Tips for a very kinesthetic learner


You sound so much like I did. I thought I could bulldoze my way through therapy and get healed, but it doesn't work like that. I was 52 when I had my breakdown at work.
Those things are all great when I'm in a less agitated mood,
That's when you do them. After a long time you are able to use what you practiced to calm yourself when you are agitated. It does work, it just takes a long time to condition yourself.
Everything is getting worse.
That's pretty normal for trauma therapy. It truly gets worse before it gets better. It sounds like you have ideas on how do deal with this, and are taking steps to do them. That is huge. I started raising chickens when I was going through therapy, and gardening every space I had. It was a lot of work but it kept my hands busy, and the way the earth responded in a positive way when I worked with it, validated my efforts more than humans could.

You are doing as much as you can, and I hope you keep posting when you need encouragement. This is a long ugly process but you are worth it. Soon you will see that you are worth everything good that happens to you and be able to accept it.