Myself and my T have had our ups and downs over the past few years since I began seeing her - I quit several times and I think I pushed her or did that push-pull so bad she wanted to drop me at times.
I recently had to endure my main abuser at a family funeral and he was the same disgusting human he has always been. After I finally blurted out today (in the last few minutes of therapy) my encounter with him, my therapist was stunned by his behavior toward me. She then abruptly utters “f***, f*** him he’s a **%@n piece of work!” You get my gist.. I think it’s these moments when she just says exactly what she thinks without holding back correcting herself, that really help grow my favor for her.
I explained how I can’t sleep since and I have been reexperiencing and having way more nightmares etc since so she spent about another 45 minutes extra helping ground me as I began to have flashbacks just thinking about the details of my nightmares.. She let me know she didn’t have another client due after me that hour so just to take all the time I needed.
I guess I’m just really grateful to have this person who understands and so aptly says what my abuser is. Someone who is always on my side and gets it.
Even though I’m struggling so bad right now with anxiety and fear (real fear of my past abuser wanting to hurt me again) I feel I’ve turned a corner today because it’s one of the first times I really felt that telling her this crap actually helped. Funny how her calling him a piece of work was what helped me most, but that was the validation I really needed.
I guess I’m just sharing.. I have been very disocciated all evening since but I feel more motivated to help myself and to realize that I need to try stop fighting myself processing things. I’ve even looked up and learned about imagery rehearsal therapy as nightmares are my biggest ongoing issue, I’m going to take this info to her next week and see what she thinks about trying it or how to even.
Anyway, hope this makes sense. It’s been a while since I’ve posted here and my head is still super foggy from today and total lack of sleep/worry!
I recently had to endure my main abuser at a family funeral and he was the same disgusting human he has always been. After I finally blurted out today (in the last few minutes of therapy) my encounter with him, my therapist was stunned by his behavior toward me. She then abruptly utters “f***, f*** him he’s a **%@n piece of work!” You get my gist.. I think it’s these moments when she just says exactly what she thinks without holding back correcting herself, that really help grow my favor for her.
I explained how I can’t sleep since and I have been reexperiencing and having way more nightmares etc since so she spent about another 45 minutes extra helping ground me as I began to have flashbacks just thinking about the details of my nightmares.. She let me know she didn’t have another client due after me that hour so just to take all the time I needed.
I guess I’m just really grateful to have this person who understands and so aptly says what my abuser is. Someone who is always on my side and gets it.
Even though I’m struggling so bad right now with anxiety and fear (real fear of my past abuser wanting to hurt me again) I feel I’ve turned a corner today because it’s one of the first times I really felt that telling her this crap actually helped. Funny how her calling him a piece of work was what helped me most, but that was the validation I really needed.
I guess I’m just sharing.. I have been very disocciated all evening since but I feel more motivated to help myself and to realize that I need to try stop fighting myself processing things. I’ve even looked up and learned about imagery rehearsal therapy as nightmares are my biggest ongoing issue, I’m going to take this info to her next week and see what she thinks about trying it or how to even.
Anyway, hope this makes sense. It’s been a while since I’ve posted here and my head is still super foggy from today and total lack of sleep/worry!
