Tip Toeing Around Family....

[margo]

It's a delicate dance that can be done but not always easily?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Sounds like you may be needing your boundries about what you share and what you do not. Wishing you the best.
I need more information for a proper response.

 

[margo]

Sorry, I thought chit chat was a bit less restrictive, I am saying, my family, every single member but my 14 year old is in denial of my ptsd. Every one of them. It's a dirty word to say I have a mental condition and even worse I need mental help. I was diagnosed in 2007 and told everyone. Today, one family member asked me if I decided I had this condition and found it on the internet....lol

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Oh I am so sorry you are dealing with that problem. The best you can do now is set your boundries and your limits on what you will tolerate from them now. Mabe to say the subject is now off limits for you and you do not want to talk about it anymore.

This will reduce your stress with them if they will respect your limits. I hope someone comes along who has better advise.

 

[margo]

Gizmo, I had a break through with one sibling, I think my melt down in front of everyone (I am so embarrassed) for "no reason" at all gave him a clue. The other sibling wasn't going to hear of it, pull up the boot straps and suck it up is what she told me. I work with them both. It's my brother's business, I had never done that before and he was concerned....he is the same one who said did I fond my diagnosis on the internet....but that was before my melt down. I know he adores me but since he is 12 years younger than me, he didn't live the past most of us did in the family and he is trying to process it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

That must be hard on you. I really feel for you having to spend time at work with them. Mabe you could ease out of this conversation with the one who is not understanding. I am sorry you had a meltdown. I had one of those many years ago.

I am afraid that I am headed for another one. Mabe not. Being aware of something means it is less likey to happen. I just had a aha moment. I am wishing them for you. They really help us to sort things out.

 

[Lady Vet]

It's a dirty word to say I have a mental condition and even worse I need mental help.

Margo...I have come to understand PTSD differently. I understand that PTSD is diagnosed in the DSM as a category of "mental illness," but I don't see PTSD as a mental illness. The more I learn about PTSD, the less I think of it as a form of mental illness. The brain processes traumatic information is such a way that it creates micro-trauma that causes a host of residual problems with the way the brain processes information. So I personally don't care how "they" diagnose it, or what book they use. Once I stopped thinking of it as a form of mental illness, I stopped feeling ashamed of it. For other people, perhaps they find healing in that diagnosis, but not me. I don't have mental illness...I have a brain that distorts the way information is processed. And I, personally, find it offensive that it's diagnosed within categories of mental illness.

 

[Lady Vet]

It's a dirty word to say I have a mental condition and even worse I need mental help

And the more I think about this quote, the idea that PTSD is diagnosed within categories of mental illness is diagnositically incorrect. There is a statement in the very beginning of the DSM that very clearly states that if the symptoms are better explained by circumstances in one's environment or life circumstance, then a diagnosis of mental illness is not appropriate. PTSD isn't mental illness at all. It is absolutely the byproduct of a brain's normal response to abnormal experiences. The byproducts become thoughts, feelings, behaviors that create very real problems, but for me, and this is my personal opinion, the root problem isn't mental illness, it's micro-trauma to the brain. Healing the brain is possible...but it takes time.

So, like I said...once I, myself, stopped thinking of it as mental illness, then I no longer cared what anyone else thought about it.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

Hi Margo and welcome. That's such a frustrating thing to deal with. At least for me I should say. I have a sibling who I was speaking to on the phone. I was describing how my therapist and I had a discussion about my nightmares. And how she told me they're actually night terrors. I was telling my sibling about waking up at 4:30am covered in sweat from one of the night terrors I'd had this week. My sibling was asking about them. I went on to say that between the night terrors and getting up at 6am for dog sitting duties I was exhausted.

My sibling sounding all confused asked "you mean your therapist thinks you're waking up sweaty because you have to take care of the dog?" :O_o::shifty:. I wanted to say something like "ya know I kinda feel like if you're going to ask a question you should listen for the answer."

I've found that some people want to know and help if they can. And others don't want to hear my "drama". I feel like this is me. It might be hard for others to accept what I'm struggling with but, that's really not my problem. If they can't handle it then they can just leave it alone. It's not something I discuss with just everyone anyway. And the way my irritability is I might just give in and snap at them one day. I feel like I don't have a thing to prove to other people. I guess what I'm saying is I know exactly what you mean about tap dancing around things. I've made up my mind not to dance. If others can't take it.. it's on them.

 

[Lady Vet]

I've made up my mind not to dance. If others can't take it.. it's on them.

Blackbird...I feel exactly the same way. I'm not tiptoeing around anyone. My new mantra is, "Just because YOU don't understand PTSD, doesn't mean there's something wrong with ME."

That's how I feel now, and I no longer care what anyone thinks about me. I have enough energy to expend on what I do for treatment and healing on my own, I certainly have no energy or time trying to manage everyone else's response or beliefs...lol.

But we all have our own journey with this. Margo, I wish you well...blessings to your journey :)

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

That's how I feel now, and I no longer care what anyone thinks about me. I have enough energy to expend on what I do for treatment and healing on my own, I certainly have no energy or time trying to manage everyone else's response or beliefs...lol.

Exactly. After 30+ years of silence and suffering and putting everything else above me.. no more. My number 1 priority is me and my healing. I care about my family and friends and I will always do my best to be courteous etc. I'm just not going to spend my time convincing them or bending over backwards so that they are comfortable in my discomfort. I'm not going to lash out at people just because I feel like it. That's not even close to the point. I'm trying to heal over here. I need people to be patient, compassionate and understanding. Not argumentative, condescending or cold. If they can't do that then I need them to leave me alone and let me get my work done.

 

[Lady Vet]

I need people to be patient, compassionate and understanding. Not argumentative, condescending or cold. If they can't do that then I need them to leave me alone and let me get my work done.

Oh, how we are so on the same page with this....lol. I love how you put your feelings so clearly into words. And I'm so glad you're in here :)

Margo...I tiptoed around family and other for a very LONG time. This place where I am did not happen over night, either. So I'm trying to step back and remember what that was like, because you're asking for perspective based on where you are now. If I had to put into words what best explains the process for me, it was all about finding my voice and believing in myself. It all boiled down to me changing how I responded to the PTSD rather than focusing on how everyone else responded to it.

So, if I shift my perspective to that, then I find myself wondering why you tiptoe at all...for me it was about avoiding something.....but can you identify for yourself what the motivation is for you to do the tiptoeing in the first place? That may help to give you some insight as to what you yourself can change :) It's hard work, but so worth it :)