Tired of pretending to be okay around my family

[Strangelongtrip]

My family loves me but they don't understand. I was doing better but the nightly panic attacks are wearing me in. I just want space to not be okay, and for that to be okay, not to constantly have to say I'm okay or get asked "I thought you were doing better". I feel guilty for feeling worse and shame for my PTSD. I finally sat and listened to my emotions today and it's a lot, a lot of pain and suffering. I am trying to just sit with them all. My parents don't really talk about how I have PTSD. They talk about my anxiety or depression, because those are "appropriate mental health issues" or something, or send me articles about anxiety help or tell me "it's normal, we all have it". I live with them but I pet sit a lot and do overnights but haven't had any in a while. It's so nice to have a house to myself. I want to move out and get my own place just so I can have space to do this, but I want to save money so I can get a service dog prospect and be secure in my income. I also don't want to live without an animal, they make me feel safe. maybe I could get a cat. I dunno I feel like it's not terrible bc they aren't like physically hurting me but they've been pretty awful emotionally in the past.

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

Emotional abuse or neglect can be very invalidating of a persons sense of self.

My family is exactly the same.. Recognition of depression is fine.. I'm just 'one of those' who gets it.. However whenever discussion is focused around PTSD aspects it gets ignored. I feel a sense of guilt on their behalf, to know your child has PTSD can make parents feel extremely regretful and in addition they may even feel a level of public shame as they may perceive themselves to be 'not good enough parents'.

A dog is a great companion, mine brings joy to my life everyday, he's a true life saver. Maybe you could join a local animal shelter for now until you have your own place? I feel safe with pets.

A member on here gave me good advice and that was to try and meet parents half way. Possibly explain how it makes you feel when you feel invalidated, don't talk about the label 'PTSD' possibly explain things in terms of symptoms e.g. When you ask me to do xyz.. I feel overwhelmed and then I have difficulty regulating my emotions.. Possibly try that.

Overall validate yourself, you know yourself better than anyone, stay true to your beliefs and self compassion will flourish.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Emotional abuse or neglect can be very invalidating of a persons sense of self.

My family is...

Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it!!

 

[Freida]

Funny - I just made a comment about this on another thread. My family doesn't know I have ptsd. Because then they would know why - and that would pretty much destroy them (guilt, sadness, blah blah). So its easier just to not have to deal with it. I can barely manage my own emotions. I don't have any energy left to deal with theirs. So - I only interact with them when I'm feeling up to it. It's sad because we used to be really close - but there ya go

 

[Innordinate]

I live with my parents too. I used to try to make them understand. I used to want to make them understand.
I realized they won't, they can't.
They have no reference to go by. It's not like getting a cold, where these specific symptoms show up, you treat them with these specific medications and it goes away. This is how people view disorders. They probably have nothing in their lives to compare to what you go through and PTSD has no 'rules'. Triggers are different for everyone. Secondary disorders differ for everyone, etc etc.

I don't know your situation but my parents also feel guilty for my PTSD, so talking about it constantly, at least with my parents can come across to them like I'm trying to rub it in their faces.
Constantly reminding them they screwed up. It's devastating for them too and really not fair for me to do that to them.

I stopped trying to get my parents to understand, and I can't keep making them feel bad for it (intentionally or not) so I no longer talk to them about my symptoms for the most part. I've had a few stupid moments in the last few years where I forget I can't talk to them and their responses always remind me why I don't again. It brings my mood down even lower every time I tried.

I relate to my parents better now, we talk about lighter topics only. It's sad sometimes, because I feel like of all people I should be able to talk to them about this but it wasn't worth sacrificing my own mental stability.