@Cashew sorry for the delay. I had to take a step back from this.
Validation. Great question.
I do want validation. I think if he was capable of it, it could bring us closer.
My entire life I have received validation from others. I have people I considered to be "father figures" and they have all done an excellent job of showing me love. I remember when I was active duty, and If I got close & made friends with someone, childhood occasionally came up. I remember sharing it with others like a brush over, No big deal, ect... and the shock on their face said it all. Apparently I was good at undermining even my own feelings about it. I didnt want to be juged for it. I didnt like to appear weak & I didmt like the sympathy looks. I felt like it was negative attention, so I would always spin it. Make it small. I would take all the bad feelings out, and then come up with some lesson I learned out of it. At the time, I think I needed to create a false reality about it in order to be sane. People would say things like "Your so strong" "I would have no idea your childhood was so tramatic" and somehow this made me feel better. Like I accomplished something. So I worked to distance myself so FAR from it, making even my own self surprised to tell the story. It didn't feel like real life anymore.
Then one day, I got real about it. Real about myself and my feelings. It wasn't about others anymore, it was for me. I needed to get back to earth.
I never knew I needed or wanted validation from my dad until that was a possible option. Now that he lives next door, it would be nice.
But the fact is, he may not be able to give me that. We have a very surface level relationship.
So I'm not going make any decisions about it until I sort things out. If I wanted validation from others, I know I could get it. But I don't want it from anyone else anymore. I need to learn to give it to myself. And would love it from my dad (if/when) that would be possible
