Trauma Anniversary And Increase Of PTSD Symptoms.

[MissEngland]

Hello everyone.

I'm a new member.

I have found that as every anniversary of the trauma passes, my ptsd symptoms increase, then subside.

I have the anniversary tomorrow, and I feel like I'm on red alert, woke up with horrific nightmares, scared to sleep, then flashbacks and anxiety.

Could you tell me if you experience an increase of symptoms around the anniversary time, and what do you do to combat these?

I can't stop jumping out of my skin every time I hear a noise.

Any ideas? Anything you have found that helps you cope would be gratefully received.

Do you have strong reactions to the trauma anniversary even after 10 years?

Thank you.

 

[BethRSA]

Hi MissEngland,

I'm glad that you found us. :thumbs-up I trust that we will be helpful to you.

I also have struggled with anniversaries of my trauma (July/August) that happened 11 years ago. Some years have been better than others, with this year even better (after finding the forum). There is a thread somewhere--go to "Search" and type in "Anniversaries". That may help you to find it.

Thinking of you. It is difficult.
:Hug_emoticon: Beth

 

[amethist]

Hi MissEngland

Welcome to the forum.

There is a lot of information about Trauma Anniversary's and increased symptoms, plus how others try and either avoid remembering or trying to do something completely different instead.

As Beth has already suggested the search idea is a good way to find other posts about how others cope.

Good luck and take care.

Amethist

 

[onebravegirl]

Hi Miss!
Welcome to the forum! This is a great place for you to find support, even on a day to day basis.

So, today is the day huh? I found that Anniversaries bothered me for much longer than I had at first realized. Before I really understood PTSD, I just thought that weird things just coincidentaly got difficult certain times of the year. (April and July)Then I figured out that even if I wasn't conscious of it at the time, I had been reacting every year.

After a great deal of therapy, the anniversaries do not bother me any more. May or August will pass by and then my husband will remind me of how Hard things had been for me every other April or July and that he was waiting for the same, but it didn't happen.

When I first came to a full realization of PTSD and the Anniversaries, they were much harder hitting. Knocked me right on my ass. New memories would arise, new sensations etc.

But I gradually learned to just do my best to "Float" as much as I could. Instead of resisting the painful memories I welcomed them with an open heart and mind. I would let the pain flow through and pass by at its own pace.

Staying quiet and comfortable was a great help. But more than that was resisting the idea of isolating, and pushing myself to talk everything out with someone who genuinely cared. Gradually it almost become like an opportunity to "Purge" and the load got lighter year by year.

I hope that you have moments of quietness and security today Miss. Try and remind yourself that this is your pain trying to heal. This too shall pass.:Hug_emoticon:

O

 

[anni]

Hi,

It's a lovely place to be if you're having such an awful time of it. This is one thing you can do for yourself as this awful day comes and goes. I never was able to successfully manage these sort of days just because I had a ton of them, but I know you'll find an awful lot of wonderful feedback from others who can tell you of how they found relief.

I do wish to tell you that, at least for me, these days became less traumatic as the years went by. I'm not sure why. I've had great therapy, and have genuinely worked at recovery so I am sure that has helped a lot. I also think that maybe to a point we sometimes just plain eventually heal, at least somewhat. It's been almost 2 decades and I wish I were a whole lot better than I am, but when I think about how broken I was then I'm very grateful for right now!

Sometimes it feels like we have to have some inevitable healing just as part of being human. If we break an arm or get fall and cut a leg on a rock, autonomic systems kick in. All sorts of healing mechanisms kick in without us even trying and start rebuilding the damage and one day the bone is mended or the cut stops bleeding and is then healed over. There's always a scar, I know, but my point is, is that I think we probably have no choice but to eventually heal at least somewhat.

I hope your pain lessens every moment, and you have some peace.

Please take care,

Anni

 

[hapa_gurl87]

I'm having a significantly hard day being my anniversary and all of going back to my High School and facing the people who hurt me. Well the administration in general, who I felt hurt me by ignoring me and not doing much to solve my problems when I was having them during the time I was a student at their school. It brought up my trauma to share with them my story of ptsd and the abuse I experienced.

Why did I do that? I didn't have to tell them so much but I felt like I had to blurt it all out because my therapist wanted me to share with them so I shared. I just thought thats what the point of the meeting was to share. Even though I knew that intuitively I didn't want to share or act mature or guarantee them any help in making their school a better place and what I desired more then anything was to sue their ass for multiple damages. I'm merely a threat to them and I will always be.

The thing that humiliates me is I was so left cold in the dirt after the meeting and what made it worse is they did not check up on me to see how I was doing and did not return my phone calls or e-mails. They dropped me like I was a parasite who would only give their school a bad name.

Well I'm tired of feeling shame , anger and hurt. Im tired of fighting trauma like i did for four years after the bullying. I don't know if i have what it takes to fight again and i need some encouragement, some ones guidance and a helping hand for comfort and support. I'm so fed up with being a victim!!! When will survivor scream in my ear again and ring its bell. When will transformation occur and change benefit me again!!!!!! Isis I praise your spirit to protect me and to return to that sacred place inside of me!!! You got me out of this the first time, heal me again! I beg of your healing magic and protection through your spirit that serves and protects all women in difficult times.


May the divine goddess always prevail inside of me giving strength and courage to face my own struggles and sacrifices. May she protect me against evil and wrong doing.
May she help me find a sense of justice I seek and help me bloom into the flower I once was again.

Affirmation for the days after today!!!!

