Trauma-Related Rage

[TLight]

I still have a problem with the rage too.........for now, it's under control because I'm not working with males........when I return and have bullying, intimidating, macho male authority figures........well...watch out.

But I'm hoping to make progress on this front.

 

[cragger65]

Oh boy, can I relate. For quite some time after being pushed over the edge by insurance companies, I had rage fantasies where I kidnapped the case manager who screwed me the final time and put me over the edge, took him to the woods where no one could hear, and cut his fingers off one at a time with garden shears. Sick, twisted, morbid thoughts, but yes, that was me a few years ago. I got past that though, and so will you.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I understand this one completely. I used to be in rage mode the majority of the time until I quit drinking. Then it was just anger that I repressed until someone purposely tried to piss me off, then the claws came out and sometimes so did the knife.

I've hit people upside the head with hard objects so many times I can't count and I'm so very lucky I didn't kill someone. I'm very disgusted with myself that I didn't get a grip on this illness sooner because these trouble makers thought that they could bully me but found out real quick that I'm not a victim but I defend my integrity in anyway I saw fit. I didn't fight fair because no one else did either, so I'm learning that it's OK to fight for what you want in a non abusive way, but fight fairly with being assertive instead of verbal abuse and physical violence.

But, such is life and I'm starting fresh everyday. After analyzing the process from rage to anger I was stuck for two years trying to figure anger out. I bought 3 books and none shed any light on why I was still angry and unable to make it stop. Finally, I joined a forum where the owner helps people come out of fear among other topics.

I knew she was getting fed up with me constantly saying, "I have to work on my past to get better, instead of pretending it didn't exist." Eventually, her and I argued several times, which lead to me apologizing, like this is no big deal for me to apologize because I did it on a daily basis, while I know others have never uttered the word "I'm sorry" in there entire life. Ironic isn't it?

Finally, we had a break through and I found out that it wasn't the anger but the fear. It's been said again and again all negative feelings and emotions stem from fear. I was able to break down my "defense mechanism" called anger (which isn't easy because it makes me feel vulnerable) and looked at the fear. I lived in fear for 3 months until I worked it out.

Now I don't get angry as easily as I used to and therefore I apologize less. I'm still working with fear, but since I have the tools to redirect my thoughts I'm able to keep myself from staying in "fear mode" when it arises from assholes shooting glass at my face with a blow dart gun. As the fear declines I see the anger dissipating right along with it.

If you look at every situation that causes you anger look deeper and you will find fear.

Tammy

 

[Lobo]

I've had rage for 40 yrs...started when I came home from Nam...got spit on by the very people I thought would be glad I had made it home...along with rage came distrust. I've been in and out of jail for the last 40 yrs because of rage. I was forever in a fight or starting a fight. I've been married more times than I care to remember. My rage blew them all apart. Never hit my wife but did break things in the house and put holes in the walls. What I do now is try to stay sober and when I feel the rage coming on I try to relax outside with my dogs. In the summertime I put out my hummingbird feeders. Love them little critters. Know you're not alone...hope some of this helps. The other thing I do is walk in the mountains.

 

[TLight]

Lobo.........what happened to you is atrocious. I apologize for human nature and its terrible side.......

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Lobo thanks for serving in the military. A lot of people appreciate what you have done. I think people get caught up in their own opinions and have a hard time understanding certain situations like war and why a person would fight in one.

I don't like war, but I understand it's something that the government feels is important and those of you who serve are doing your duty, which I find admirable.

Tammy

 

[Irton Pike]

Warning: Talk of suicide

the worst things about the rage for me are that it flares away inside me even though i am angry with someone else. It eats me. I have mindf***ing revenge fantasies. They make me feel awful to the point where i cannot function. so I feel wronged but as I have this hostility and anger , and thats pretty righteous anger too, it is me that suffers. My enemy couldn't give a fig, and to be honest it serves his purpose if I am not functioning at work as he has sidelined me. More frustration fuel in the fire!
The worst part of this consuming anger is when it does vent it can often be at those I love the most, my wife and kids. Daves mad hairdryer experience. My councillor tells me it is because i feel safer with them. But having a go at the mrs just goes to feed the rage because I feel such a shit. PTSD, the gift that keeps giving!

I have come off the rails in the last few weeks. Things got pretty hairy. Massive slanging match with my mrs led to me taking off in the middle of the night to go for a walk in the peak district. Took my dog, a heap of pain killers and a fresh surgical scalpel blade. Didn't do it.

(tempted by the old gag of taking two aspirin and feeling better here...........)

One slip up is not the end of the world. Every partnership has arguments. It is normal. Anyway. Bad few weeks. So it goes.