Trauma detail that is too humiliating/shameful/embarrassing to be able to mention?

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
Hi I was like this all my adult life but I didn’t know it? There was a whole part of me blocked off. When it started coming out, I basically tried to commit suicide with drugs.

I survived that and when I got to this therapist, to whom I’ve completely spilled the beans over a five year period or so, it took two years squirming in the chair to just bring it up.

Then there were some lingering details and things that came out slowly. But it’s much easier now, I trust her now. Sounds silly. It’s not it’s a process.

IDK if I have anything else to say out loud? Maybe. I know there are things I don’t remember. The big part of that work though is done for me.

I don’t think you should force it or worry about it. You will say it if and when you have to. Don’t stress about it. : )
 

joeylittle

Administrator
i have now started such a thread but put it in social. If admin think it should be somewhere else I apologise for creating work :)
No work - I've left it where it is, as it's non-trauma oriented. In the future, you can let us know by hitting 'report' on the post, and we'll take a look.

Is there anyone else that has dealt with something similar?
Yes, definitely. I'd say, three or four things...maybe just three, that I found it absolutely impossible to talk about for quite awhile, in therapy. What worked for me was a combination of being patient with myself about it and - when there was an opportunity just to say something about it - reminding myself that I'm in therapy to talk about these things, and then just saying some part of it without thinking too hard.

I found that once the general idea, or topic, or an aspect of it - anything, really - once I had gotten that out into the air, it became significantly easier to contemplate talking about it more. Not necessarily easier to do it, right away. But it was much less intimidating.

IN the end, with all things like that - I ended up writing them out first, before I was able to talk about them. It helped to know that my Therapist already knew what the story was going to be. Then, the challenge was not related to the content, only to speaking the content aloud. For a few of them, I followed up writing them outside of session, to sitting and writing them in-session, and then reading those words out loud. This was another kind of distancing technique that was useful for me.
 

FauxLiz

Sponsor
Sorry I am just getting back here. I have been traveling since Friday afternoon and just finally am settled in one spot for a month give or take.

within my trama i have had incedents that happened which i genuinely have tnno name for. o name that here? to admit it? the thoughts and feelings are immense.
Yes, this is the thoughts are overwhelming.
there have been other events that have been humiliating that I have never spoken about because it didn't then seem necessary.

Except for me it’s something *I* did in response to severe trauma in every area of my childhood, and trying desperately to get out.
Unfortunately, because of what I have done to myself, I don't believe that not saying will work, and my responses , well some have been so significant that they would be considered straight up self-mutilation not just self-harm including unnecessary surgeries.
I'm just too ashamed and e!embarrassed to mention them. I'll probably take them to my grave.
This is what I want to do, but, I am concerned that if I do, is something happens/triggers me I will go to extremes again.
when I got to this therapist, to whom I’ve completely spilled the beans over a five year period or so, it took two years squirming in the chair to just bring it up.
I wish this was the case. I have been with this T for close to 3 years. I trust him and have told him things I have never said to anyone or written down except my paper journals which I have kept since I was a tween.

I will write more later, but I only got an hour of sleep last night.
 

FauxLiz

Sponsor
I know I said I would write more and I am working on it offline, I just am finding it difficult to put here and even talk about a little bit. I really appreciate all the support from everyone here.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I have a few things I've never told anyone but will not. In a few I did it, but it's long past and I choose (have been told) to see it that way, and been told (by one person) not to be ashamed. I've had things done to me (more recent), but over time I chose to let them go, or see them in a more contemplative way. I don't think it's necessary to say everything, but maybe more so for some than others. I've also said things I thought I'd never.

Hugs @FauxLiz . 🤗
 

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
I know I said I would write more and I am working on it offline, I just am finding it difficult to put here and even talk about a little bit. I really appreciate all the support from everyone here.

I think it might be worth pointing out you don’t owe anyone - anyone but yourself - anything around your healing or details if your trauma etc.
If you are working on it off line - that’s great!
No one here is owed any follow up.
 
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