Treading Dangerously?!

[Britt.f7]

Conversely I read threads like 'goal for the day' and wonder will some people ever get beyond where they are at? Are they striving to make something better for themselves or are they enabling their own limitations?

No offense but when I read goals like getting out of bed, cooking a meal and hanging out washing I have to sit back and bite my tongue. It is when I read posts, from people who have a good grip on what is wrong with them and knowing what they need to do to manage themselves, that I just sit and wonder how many sufferers out there stagnate and don't go beyond pushing themselves to do basic tasks. I know of exposure therapy and trying to overcome obstacles but a goal of relaxing is something that someone like I should have, working 13 hour days 6 days as week and barely having any time for me, not a goal for someone who does barely more than a basic level of living (dare I say existing) in the first instance and has very little stress to deal with if any.
This is not aimed at anyone but seriously, setting a goal to relax, or have a meal when you are already doing little more than climbing out of bed isn't really healing is it? Are some of you your own worst enemy? Are your supporters limiting you by accepting that this is the best you will ever be or become? Do you ever want more than a little from life?

When I first read this, I was a little offended. Probably because this forum was the first place, other then my T and my husband/children, that I have been able to admit that I can't get off the couch. That it is difficult to shower on a daily basis. No one else knows this. I am ashamed of this. I do not understand it. I have been trying to figure it out for the last month and a half that it has been going on. There are days that I have difficulties with eating. I am working with my docs to get my therapy and meds worked out. So far it hasn't. My husband is supportive and does try to get me out and about. At least he helped get me to the couch, after I was hiding in our room. That is an accomplishment. It may not be for you but it is for me. At least at this point in time.

Now, I was you when I went through my first bout of PTSD 20 years ago. I actually worked two jobs at a time, 80 hours a week, trying to hold it all together. I also tried to go to school. Unfortunately, work came before school, and, because of the ptsd, I would be taught something and forget what it was. The ptsd did crush me and I was in intensive inpatient therapy for 30 days.

Now, dealing with some residual ptsd, serious depression and a physical disability, has combined to make days difficult for me. I swear if it isn't the depression, it's my physical limitations. I am trying to cut myself slack for this, while working to get better. It truly doesn't help beating myself up for this.

I guess my point in saying all this is that everyone has their own issues. No one is the same or handles things the same, because as similar as the events of their life may have been they are still different. Personalities are different. Things you have found easy to do may be difficult for someone else. On the same note, some of the things you may have difficulty with other's may question. No one knows for sure what goes on behind closed doors or within a person. If I wanted to feel ashamed and inadequate I would not have joined this group. I can beat myself up all on my own, I'm pretty darn good at it. I joined to learn new techniques, to be able to commiserate with others like me, and be able to get what I consider my demons out of me. I can understand the frustration of not seeing someone grow, but judgement over it, or taking it personally by comparing to your own life, doesn't help anyone. It builds up resentment in you and that's not a good thing.

This is a place for people's healing. Everyone heals at their own pace. I am no longer offended, because I realize you do not know my journey and, even if you did, you might still hold judgement. I realize I can't help this and you are entitled to your own opinion.

I thank you for this site. In regards to my being stuck on the couch and given myself kudos for showering, people were very supportive. I am thankful for that. When I got a positive response, I felt some relief. Like I said, I can beat myself up well enough, and I do.

We all do what we can and, some days, maybe that is all they can do. I'm sure they mean no offense to you.

 

[Nicolette]

:banghead: :banghead: :locktopic:

 

[Britt.f7]

Nicolette, I hope I didn't come by as disrespectful to you as I meant none.

 

[Eleanor]

((((((((Nicolette)))))))

And Brit, I am sorry you are in such a down place. Having followed this thread from the first I'm sorry you took what Nicolette said in precisely the way she didn't intend it. Really, it is most explicitly directed toward people whose PTSD is under control, as yours is plainly not at the moment. :cry: If I may, one of the things that seems to happen for a lot of people with long term chronic PTSD is that they feel so badly about themselves that they often "hear" critical messages directed at them, even when the message is either not critical or not actually directed at them. Reading through this thread as a whole might be an excellent place to practice the CBT "reality testing" type skills around that...

 

[Nicolette]

Really, it is most explicitly directed toward people whose PTSD is under control,

Correct :tup:

If I may, one of the things that seems to happen for a lot of people with long term chronic PTSD is that they feel so badly about themselves that they often "hear" critical messages directed at them, even when the message is either not critical or not actually directed at them.

Thank you Eleanor for being able to articulate what I couldn't write today as, after just having heart surgery, I am emotional and didn't want my response to be clouded due to something unrelated. :hug:

Britt, I didn't take your response as disrespectful however I did feel you personalised it against me rather than present your view on the topic, as you did say you took offense to it, but like I said my judgement is clouded by emotion today. :confused:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Mabe I misunderstood the point of goal for the day. When I was in an outpatient program they had us pick a goal for the next day and report on it. The rooms were full of anxious and very depressesed people.. In therapy a few years back, I had the homework of a goal and how I would get that done.

