Trauma verbage in therapy

[hymnless]

How does your therapist refer to your trauma in therapy? E.g. molest vs abuse, rape vs sex, etc. Just curious how others handle it

 

[joeylittle]

"The trauma". As in, "I can understand how it would be connected to the trauma".

This makes some sense, because I've got one major trauma event that we are working on. I often just refer to it as "that time", or "the trauma" - so I'm sure he's taking some cues from me, on how to refer to it.

When we are dealing with my avoidance or minimization, especially in re: calling it what it was, then he'll use more specific words like rape, torture, kidnap, beating, etc.

 

[Rumors]

It's amazing how completely unnerved I am when she refers to my history as "abuse". Literally I cringe every time that word comes out. I can't say it and usually refer to things as a general "what happened" because she basically knows the plot and story line. I can't use the words rape, abuse, torture, etc... makes me sweat thinking about it now! Wow...

 

[hymnless]

Thanks @joeylittle I know how much to call it out and actually say the words. I do the opposite she. I minimize- “oh yeah there was that time I was raped” just to make it seem like I’m big and bad and it doesn’t bother me. Clearly it does, but that’s my way of pretending I have control over it.

After starting to talk a very very tiny bit about my csa, it’s been interesting to see the choices in language my t uses at various times since my level of comfort in the conversation is so low.

 

[hymnless]

It's amazing how completely unnerved I am when she refers to my history as "abuse". Literally I cringe e...

Mine is “incest”. I made her promise me early on that she wouldn’t use that word. I assured her that I would leave and not look back if she did. It makes me want to vomit.

Is it weird to anyone else to realize that these are actually crimes? Not just shitty things that have happened?

 

[Rumors]

Ugh...yeah I would likely leave too... I sweat when she says abuse.. much more and I might have a heart attack.
Yes, it does blow me away that these are crimes sometimes. I minimize most things so I find it hard to deal with the reality that what happened was more than just shitty things that happened. Sounds like you are in the same boat there.

 

[hymnless]

Ugh...yeah I would likely leave too... I sweat when she says abuse.. much more and I might have a heart...

Yeah the feeling I get is what I describe as “the world falling out from under me”. So probably a similar feeling.

Something interesting I’ve noticed is that she very rarely says abuse. I’ve had a difficult time changing my thought pattern (re: csa) from having sex (shared responsibility) vs rape (his responsibility), however she now only refers to it as sex. It almost feels like she’s waiting for me to scream at her “I never chose this! How can you call it that?!?”

I dunno. I guess I just wonder if the verbiage is intentional. It feels like it is.

 

[Abstract]

I do not know that using the correct words for events/experiences is part of processing those experiences and part of desensitization. Using the words can not only confront our interpretation of what happened but be a form of working on the triggers themselves. Makes total sense that she may think you are at a point to take ownership of the reality yourself rather than having her push you there all the time. Do you think you could go to that next step in therapy?! You know it and can discuss it here on paper but I know doing so in person to another human being is a different level.

 

[hymnless]

I do not know that using the correct words for events/experiences is part of processing those experie...

I don't really know if that's a step I can take quite yet. It's only been pretty recently that I've even admitted any of this happened and I've only said it out loud once and that was to her. She didn't realize it at the time and asked me how many times I've said it and I said once. T asked if it was to my spouse and I was like "no it was about 30 seconds ago and I'm pretty sure you were the only one who heard. So just once." So I'm probably not at the point where I can start to take control of the conversation. Ok I'm definitely not there at this point lol.

There's so much I can't even say on here. When I tried to write it down a while ago I felt like I was actually going to die. Obviously I didn't, but that fear is still so strong. I do think her wording is a form of exposure though.

How long did it take you all in therapy to be able to speak your trauma? I don't mean details, just "XYZ happened to me".

 

[Rumors]

I don't mean to make you feel like it will take you this long but I started therapy in 2012 and I am just now talking about the trauma. Literally, about 3 weeks ago I told her about a trauma. It was excruciatingly painful and I didn't go in to detail. Part of my problem has been that I was so young when some of this happened I literally couldn't find words to talk about it. It was like I was mute.

 

[hymnless]

I don't mean to make you feel like it will take you this long but I started therapy in 2012 and I am jus...

Oh don’t worry- that’s also when I started therapy. We’re all in this for the long haul lol. It just feels like a totally new circle of hell now. I’d never put words to most of the actions that I experienced because I didn’t understand anything about them.

 

[Rumors]

Oh don’t worry- that’s also when I started therapy. We’re all in this for the long haul lol. It...

I understand. I have had to get to the point where IF I HAD to put words to what happened what would they be... most days it is one or two word sentences in order to keep the anger from completely taking over. So very sorry you have this going on too!!!