To Date Or Not To Date

[p-no]

On Friday, I had the session with my t. She read all those pages and to make a long story short: normal guy, approval given.

The evening before I had talked to him on the phone and at a certain point, I learned something that has changed everything and has nothing to do with him as a person. Everything was already worth it just for this.

After the session with my t, I was relieved and happy. We stayed in touch, exchanged e-mails and talked over the phone again. Few tiny alarms went off, little white flags with "please note a funny feeling here", "please note this and come back to it at some stage". Those were tiny flags but I got it! Then I was triggered (and I mean triggered). And then something happened that is huge for me: I put my perceptions above my t's judgement and acted upon them, which has proven already to have been the right thing for me.

It was nothing about him being a bad person or anything, but rather about me now walking hand in hand with my PTSD, not dismissing that some things said or heard had an impact on my PTSD symptoms. It's part of me and I feel and think that yesterday, I have made a huge step in taking care of my PTSD in a healthy way.

Was I sad about this being as it was? Yea, still am a bit. But I guess I finally got that I can never leave me, nor that I want to. I want to be okay with me, finally it's more important than a relationship.

Halleluja!!![DOUBLEPOST=1345886032][/DOUBLEPOST]I like my own post but there's no "like" to click! :eek: :D

 

[p-no]

Your post has helped me so much, piratelady, thank you!

I'm not trying to thread-hijack, but I will use my ex-husbands and my relationship as an example:

This is it! This is how I have learned most and how I have become who I am, by relating. So, giving me examples from your life is very good for me, thanks.

Feelings or not, that didn't mean that I needed to be with him constantly.

This hit home with me. Thank you for wording it just the way you did. That's the connection between the feelings and the action.

My thinking, and this could just be my fear talking, is that it is healthy to spend time away from a person, no matter how strongly you feel for them.

That's not your fear talking, for sure not. That is healthy. It's always good to change the distance. I learned this while looking at paintings of my favorite painter, van Gogh. There were masses of people there and I had to move a step here and then a step there to get at least a glimpse of one of my fave paintings of his. At one stage, it got too crowded for me in general, and I went back about 10 m just to not have all those people touch me when they were all shoved by. And all of a sudden the painting was a very different one, and at the same time it wasn't. It's what perspectives do, the hold new views in store.

I wish I could just hook up some sort of telepathic up-link and you could download what I'm trying to say, lol.

I think you did! :)

 

[piratelady]

I'm glad you had the realization that being OK with you is more important than being in a relationship. That is an important lesson to learn, and one I think a lot of people never realize. That's wonderful :)