Mabe I am in a rut, I do not know , but I find it helps me to plan ahead and keep moving forward.

As for long term goals I am working on them slowly. But in the goal forum I keep it simple. It gives me a sense of accomplishment to get things done each day. Interestering topic.

 

[Britt.f7]

Eleanor and Nicolette, I did take it a bit personally because I am dealing with it right now. Though, maybe those people that you say have their PTSD under control, don't. That was my point of this.

That being said, maybe this has been a misunderstanding on all our parts. For that I am sorry.

I hope that you heal quickly Nicolette. I know how that can be. I can't even imagine(or remember) how that surgery would have felt. I can't even stand it after they pace my heart. Try to get rest.

 

[HëllaBubz]

From my own perspective, I think the very people who react extremely to what Nic originally said are probably the ones who do not need to read it, possibly because your PTSD is not being managed to the point where you are able to see what she is saying.

That is NOT your fault, so don't feel bad.:hug:

Obviously there are those who do not like a truthful, direct kick up the arse, and those are most likely the ones who need to read this the most.:blackeye:

And one other thing, if that comment had come from ANYONE other than Nic, or some of the more experienced members on here, then I would have undone a whole year's worth of anger management upon reading it.:notworthy::ninja::devilish:

It is very easy to to flick over what was said, but if you read it very, very carefully, then you will see it is aimed at those who are stagnating and crying 'wolf', so to speak.

As to those of you who may or may not be stagnating, I don't believe that Nic or anyone else on here will pass judgement on you, if you ARE stagnating, and can move to another step, I believe it will strike a chord with you.:tup:

I could be completely out of line here....... is there anyone who can clarify or correct me? I'd be interested in trying to clarify what I'm trying to get across, but my brain is fuzzy, so with YOUR fuzzy head and MINE, we SHOULD be able to make a half decent whole to analyze this.:O_o::facepalm::mask:

 

[HëllaBubz]

do some of you actually put yourself in the third person and read your own posts?

Yes, I like to see how I took something at a particular time, and if I'm the same now.
It's almost like reading another person's diary sometimes.

Are some of you your own worst enemy? Are your supporters limiting you by accepting that this is the best you will ever be or become?

Yes, on both counts.
Although my partner has always been there to support me, and will give me the kick up the arse occasionally that you have given us in this thread.

Bloody irritating, wish to rip heads off, but sooner or later realize its true, and come crawling back sheepishly.

 

[Shellbell]

It interests me that sometimes the things that 'need' to be said (even when clearly well intentioned) are the often comments that some people take the hardest. I've put comments of here about things I completely believe to be true and factual with regard to PTSD and healing, and they weren't received well by some people and were welcomed by others. And that's okay.

Nicolette's point in all of this is directed at those who have a good grip on their illness and most likely do need to push themselves a little more and have bigger goals - so not to stagnate. Stagnating is not moving towards healing. I believe Nicolette's intentions here are to help, not hinder, or judge.

Obviously every persons journey in healing is different and everyone is at a different stage, but if Nicolette's posts in this thread are read carefully, they do clearly show no judgement, just a clear motive to help towards healing - as that is what the point of this forum is - to help support people to understand and heal from PTSD.

 

[Tinyflame]

It's odd, I am more symptomatic since 39 than I ever was in my 20's, I thought for certain I had the way to manage 'myself', until it came crashing down so many (decades) later. So my goals (must) change. Sometimes it feels like learning to walk again after a stroke. To accomplish less with more struggle. But perhaps less expectation of what I had taken for granted. I never thought I'd be dealing with it like this after managing effectively for so long. In my heart if I could I would avoid having to. But like everything with ptsd most of the remaining choices are only within my attitude, attempts, and responses.

I have never found anything offensive about Nic's posts, ever, it's a valid question. I think like it is said of anyone's posts: take what you like and leave the rest. And listen and keep an open mind and push out of the comfort zone, keep trying.

 

[Nicolette]

I believe Nicolette's intentions here are to help, not hinder, or judge.

That would be 100% correct. :)

But like everything with ptsd most of the remaining choices are only within my attitude, attempts, and responses.

push out of the comfort zone, keep trying.

It is this which leads me to ask thought provoking/self analysis questions and nothing ill intended or judgmental.

I am more symptomatic since 39

I did read somewhere once that more women around the age group of 40 are more likely to be diagnosed with PTSD if it has been present but not diagnosed or very apparent. I don't know if its the hormones, maturity or what. Can't recall where I read it off the top of my head.