Hapa gurl

 

[Hemels]

Hi MissEngland,

Welcome to the forum :hello:

I have decided to post because I am slightly different then everyone above who has posted. My trauma mostly happened on a day to day basis for a duration of 8 years so I don't have anniversaries per sey. (due to me being in a domestic violent relationship) I am always tense, I am always on alert, there isn't a day goes by where I don't have at least one trigger (no matter how small)

But the only day I suffer the most is my Ex's birthday. I may have suffered the mental, physical abuse on a day to day but on this date was when I got raped and almost strangled to death. This day I have to book off work and stay at home, not leave the house and have my boyfriend move everything that I could SH with (since I SH through my BPD) I become inconsolable and need a close eye kept on me on this day ... after it passes the simptons slowly decrease again to their normal day to day level.

I hope you can make sense out of this and I ain't just waffling :smile:

Hemmy xXx

 

[anni]

You're not waffling- you made perfect sense, Hemels. I'm really glad you have someone to keep an eye on you for that dreadful trigger day, and look forward with you to the day when it's GOING to be a day which is entirely yours again. Not his.

Maybe these anniversaries don't feel as if they will ever, ever belong to YOU again, but they will. 20 years later my abuser/stalker is dead and I do get some satisfaction out of the fact that I'm NOT and he wished me to be. PLEASE do not feel frustrated and think I'm giving anyone an annoying 'rah-rah' speech? I know how irritating that can be. I was just able to get 'here', in this place where the various things which used to matter so much no longer do ( so much ). I wasn't very good 'then' at managing those dam anniversaries-I lived through them which is all I can say. You're at least aware of them, prepared and want a way not to feel like that. I wasn't even that together! I had some great therapy, the grace of TIME and the luck of a solid relationship since then.

I just know that at some point you won't have such a dreadful time of it, and wished to give you that hope, at least.

Take care,

Anni

 

[MissEngland]

Thankyou to you all.
I havent ever met another person with ptsd.
I got through the anniversary day by taking a couple of valium ( emergency use only)
i was waking up with a 10 foot man in my bedroon, in my nightmare.
Each year i try to stay awake all night untill 9am-12,oclock. ( the time of the trauma) then sleep in daylight
My head says if only i was awake i could have had more of a chance to fight.
This year the symptoms where so bad, i was a nervous wreck.
The tablets helped calm my anxiety and lessened the nightmare scale from 100 down to about 50.
My questions is ive noticed i get clusters of nightmares for a time, then it changes to all flashbacks. Does anyone else reconiognize this?

Im dyslexsic, so spelling is difficult for me, so bare with me.

Also when i have a flashback, my eyes blink uncontrollably. Does anyone else get this?
I had EMDR treatment, but it made me worse not better having to repeat the trauma while the therapist moved his hand/ finger across my face.
I was basically told at the end, that due to the horrific nature of the attack that my PTSD has become resistiant to treament and that i will have to live with it. GREAT!

I have so many questions i want to find out.
I have tried to hide my ptsd for years, sometimes its harder than i can bare.
When im in a big supestore and someone has walked up behind me, ive literally screamed. You cant hide stuff like that.
I havent had treatment in the last year as they felt nothing else could help me.
I so want to learn a way to heal myslef. I dont choose to be this way. i cant stop my body from remembering what my mind chooses to forget, but then comes out the blue in the form of flashbacks.
Please, help answer my questions and then i will at least feel a certain amount of normal?
Thankyou and godbless

 

[anni]

Hi,

I hope you can find answers here and be able to center yourself, and BREATHE. That isn't a form of therapy, it's just rememebering who you are, and the lovely person that is still there despite the traumas that dreadful person wrecked upon you. I'm not a professional, just someone who has suvived when someone also wished me to be dead. I fortunately was not resistant to therapy, but please know that you are just plain not alone. Some of this is an autonomic response-your system got rewired, your energies redirected, redeposited and short-circuited, I'm also guessing that there is no such thing as someone whom a good, solid caring therapist would tell 'can't be helped'! I'm so sorry this happened to you!

There's a GREAT thread from a few weeks ago about how a LOTTT of s had bad experiences with unbelieveably bad therapists. If you have the energy, please try to find it. There are pages and pages of posts all about 'professionals' who really have no business whatsoever digging around in the psyche of a PTSD sufferer, or anyone else for that matter. It might be helpful for you to see that perhaps the folks who tell you that you cannot be helped are WRONG. :) You'll also see posts where it took some time, but that one can find a great therapist given energy and hope!

Please, just know that you ARE 'normal', have suffered an abnormal experience, but CAN have your life back?

There are a couple of things which tell me you're very bright and WILL get through this. For one, you so much wish to be better and seem SO willing to work towards recovering. Believe me, being here helps and is some part of doing that work. For another, you said you are dyxlexic. When I was at college as a very broke student my job was tutoring dyxlexic kids. NO idea why they chose me- I had zero tools, no insight that I could think of and often felt like the students were telling me how to help them! Funny! These kids were, 100% of the time, over-the-top bright people. It was a fabulous job, although I am not at all sure how much I 'tutored'. At any rate, you are very, very smart, obviously driven to get better and you have HOPE or you would not be here.

Please find the energy to perhaps go out of your immediate area and find a therapist or group who isn't going to talk crap! :)There ARE also ways to help heal yourself, and I'm sure people here will come let you know what has worked for them. You can get better, sweetie, and it sounds as if in your heart at least you do have that hope!

Take care, ok?

Anni

 

[helena]

Hi Miss England,

Welcome to the forum. I am very sorry to hear what you are going through but know you have come to the right place to get support and advice.

In addition, the learning sites on the site are invaluable for explaining flashbacks and how to deal with them and reading through those may help you understand and give you more tips on how to deal with them.

Look forward to reading more of your posts

Helena