Welcome!
As a new friend, I say, "I'm sorry that things are not as you want them. It is so good to hear your experience put into words, done in such a way that it touches my heart, making me remember when I didn't know what to do, how to carry on." I reach, out to you, with the invitation to use this forum as a way to write and find your clarity, to get support, and to generate ideas for whatever might be helpful.
Your situation does sound abusive. From what I know, you can't solve it, you can't change him, no matter how smart you are. The situation is too stressful for you to think clearly. Focus on getting out, saving yourself and your family, and re-starting.
Sometimes people have not heard or read my pleas for help, because I delivered them in such appropriate, calm ways, or was too upset-and scared them. If that is the case, state more clearly, "I want help, now!"
Are you safe, now?
If you are wanting first steps, you made a great step, posting. Next, is there anyone you can verbally connect to, or see, who can be an in-person support for you? Crisis phone line, call a local church-even if you don't know anyone, call a domestic violence line? Or use this thread as your 'think tank' or hotline.
Many members have removed themselves from hostile situations, from which they did not know how to be freed. You will live on the other side of this situation.
Meanwhile, who can we help? Proactive solutions and ideas, can be given to help you, safely, remove yourself and your kids. It is a process, of well calculated steps, to keep you safe, and to not aggravate your partner.
Know you are smart, never deserving of abuse, and that there is a way out. Make a call, take an action, without the knowledge of your partner. You are worth saving! Many people on the forum have been in your shoes. Love to you.
