Timmy's Big Jumble 'O' Mental Fuzz.

[I'll call myself "Tim".]

Hi all.

I don't really know where to start with all of this. I've never been formally diagnosed with anything, however, I know that I'm tired of feeling like I feel. I know that I'm suffering from depression and though I don't really want to admit it, an anxiety disorder of some type. I'm also angry...all.of.the.time. The anger varies from snarky comments in conversations to clenched fisted rage and seething. Within the last month, I pitched my alarm clock through a wall and apparently, the the amount of destruction wasn't enough, so I did it again. Yeah, it was dumb.

I've registered here with the hopes of learning some things. I've been to other forums, done some research and moved on. I've not found a site that contained the breadth of things that I recognize in myself...except here.

I all honesty, I'm leery of professional help. It might be that I don't have all of the facts or even that I don't have the facts right. I really can't say. You see, here's the problem: I'm a gun and self defense nut. I own weapons. I have a CCW. I place a premium on being able to defend myself and my family to the best of my ability at any given time, should that need occur. On top of this, the political climate may change, thus removing my ability to use more formidable methods of defense.

I'm most likely going to post in areas where I feel that I have some issues. I understand that what I post up may seem inane. Please be patient. I'm trying to fit together some pieces of the puzzle that is me if (and or before) I decide on therapy. I honestly feel that I ought to be able to put the pieces together myself, but I'm coming to grips with the reality that I cannot. Please feel free to make any observations that you wish. I welcome the insight. Don't worry about offending. I either have a really thick skin or I just stopped caring about non constructive criticism some time ago.

 

[catjudo]

Welcome to the forum, Tim. As you've already found, there is a vast amount of information here. There are also a lot of wonderfully supportive people here. I hope that you're able to find what you need.

 

[I'll call myself "Tim".]

Thank you catjudo. Also, thank you for editing my thread title. I reread the part where I ran afoul. I'm not used to this much structure on a forum. It's something new that I'll have to get used to. Thank you for your patience.

 

[Lauren]

Welcome Tim. Putting the puzzle pieces together is hard. I hope what you read here is helpful. There is lots of information on the home page that can help you find ways to cope. Reading posts by members will probably trigger memories for you.

I do caution you however. I am sooo glad that I have a therapist during this phase of remembering. Why you may ask? My therapist has been a vital part in my being able to start putting the pieces together. The emotions that are brought up can be overwhelming at times. Maybe it will be different for you, I hope so. All I know is that my therapist has given me tools to calm myself down (if only a little) when I get overwhelmed with panic and fear. For me it is very important to know that if it gets really bad that I can call him.Though I never have had to call, I have emailed him several times. Mainly because I have a good support system in place with my husband and a very close friend who understands as she suffers from PTSD as well. Otherwise I'd probably be contacting my T frequently.

I understand if you don't want to go to a mental health professional. It feels vulnerable to do so and how do you know that you can trust them to guide you correctly? At the very minimum read some of the info here on calming yourself down. There are so many great sections on the home page. When you are ready to get help from a professional you will do so. Finding the right counselor is imperative and even then building trust takes time. I researched all the therapists in my health care network as best I could. Then I called several and interviewed them to see if they used treatments that made sense to me and, maybe even more important, to see if I felt that there could be a connection with them. I was very fortunate to find a great therapist right off the bat.

All that to say, welcome ;o) Take it slow, read lots and enjoy the support of the members here ;o)