Trapped In Corner

[Little Flower]

O. I use a pistol for that

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I'm not in America, I'm 14, only weapon I can carry with me is my Bokken and Jo

 

[darrenS]

Hang in there Little Flower , just relax...let go...just say kinds things to yourself - sometimes i think our down days are like inventory...we need to take stock - when i get like that i dream of heading back to aussie to fish and surf and when in Melbourne , i always head past cape otway , to Johanna or castles for a good fear fix and a good surf fish

 

[Little Flower]

Sounds nice

 

[Little Flower]

I've never been to any of those places. I like to watch Natgeo

 

[darrenS]

l love travelling, I absolutely love Africa and seeing it for real, alone and living there for months was a real blast...but getting off the beaten track, you have to be prepared for robberies, kidnappings, extortion and corruption, but if you can get past that , it is an amazing place . The amount of people , color and activity is mind boggling

 

[Little Flower]

I think I'll stick to watching it on tv :)

 

[Little Flower]

:cool: I may be in a corner but I don't feel so trapped tonight I'm finally home from my trip and I'm exhausted. But my heater works finally so it's snooze time before the alarm goes off :) dreamland

 

[Little Flower]

Good morning

 

[Little Flower]

I sitting on the edge of the bed today pondering all my thoughts and emotions from this weekend. Although I experience anger, abandonment, self-inflicted trouble I also had a few moments of happiness. I took a chance and contacted a cousin I haven't spoken to in many years. He's the same sweet honest kind of guy his father was. Uncle Carol. Strong man of faith. Well known and liked in his community. Bricklayer by trade and highly talented singer and piano player. He sang at my wedding. I wish I had paid closer attention to him. Spent Saturdays with his wide doing a clown ministry at hospitals.
Is I have grown older , my respect had grown deeper as I hear stories if his generosity and his love of life and people.
Uncle Carols been gone a couple years but he really left us many years ago due to Alzheimer's.
Today I want thank him for his positive role in my life. And my aunts . Having 5 children if their own , they gave me and my bro and sis toys when were little in a way no other relatives did. They made special visits just to see us. Many other wonderful memories early childhood
come out when I think if the visits to their loving home. That leads to my next topic

 

[Little Flower]

I'm waiting this morning to have my account confirmed. I can't confirm it by the confirmation email. (Gmail) account. It doesn't belong to me. I don't even know who it belongs to but it's some poor guys acct that's getting confirmation to my account (yahoo.com). As I wait to get this untangled I'm reminded of a childhood saying or it may be an author who said " o what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive ). Impulsiveness and hyper vigilance makes me volatile when I perceived danger. Even if the danger is not real or personal
I took one short trip out to get food today. It was less than ten min but its given me a warm up of sorts which may lead to actual work.
I had my furnace fixed yesterday and I was able to make progress cleaning out my parents belongings. Just knowing someone else was in garage gave me courage. I need to continue working but have panic attacks if I'm out there alone. Still I made some progress and my reward is seeing empty places on the floor. I love it

 

[Little Flower]

I'm still having deep depression on how to handle a transition from divorcee with alimony to and independent person. I don't like the alimony because it continues to tie me to abusive x. But moving forward again after the trauma if my last job makes independence seem like a hopeless dream. I know it's not I worked so hard to climb over the mountain of depression and abandonment Now I'm at the foot of the mountain again. I've scaled a few stepping stones but nothing yet that's going to get me to the summit. No matter what's over the next hill
I would rather see it than imagine it