Trauma Therapy While Parenting Young Kids

[eloc]

I have two boys aged 10 and 12 - they are both affected by my PTSD and grief for losing a brother/cousin to cancer aged 3- now seven years ago. I have been overprotective and that has made them anxious - my twelve year old tried to self harm when he was ten and got some regular therapy when he was 11 and is in a much better place even though he has his own stuff to deal with besides a dysfunctional mother. My son who is ten now has school anxiety and is borderline depressed and his attempts at therapy were not so good so we are sticking with me only trying to be there more and level for the kids and have very fixed routines not do anything else so my day consists of waking them getting them to school - going and swimming for an hour (my physical therapy for depression - which I can do because I got hypnotised to be more active.) and picking the kids and getting them to bed . I cannot cope with more than that and the first five minuets after my swim are like it was when I did not have PTSD - my sister visited for a month and I dropped Housework. My sister left and I did some needed annual checks on the eldest who has optic disc drusen and non ossifying fibroma - both things medicine does nothing about - but you have to monitor for worst case scenarios. So this week the eldests tests show peripheral vision loss - which is horrific for me to not catastrophise - but lucky for me he seems to be coping. I have to withdraw when my second son melts down because it just sends me into a place I can't cope with and I have to ask him to try his own techniques and basically get away which makes me feel like worse shit. Having kids is just a merry go round that doesn't stop no matter what happens. I stopped work four years ago and now am financially dependent on my spouse who had not spent a cent on the kids till now - lucky he has stepped up within his means and we have a super simple life and live above my brother in law rent free. My advice is simplify as much as possible, don't try and do too much and have your therapy being as much about being functional for your kids and making space for you as it is about the root cause of the PTSD. From what I understand PTSD symptoms subside at a rapid rate in first year of treatment and then its only incremental after that so after two years of treatment and my insurers being more activating then the benefit warranted - I am without therapy. I have hypnosis and EMDR and relaxation stuff on MP3 and I use them when I need them but I am not seeing anyone per se- not getting better not getting worse - more level for my kids and that is what I can mage for now. Also insist on help from those near you when you are getting to the point where you can't cope and harming yourself or others - and just be brutally honest so they pick up the slack- in my case it is my husband and he has started to be more supportive now he knows the depths of despair I can reach when routines are disrupted some other stress has hijacked me or the kids are just being kids . Sometimes I think PTSD while it has wreaked havoc on my family - it made me stop work and prioritise myself and the kids - not work and not money and not things or experiences - for that and appreciating simplicty and just calmness and health as being the most and only important things- for that realisation I am grateful. I am not fighting to get back to a pretrauma me - just to a me the kids my husband and I can live with.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

This is what I like about this forum. These threads draw so many with similar situations. You all have developed ways to cope with very draining physical and psychological stress. I'm so impressed with everyone. Sometimes the world feels like a lonely place and my kids deserve so much better than I can give them. My 7 year old was only 2 when all this started. In her world, the way I am is normal to her. Any side effects I struggle with is how home life is to her. I'm blessed that she is as snuggly and affectionate as she is. She was a life line at the time.

Quite an ongoing adventure - in a sense.