Too Scared To Sleep

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I have struggled a lot with sleep. Before my PTSD, I slept soundly. I fell asleep fast and rarely had nightmares. After my car accident, I had plenty of nightmares. As I uncovered my DID and past traumas, I've had lots of strange dreams and nightmares. The last month or so I have been sleeping better. I am not sure why.

The last couple of days, though, I have had nightmares and strange dreams again. Tonight I am alone because my husband is gone for a week. I am terrified to sleep. I tried. I slept for a little while, but then I would wake up. I keep hearing things outside or thinking I am hearing my kids crying. I am scared of what dreams might come.

After the accident, my husband had to sleep on the first floor in a recliner chair. I was alone and scared. He had no idea how scared I was on those nights. I think having him gone is triggering more of that sleep anxiety. It reminds me of those horrible post-accident days.

I need to sleep because I am never very functional without it. I have to be up early because my kids will be up early. I keep watching the minutes tick away, but I can't seem to settle enough to sleep.

 

[StarChild]

Hi, I'm sorry you have to go through so much fear and sleeplessness. I'm having quite a hard time too, with nightmares and lack of sleep. Do you think, it might help you, if I would light a candle for you right now? So you would know, that even though I'm far away, somewhere on this planet a candle with its soothing light burns only for you while you're sleeping? Maybe this could comfort you a tiny little bit?...

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@TreeHugger - That is very sweet of you. At first I read it as if I would light a candle right now and I immediately worried about fire. Then, I re-read and figured out you meant you would light a candle. I still worry that your candle would catch on fire- silly, I know. It is a nice thought though that somewhere there would be soothing light. I am about to go try sleeping again. I have been up way too long.

 

[StarChild]

Your candle already burns safely. Good night and may you have a deep, recreative sleep. :)

 

[Friday]

When I'm in a bad run, I don't sleep at night, at all. Just can't do it.

When I was homeschooling, this created a bit of a bother. Now that my son's in awayschool & his cousins are grown? Blissful, blissful day sleeper. I take him to school in the morning, come home, crash for 7+ hours and go pick him up after school. We also have the after school program now for some added cushion, although he's old enough to come be home "alone" while I'm sleeping, I prefer for him to be elsewhere / looked after (in theory).

Is there something similar you might be able to do... Just to take the pressure off?

- Call in sick to work if you work days
- Arrange childcare or sleep while the kids are in school

 

[mrsps]

Can you have a tv on in the bedroom so you cant hear other sounds, or maybe have the kids sleep in the same room as you? You will be ok without your husband just remember to take each day as it comes. You are stronger than you think. I hope you can get some sleep xx

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@FridayJones - I am on summer vacation so no school work for me for now. Taking care of the kids is my job for now. I will be sending them to daycare a couple of days, but for the most part I won't be able to sleep those days. Nap time is sounding really good today though!

@mrsps - I could not have a TV in the bedroom- I hate masking sounds. I get even more paranoid that I am missing an intruder or a child crying. That's one of the reasons we moved- there was constant highway noise and it drove me crazy at night.

I think I managed a couple of hours of sleep. Very tired now, but the boys are ready to go, go, go.

 

[Friday]

Don't forget... It's okay to:

- Make a blanket fort or set up a tent in the living room
- Order in pizzas
- Have a movie marathon day

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@FridayJones - One boy is watching a movie right now. The other is playing with construction trucks and chatting. I am mindlessly staring at the computer screen. A little bit longer and it will be nap time!

 

[mrsps]

Glad you got a couple of hours sleep, hope you manage to get some more :)

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Couldn't sleep when the boys napped. I was too jumpy about having therapy later and I didn't want to oversleep. Maybe I can sleep tonight. Maybe not. We'll see.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Woke up at 3 a.m. and I couldn't get back to sleep until shortly before the alarm went off.