Total alcoholic, can't stop

[Supervixn]

Alcohol has been my companion for years and helped me through so much suffering. The very, very few people in my life always threaten me and give me ultimatums to persuade me to quit, but to me they are secondary to alcohol. Anyone please advise. I'm unable to quit right now. I don't feel like I can deal when alcohol helps me feel like I don't have to care. I don't feel like that even if I were sober I'd be enough for them anyway. So I feel like, why bother

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Those feelings of not feeling good enough are a real bitch. I'm sorry others make you feel that way and that your brain/self-talk reinforces it. :(

Alcohol was my self-medication companion for quite a while. But it wasn't a very kind or healthy one, at all, albeit damn convenient, legal, and affordable compared to many of my other choices. I drank a shit load of hard liquor in my teens and 20s, shifted to shitloads of beer, mead, and wine in my 30s (along with Bailey's in my coffee and hot chocolate), strictly casual beers in my early 40s, then finally gave it all up, among many other things, at the age of 46ish thanks to a medical emergency.

We all reach our limits, eventually, it seems, and in our own time and way. I tend to have to be catapulted towards helpful change via dire circumstances, unfortunately. May you find a kinder gentler way to somehow love/nurture yourself through whatever it is you keep trying to drown out.

When I finally decided to give it up, kombucha fermented tea was a life saver for my cravings in replacing the beer....ginger flavored was my favorite, on tap...as it had the fizz and borderline nasty-ish taste that reminded me a lot of alcohol. It helped me wean off both alcohol and sodas, and I never thought either would happen in my lifetime as I thoroughly enjoyed them both for decades.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. I’m a recovering alcoholic sober since 1991. I drank all day at the end, tried so many times to quit, always picking up again. I hated that I craved alcohol. I only wanted to do things that would allow me to drink. It was a never ending circle. I finally went to an AA meeting. I kept going. I listened to other people tell their stories, identified with some but not all. I just kept going. I was able to put down the drink through AA. You don’t have to stop drinking alone. Good luck.

 

[jmad]

I hear you.

When I saw the thread title I looked at the 7 cans of beer before me and I related. I can give it up either, even though my psychiatrist has warned me that it ultimately makes my mental health situation worse; some neurochemical process I don't fully understand. But I can't quit. In those really bad days its the best way for me to cope, it's the only real way I can sleep.

I don't have any advice. Just to let you know you're not alone. I'm with you on this. We are human.

 

[TXbandit]

Been there. Sending hugs and good thoughts. Keep fighting like hell. You are good enough. And to hell with them if anyone else doesn't think so. Do what's best for YOU. Tell them threats and ultimatums only make it worse. That never works. Instead, when you are ready, allow yourself to ask those you trust to help. Especially if you feel like you can't do it alone or you are about to go down a really bad path. The cycle just repeats itself. It's ok to ask for help. I'm glad you are here reaching out. I hope the best for you. Hang in there.

 

[blackemerald1]

People that are putting you down for 'not being good enough etc.,' are toxic themselves and do not help. Nagging isn't helpful. Your doc telling you to stop without discussing how you are going to start the 'stopping' process isn't helpful either.

I'd suggest find a person who will not cast judgement on you (probably a former drinker who kicked it...would be good) and start having a meaningful discussion. Or start going to AA as @KwanYingirl suggested may be a big step in the direction you want to go.

Best wishes,

 

[KwanYingirl]

As @blackemerald1 i do not judge you. I am here whenever you need me. You can go onto the AA website and take a look around.

 

[Supervixn]

Thank you all. I was resistant to the idea of AA but now am thinking it might be what I need... what are some of your experiences with AA? How did it help you? Thanks for the support guys, you're all amazing :)

 

[blackemerald1]

Ok well I don't know where you are. But take a look at their website. They also have a support telephone service in some places. If you do not want to go to your local AA bc it's too local. Try another town or area. Turn up & be willing to listen.

You don't have to tell anyone what you are doing or even why (unless you have a supportive partner).

It is a slow and demanding process without telling ppl who are going to then pile on huge expectations. But it doesn't have to be a secret either.

You said in your OP that alcohol has been your constant companion. I think you will find that there will be people (in real life) who will have similar things to say about their experiences. Actually I am certain of it. It's probably a good idea to tell your psydoc.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

So really you are already on the journey. Don't be afraid of setbacks...AA will help you along.

There are other avenues (places to go) for alcohol abuse problems but try AA first. They have stuck around all over the world for a very long time for good reasons.

Keep posting with how you are going..if you feel like it.

Go well..

 

[ladee]

I know just how you feel, and think. I went into rehab in 1984 and have been sober ever since. I used AA for many years. There isn't anything you can say in those rooms that hasn't already been shared by someone... but try your best to listen.. just listen.. and see if you relate. I went to AA for many years, but mostly went to NA (Narcotics Anonymous) as I related to the people there more. But those people, a sponsor, and those meetings saved my life.
In 1991 I was diagnosed with PTSD, started seeing a therapist and so many things I lerned in those rooms helped tremendously with my healing work in Therapy.... it's very scary to walk thru those doors for the first time... and you may have to shop around for a meeting you like, or go to many different meetings.... it works if you work it....

Many of us here are in recovery from substance abuse, that for a long time, that saved our life, until it didn't... I understand where you are, I understand your fear, but I also know you will get the help you need... AA isn't for everyone.. there are many ways to get help to stop drinking today... wishing you success and of course we are here for you too....

 

[Friday]

There is substance abuse treatment specifically for people with other disorders / mental health issues.

It’s called “dual-diagnosis”.

It’s usually in a rehab like setting, more hotel than hospital, but staffed with doctors/nurses & psychologists/therapists, instead of just chemical dependency counselors (a 3 month - 2year certification that is in no way equipped to handle things like PTSD, nor disorders that require medication management, etc. rather than pure and absolute abstinence).

 

[Supervixn]

I guess my only obstacle at the moment is childcare. But I will figure that out in order to do the work I have to do