Totally In The Dark

[nvgirl]

I need some advice please!
Background - my boyfriend had a serious episode a few weeks back. I don't know specific details, but he has been disconnected ever since.
As of right now - it's been 3 days since we've spoken, text, had any communication. We've never gone this long without communicating and although I have tried to reach out, asked if he's ok, etc... I have received NO response.
What is my next step? I'm not one who just goes to someone's house unannounced, I don't know what I'd be walking into if I did. But do I do that??
I just left a voicemail and a text asking him to just tell me if he's ok - but I haven't heard anything.

Please - someone give me some advice.

I don't know if this is another episode, or if he just doesn't want to talk to me, although we have a great relationship and all was great as of Saturday...

 

[Ron]

Hi there, I have been through this with my brother. If you think he is alive and well I would just leave him be. The ball is in his court. You did your part, you left messages. He has to man up and communicate with you. Just hang on, he will come around. Good luck, and good to meet you !

 

[nvgirl]

Really? I feel terribly guilty as our last conversation wasn't wonderful, it wasn't bad, but wasn't wonderful... I just wanted to see him, but he was exhausted (doesn't sleep), so we didn't get together and I was a bit disappointed.
I don't even know if his PTSD is the problem - that's where I'm struggling!!!
Honestly - I don't know if he's alive... I plan to at least drive by and see if his vehicle is at the house tonight - but I don't believe in 'dropping in'.
I guess part of me is scared.
As much as I feel that this is unfair to me, I also know that I didn't do anything wrong (outside of request to spend time w/ him). I am trying to justify it and tell myself that it may be that he's not able to communicate with me, he may not be able to send me a simple, "I'm ok" text... Instead of my mind going wild and thinking that something is wrong.
We've had a great relationship - he knows that i care so much for him, so i can't think that he would just walk away - - - - right???

Ugh - I'm sorry - just a bit freaked out.

 

[nvgirl]

BTW - Thank you Ron!!!!!

 

[nvgirl]

Well - I drove by...
His vehicle was there. I guess that's a good thing...
I just wish I knew what to do - do I just wait for him to come to me??
Do I continue to reach out?

For those of you who know - does this 'disappearace' sound like he's dealing w/ his PTSD?

I really do appreciate anything anyone can contribute!

Thanks!

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Welcome to the board!

The disappearance can definitely be a symptom of PTSD. I do this on a regular basis. However, with a few close friends, we have a mutual understanding that if I do not respond for a certain amount of time that they in fact can and should stop by. I have a crisis plan set up I follow should I feel suicidal. My much more common issue is dissociation and for that it definitely helps if someone stops by to slowly get me out of it, just by talking to me, playing cards. In those cases I'm usually not up for lots of activities at that point, but it definitely helps to know that someone cares.

As it has been the longest amount of time that you have gone without talking, I would definitely consider stopping by, maybe with a small dinner (take out, or something simple). If you both are the movie watching type of people, maybe bring a movie you might both like, but don't push that. Talking or simply spending quiet time together having a light dinner might bring you closer again.

 

[Srain]

I agree with Deaf Global, I do it in my home. Sound advice.

Rain

 

[nvgirl]

Thank you Deaf Global Nomad -so very much!!!
I guess my biggest fear is to make him angry that I just popped in.
Since he isn't responding to my texts, voicemail, email, etc... I don't want to FORCE him to talk to me or see me.

So - tell me, can he function like a normal person and go to work with the 2 people who are closest to him (I'm taking myself out of the equation as he has decided to cease contact with me) and them not notice anything? So, they wouldn't know to contact me to tell me something is wrong?? (They contacted me with the episode a few weeks ago as he was quite volatile from my understanding and initially asked me to meet them at his house.) He's incredibly private anyway and I HIGHLY doubt he discusses me with them outside of my name being brought up in passing... He did mention to me on Sunday when we spoke last that even the 2 of them mentioned to him that he seemed tired.

I'm scared at his reaction if I just stop in - I shouldn't be??? I find it disrespectful, but I'm worried and I would do anything for him!!!

Is there anything I can do more for him? What role do I play??

PS - I'm truly thankful for this forum right now - It's so complex regardless of all the reading and research I've done. That's why I have come directly to the source and am trying to understand and go off of what is unfortunately so REAL...