?
Or do you not trust what you feel in your heart about others, particularly your T?
I don't mean to cause any distress, so I Do apologize if I have been too forward.
This is such a complicated subject, and impacts my life in everything.
I hope you find answers.

 

[Crow]

Took me 12 years to trust my T. I've made incredible healing progress since that shift. Talk to your T about it. She won't take it personally and it'll help her understand better where you are.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Learning to trust after trauma is not simple or quick. Perhaps be more patient with yourself. The sou...

You mentioned the issue of our minds being very protective of ourselves. I couldn't agree more.

Do you believe that once your mind has kicked into protection mode either by dissociating or suppression, that you can make a conscience choice to learn to trust, care, deal the cards you've been dealt?

 

[Suzetig]

I think trust is far from an all or nothing thing. I would say I don't trust anyone, but actually that's not true. I trust my partner not to purposely hurt me. I trust some of my friends not to breach my confidence, I trust my employer to pay me at the end of the month and I trust my manager to be honest about my work for her. All different kinds and levels of trust, but I know my tendency is not to trust.

In therapy terms, trust has been a slow, evolving concept and I would say that I trust my T to be accepting and caring of me, I trust her to be honest with me and I trust that she will always do her best for me. There are still things I struggle to trust her with and I test out the relationship much more and more often than I like but we both just accept that testing things out is part of my process with her.

Trust has grown though, it didn't start out that way at all - I wonder if it's worth looking at how your relationship with her has changed over the time, whether you can see a difference from your first session to where you are now. You may see that trust as little bit by little bit grown. I regularly think I'm more screwed up than my T does, and part of trusting her is accepting that she sees me very differently from the way I see myself. I'd love one day to see me the way she does but we aren't there yet.