Tramatic event followed with bullying = ?

[savage]

Hello. Looking for some personal views on this. I will give a brief description as much as I can.

Was in USMC and was loading large forklift onto a semi trailer. A higher rank was hand signaling me on. The tires were muddy. I slid off the ramps not 1, not 2, but 3 times. He was my superior and I had to follow his commands. I felt helpless. The 4th time I got it on the trailer. It slid off the side with me in it. I injured my knee and shoulder. An even higher rank came out after the incident. This was a weekend. He was mad.

Just the 3 of us and I took the blame without being able to explain myself. Monday morning the forklift was at our company next to all the other pristine models like it. Entire company saw it, everyday, for months. I was bullied and harassed but kept quiet because of my rank. The destroyed forklift was a constant reminder to me and everyone else that I had the accident.

Since accident, which was 20 years ago, I feel the need to control everything in order to prevent making any mistakes. I want to avoid people not liking me or people being mad at me.

I have nightmares of stress dreams. But not necessarily about the accident itself. It's more social anxiety related but morphed off from the bullying after accident. It's long a big long stressful event.

So, I was wondering. The dreams I have about people not liking me, is this still ptsd? They are in concept similar to how I felt during this few month long event.

On a side note. Trying to prevent any mistakes in life is very taxing on me. I have EXTREME anxiety. I think out every worst case scenario with EVERYTHING for any situation.

Thanks for reading and look forward to your feedback

 

[Friday]

Hey, dog. ‘Nother jarhead here.

So, I was wondering. The dreams I have about people not liking me, is this still ptsd? They are in concept similar to how I felt during this few month long event.

This is one of those… the incident itself is not enough to cause PTSD, (although if the bullying = blanket parties, &/or other life threatening assaults? Those can, and very naturally would link back to the incident that precipitated)…

…but if you already had PTSD? (Combat, sexual assault, childhood trauma, etc.) Or developed PTSD later (from any life threatening event or sexual assault)? It’s what’s called a stressor. Something that doesn’t rise to the level of causing but sure as hell makes everything worse, because stress & stressors + ptsd = bad times.

IE See Stress Cup & Trigger or Stressor.

That said? There are a helluva lotta conditions that develop or get worse with trauma or stress. Panic disorder, Anxiety disorders, sleep disorders, eating disorders, list goes on.

So it’s one of those… Makes total sense if you have PTSD, but also makes sense if you don’t.

 

[MaplePancake]

To go through that sort of treatment for months on end is really really tough. And this was your job so you couldn’t just leave. You had to endure it. I can not add much more than what Friday said about PTSD diagnosis. I know that the link between an event‘s supposed severity and how badly it affects a person is not as straightforward as many people would think. The brain is complicated for sure! Personally for me I have criterion A (what you need to be diagnosed with PTSD) but a lot of what has really made my life challenging is not criterion A. It sucked. But not criteria A and I guess therefore not what a clinician would consider traumatic.? Actually there is a post on the AsK DrCatalyst forum that may help you. Just a second I will find it.

 

[MaplePancake]

Ok so the post is titled Understanding Trauma for PTSD diagnosis and Anthony is the poster. I hope it will help answer some of your questions. You have been dealing with this for years and deserve peace and healing

 

[savage]

Thanks for the reply Friday and Maplepancakes. I already have the diagnosis multiple times but just really trying to figure it all out. Feel like I'm a prisoner in my own brain. I wish I knew what it was like to think like a "normalish" person. Before all of this it wasn't so bad. Not worrying about safety stuff as much or what other people thought. I'm so sick of over analyzing everything. I'll check out that post Maplepancake! Thank you.

 

[Freida]

omg. You just described an incident that I went thru back in my Air Force drama days. I was the only female on the squad and they bullied the shit out of me. Then came the day of the forklift crash - forklift/wet dock/bad instructions/etc which everyone made sure I remembered for months. After a while I found out they had a pool going on who could make me cry each day, and what it would be about, and the forklift drama was one of the high payouts, which made me realize it was a set up.

Sometimes people just suck.
Could this have caused ptsd? Who knows?
Could it "just" be anxiety? Who knows?
Does it matter if that was the incident that caused it, or if it was already there and this just made it worse? Who knows?

The end result is you are battling anxiety and maybe ptsd from something and you deserve help getting on top of it. And it's ok to ask for that help.

On a side note. Trying to prevent any mistakes in life is very taxing on me. I have EXTREME anxiety. I think out every worst case scenario with EVERYTHING for any situation.

Yep - When I first started therapy my T kept reminding me that most people don't have back up plans to their back up plans, or had go bags ready to grab out of the closet if they needed to disappear. Who knew?!